The Morning After Pill is where we review the previous day in the sporting world. Certain sports/teams are left out due to extreme lack of caring or hangovers
Headbanging coffee cup for a head guy? Headbanging coffee cup for a head guy. My day can begin…
College Football
Thursday Night brought us a conference college football match-up between Nebraska and Missouri Yawn. Sloppy field conditions and even sloppier play saw the ol Cornhuskers down 12-0 going into the 4th quarter. That is until Bo Pelini and company decided to quit fucking around and put up 27 points. Which is good news if you’re a Cornhusker fan, bad news if you (ie me) bet on Mizzou.
MLB
It’s almost that time of the year when baseball hibernates for the winter. Bows head Thank god. However, first we must make it through the playoffs. Last night saw 3 games take place, none of which I watched because I was too busy drinking looking for a cure to cancer…Yes cancer research. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. At least if my sponsor asks.
The Cardinals find themselves down 2 games to the Dodgers and Manny’s awesomely dirty looking dreads. Matt Holliday apparently had a costly error according to Twitter. I would have known firsthand if I had no life and watched baseball actually gave a shit.
Colorado tied up their series with the Phillies after a 5-4 victory. In other news makes wanking motion.
In boring playoff news the Angels brought out the rapesticks last night, shutting out the Red Sox 5-0. Normally I would be ecstatic, maybe even orgasmic after seeing Boston lose. However, I would prefer to enjoy the dismay of Boston fans after the Phillies and Yankees (suck it Logic!) are eliminated from the playoffs. Or in the case that the Phillies win the whole goddamn thing, a huge fucking meteor hits whatever stadium they’re in when they receive the championship trophy.
If the broken spirits of baseball fans could be served up as a meal my feast of dismay would look something like this:
Appetizer
Philly Cheese Steak
Main Course
New York Strip
Dessert
Boston Creme Pie
Kinda made myself hungry there. My Bloody Mary will have to wait…
Baseball Uh…Baseball is still going on? Umm…Hey look a blue football field!
College Football College football made it’s triumphant return last night. And by triumphant I mean slightly anticlimatic…Except for…Well I’ll get to that…
The early game on ESPN saw Steve Spurrier’s *cough* Douche *cough* South Carolina Gamecocks snickers take on the Wolf Pack of N.C. State. Saying this game was boring would be putting it mildly. I’ve seen late term abortions with more appeal…Damn I’ve been talking with Logic too much lately. Regardless, the Cocks of Game took this one 7-3.
Utah and Utah State battled for the Mormons’ enjoyment last night, with Utah winning 35-17. It’s almost like back in the days of the Roman Coliseum. But instead of Romans it’s Mormons. And instead of fights to the death or being mauled by a lion, it’s just football.
The late game on ESPN saw Oregon taking on Boise State. You might remember Boise State as a potential BCS buster over the last few seasons, as well as having one of the most hideous football fields in America. Blue turf? Really? I guess it actually gives people a reason to be interested in Idaho, albeit just for the color of their turf. Hey Idaho is also known for having potatoes! Yes makes wanking off motion, and I am known for not giving a shit. Boise State controlled this game for 4 quarters and took the win with a 19-8 finish.
Boise State’s To Do list for the next week should look like, 1) Work on field goals, because kicker, Kyle Brotzman, went 1/3 last night missing a 29 yarder, and 2) Hold on to the football. They lost 3 fumbles and it almost was more.
Oregon’s To Do list should look something like this, 1-5) Get new uniforms (underlined and circled a bunch of times). That whole, tribal looking duck wings on the shoulders are as cool looking as chicks wearing Ugg boots in the summer time.
Am I forgetting anything else? Hmmm….Oh yeah this happened too.
Somebody is gonna to get suspended…Or signed by the Bengals….or maybe both. Hmmm..,
