Hey y’all, Mullet here. Just thought I’d check in, in light of the news. If you haven’t heard yet, Jared and I have split ways. In the name of “love”, he decided we should split. Why? Well that whore of his, has gotten in the way. They’re getting married, so as a measure of good will and I’m being told for the sake of the wedding pictures, he decided to split up with me.
In other words, my demise has been greatly exaggerated. I lived without that dick for many years, and I can do so again. I will take this time to make myself stronger and better than ever. No more side gigs as Hugh Hefner and Lindsay Lohan’s merkin. No longer will I take on the role of Phil Spector’s bizarre wannabe afro. Fuck that noise. I will survive on my own with or without the excessive use of ludes and horse tranquilizers. I would like to thank the guys at Tauntr for eulogizing me. Misguided as it was.
This video is all kinds of awesome, and not just because we started the Jared Allens Mullet Twitter feed. You don’t have to like Jared all that much, or even think he’s the leagues best defensive end(he’s not). After watchin this video, you will respect him for sticking to his guns and not giving a fuck what people think.
Apparently part of being badass is taking extra mayonnaise when somebody asks you if you want it. I guess this means that most Americans, especially Big Daddy Drew, are not badass at all what with their adversion to mayo. If you watch the video right to the end, Jared apparently mentions his one weakness other than the run game. He clearly says that he’ll cut it one day, when he dies. Through careful extrapolation and other scientific processes, that means if you cut off his mullet in his sleep, he’ll die. Think about it QB’s. I’m looking at you Aaron Rodgers if he suddenly dies in a haircut related incident.
Today it’s time to sit down with The Gally Blog’s latest interviewee, Jared Allen’s Mullet. What’s that you say? A mullet, how the hell are we supposed to interview a mullet? Have you seen that thing? It’s not nearly as hard as it sounds. That thing has a mind and life of it’s own. I caution you. The thing gets a little wierd and out of hand when Jared shows up.
Gally: Well good afternoon Jared Allen’s Mullet. It’s nice to have you here. JAM: It’s nice to be here. Wait what did you call me? Gally: Jared Allen’s Mullet. JAM: Why the hell would you call me that? Gally: Well that’s your name isn’t it. continue
