The Morning After Pill: Cheesecake Edition

The Morning After Pill is a daily recap of the previous days events from the sporting world. Certain teams and entire sports are left out due to an extreme lack of caring or crippling hangovers. It’s probably the hangovers though, and they might not even be crippling. That’s how we roll. Send tips to tips@ thegallyblog.com

NFL: I don’t even know where to begin with this story. Vince Young got into a fight at a strip club and is being charged with a misdemeanor assault. The reason behind the fight? A guy made the Texans “Hook ‘em Horns” sign, but upside down and while mocking Vince’s alma mater. Look for Herr Goodell to throw the book at him and have Vince drawn and quartered in the public square.

NBA: I may not be a big basketball guy, but I know a thing or two about the game. Namely that the game is played in a five on five fashion. Unfortunately for Kobe Bryant and the Lakers, his teammates thought that Kobe could do the whole thing by himself and squandered his 38 point night. From what I gather, some of the announcers had a stick up their ass about Kobe taking so many shots, but when everyone else is missing them why not go to the good guy? Paul Pierce had 27 points for the Celtics as they won by a 92-86 margin. The series continues Tuesday in Los Angeles as the Lakers have to win two straight to take the championship. Look for the Lakers to win Tuesday as the NBA ref fixing will be going on in full force thanks to this guy.

MLB: Steven Strasburg had another 8 strikeouts in his follow up game last night in 5 1/3 innings. What a bum. Couldn’t even get two strikes per inning. He also gave up another HR, though it was the only run he gave up. The thing I don’t get is that his changeup is hitting 92 mph. I know his fastball hits 100, but how is a 92 mph pitch a changeup. Jamie Moyer has only hit 92 once in his life and he’s been starting in the majors for 50 years now. Oh, and the Nationals beat the Indians 9-4. The Cubs beat their crosstown rivals, the White Sox, 1-0. I know, dismissive wank right? Who cares about two shitty Chicago teams being in a low scoring affair? Well this one was interesting as both Gavin Floyd and Ted Lilly carried no-hitters into the 7th inning, when Jonah Keri jinxed them. Ted Lilly managed to keep his no-hitter going on into the ninth when Juan “Lucky” Pierre had a single. The Twinkies lost to the Braves 7-3 and the Metspocalypse continues as the Mets beat the Orioles 11-4. The Mets had 4 HR’s last night, including two by David Wright.

College Football: I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. The Big 12 is going to join the Pac 10, SEC, NATO, Big 10, IMF, Waffle House, Deadspin, ACC and/or the Empire. Some or none of that may be true, but for the latest on what’s going on, try here. Gah, that report is ALREADY OUTDATED, so here’s newer info.

CFL: Oh man. Some of these headline writers are brilliant. “Esks fall in a ‘turf’ war with Stampeders”, was the tagline. The payoff was that it was the first game played on Commonwealth Stadium’s new artificial turf. Calgary won the game 23-21 in both teams first pre-season game. Jared Zabransky made it into the game for the Eskimos, woot!? Though the New England Patriots also have installed the next-gen FieldTurf Duraspine Pro surface at Gillette Field, this is the first time a professional football game has been played on the surface as the Esks installed it this spring. What I don’t get is why did they get rid of the grass? It’s an outdoor stadium.

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Tags: Big 12, Calgary Stampeeders, Edmonton Eskimos, FieldTurf Duraspine Pro, Herr Goodell, Jared Zabransky, Jonah Keri, Kobe Bryant, Melissa Riso, Metspocalypse, Stephen Strasburg, Ted Lilly, Vince Young
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The Morning After Pill

The Morning After Pill is a daily recap of the previous days events from the sporting world. Certain teams and entire sports are left out due to an extreme lack of caring or crippling hangovers. It’s probably the hangovers though, and they might not even be crippling. That’s how we roll. Send tips to tips@ thegallyblog.com

NHL: Oh, would you look at that. The NBA went full retard and scheduled two days in between games, so Gary went and did the same. I know the NHL would have been up against Strasmus and the NBA finals, but come on Gary. Come on.

