Using Logic: A Very Happy St. Patrick’s Day
- Choose wisely.
Welcome back, sports-fans. The Using Logic Hotline is still open 24 hours a day at Logic@TheGallyBlog.com or @THElogic and this is where I can help you out with any issues in which you are stuck and don’t know what to do. Normally we like to keep it sports related. Other times it can be sexy and you know I’m always down for a little Russian Chat Roulette.
(e-mail in italics, Logic in bold and italics)
Dear Created Witty Nickname for a Hateful Faggot,
Good morning, Logic. I hope this email finds you well. I hope that God was done tormenting you for the first 23 years of your life and finally decided that you and a bus should occupy the same exact position at the same exact time. I’ve never hated anyone on this entire planet as much as I do you. You have zero talent. All you do is just think of the most heinous thing you could possibly think off. You’re racist, sexist and the farthest thing from politically correct I can think of. At least Jim Jefferies makes things funny, I’m surprised he didn’t puke on you in your Twitter picture. Nothing would make me happier if you were castrated and crucified.
That being said, I was surprised when Punte from With Leather posted this link and you didn’t see it. All you do is read Deadspin and With Leather and post the one story where you can make a fart joke. I mean what more could a moron like you ask for? Retards playing basketball! Weeeeee!
I’m sorry I took so much of your time. I’m sure that it is happy hour at some bar that is 23 for guys, 18 for girls to party. And they don’t proof the 18 year olds. Hell, I bet you are even too cheap to roofie. You probably just club them like the caveman you are. They can’t say no, if you don’t ask. Scumbag.
Sincerely,
Get a Hobby
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Dear Dad Get a Hobby,
First off, I don’t appreciate you stealing threats from Tony Kornheiser! That is awful. Secondly, I heard when you were born, some one walked by your mom and said “Look at that cunt coming out of that cunt’s cunt!” (Much better to steal from Louis CK). Third, this is just sad. There is nothing worse than false hope and what you are doing is just spreading it to their family. By family, of course, I mean the Palins. I can’t believe she squeezed out enough retards to have a basketball scrimmage. How much drinking does she do during pregnancy? Who knows, they might not ALL be her kids. I thought I even saw Levi Johnston try to go for a lay up. For Christ’s sake. #13 looked exactly like chubby little Bristol.
Though, I don’t know if I really mind this. It’s not like they are forcing normal kids to go against these kids and high five their snot covered fingers. On the other hand, that could make it worse. The kids with mild talent think they are All-Stars. You see that kid who looked like Sloth from The Goonies little brother dribble through 5 bumbling idiots? Those lumbering, meaty breasted nothings didn’t even make an attempt for a steal! In a close game like that, I would like to see a hard foul. Something along the lines of a lobotomy. Maybe that would straighten those kids out. I mean he already had the worst hair cut I’ve seen since JFK, post-assassination and shaving is half the battle.
And what was with #8′s sweatband? Do they even have sweat glands? I thought they just pant like puppies? My God, how did they fill the stands? Did they pass out free blowjobs during halftime? That was more people than went to my high school team’s games. I would rather watch someone I love get raped by Patrick Ewing and the old Knicks than a bunch of mongoloids slobber all over some orange rubber.
My last question? Who cleans up the drool? Do they have a mop for that? That shit is tough to get out, you know, when my dog drools on the floor. Sometimes it’s not that bad. When your mom drools on my dick, I just wipe it on your sister’s teddy bear. Done deal.
Eat it,
Logic
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