Official Gally Blog NHL Story Picture

MLB: The apocalypse slowly keeps chugging along to fruition. The clearest sign is the Mets, with what I like to call the Metspocalypse. Every time I do one of these recaps, it seems they’ve won another game. Last night they won in 11 innings as Ike Davis hit the game winning HR to get a 2-1 victory over the Padres. It was their ninth straight home victory. Carlos Pena who’s been on a slump was the hero in Toronto last night. He had 2 HR’s and 5 RBI’s in leading the Rays to a 9-0 shellacking of the Blue Jays. In the debut of Steven Strasburg or as the Internet called it, Strasmus, the Nationals prevailed by a score of 5-2 over the Pirates. Strasburg was dominant, pitching 7 innings and getting 14K’s amongst other things. He’s also the first pitcher ever to get 14 K’s in under 96 pitches. He did it in 94, of which 65 were strikes. I’ve only seen highlights, but he seemed almost unhittable.

NBA: Well, the Lakers did it again last night. They beat the Celtics 91-84, taking a 2-1 lead in their series. Boston came out of the gate strong but then the Lakers went on a 25-5 run to show them what’s what. Then in the third quarter the Lakers really sucked as they only had 15 points. In the 4th quarter the Celtics had cut a 17 point deficit to 1 point, before Derek Fisher took over. He lead the team with some clutch shooting and continued to shut down Ray Allen. Ray was 0-13 shooting last night, mostly being guarded by Fisher. Kobe had 29 points to lead the way for the Lakers whilst KG had 25 for the Celtics.

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Tags: Carlos Pena, Derek Fisher, Gary Bettman, Kobe Bryant, Metspocalypse, Michael Jai White, Ray Allen, Steven Strasburg
Category Morning After Pill |

The Morning After Pill

The Morning After Pill is a daily recap of the previous days events from the sporting world. Certain teams and entire sports are left out due to an extreme lack of caring or crippling hangovers. It’s probably the hangovers though, and they might not even be crippling. That’s how we roll. Send tips to tips@ thegallyblog.com

NFL: The Raiders are once again proving to be incompetent. They’ve filed a grievance against JaMarcus Russell in order to try and reclaim $9.55 million in money paid to him for the next two seasons. The thing is, that was guaranteed money that they owed him as stipulated in his contract. JaMarcus ended up making $36.4 million over three years and is apparently still owed another $3 million.

It's funny because he's fat.

NHL: Still no more hockey last night and again, there’s no more tonight. Nice move Gary.

Official Gally Blog NHL Story Picture

MLB: The Mets, who surely are a sign of the apocalypse or as I like to call it the Metspocalypse, shut out the Phillies again. 3-0. Winning a series completely by shutouts is by no means a common feat in this era. The last time the Mets did it was in 1969. Against the Phillies. It has been opined that the Mets didn’t have to face Halladay, but I think being defensive would not have helped the moribund offence. Albert Pujols hit his first homerun and drove in his first runs in 12 games, last night as the Cardinals beat the Padres 8-3. Daisuke Matsuzaka pitched an awesome game last night. Awesome for the schadenfreude it produced. He walked 8 batters, hit another one and threw a wild pitch for good measure. The Red Sox as a result lost 4-3.

NBA: (more…)

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Tags: Albert Pujols, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Gary Bettman, JaMarcus Russell, Lakers, Metspocalypse, Rafael Nadal, Ron Artest
Category Morning After Pill |

The Morning After Pill

The Morning After Pill is a daily recap of the previous days events from the sporting world. Certain teams and entire sports are left out due to an extreme lack of caring or crippling hangovers. It’s probably the hangovers though, and they might not even be crippling. That’s how we roll. Send tips to tips@ thegallyblog.com

NHL: No Hockey again last night, or for that matter tonight. Thanks Gary.

Official Gally Blog NHL Story Picture

NFL: It’s officially a sad day. The best NFL news I could wrangle up without putting in any effort is that six of the Browns starters are skipping OTA’s in contract disputes. Suck it up guys. You play for the Browns. No one else in the NFL wants you. Basically, y’all are fucked.

NBA:The Celtics magically lost last night against the Magic, 113-92 Referee, Joey Crawford, called a shaky game and ejected Glen Davis. Many people were outraged and Simmons was, of course, bitchy. The general consensus though, is that creepy uncle Stern pulled his diabolical puppet strings and influenced the game. Oh, and Dwight Howard had 21 points and 10 boards.

MLB: (more…)

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Tags: David Stern, Dwight Howard, Gary Bettman, Joey Crawford, Metspocalypse, Nicole Spitzack, Roger Federer, Time Lincecum, Ubaldo Jimenez
Category Morning After Pill |