Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Saturday August 20th 2011

Posts Tagged ‘MVP’

NFL Halfway Wrapup and Awards

The NFL season is now half over. Some things have changed since the quarter season wrapup, while others have remained the same. Last time I got torn a new asshole for making my picks, and this time I expect much the same.

AFC North: The Bengals still remain atop this division and are 4-0 in the division and have beat the once mighty Ravens twice already. The Steelers have picked up their game though. They have won five straight games and are behind Cincy on tiebreakers only. Baltimore is 4-4 and unless they pull up their socks and win out, are likely staying home in January this year.

AFC South: At the begining of the year I said the Colts would fight through the turmoil of coching changes to finish 13-3. Right now they are 8-0 and have a schedule in front of them that could allow them to reach that goal. Tennessee has gone back to Vince Young, and have won their last two games. Jacksonville and Houston are two of the NFL poster children for inconsistency. Houston is tied for second in the league with 26 TD’s and yet sits at a measly 5-4, while Jacksonville is capable of blowing people out or being blown out.

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The NFL Quarter Season Wrap-Up

The NFL season is now roughly one-quarter over. It’s a little hard to define, as the regular season is 17 weeks long. For those of you that failed math, 17 divided by four, is four and a quarter weeks. Mostly this post is coming up now, because I’m a little lazy and I spent last week in the stupor of insomnia. Enough about me though, onto the recap.

AFC North: The Bengals are one of the big surprises this season. They are 4-1 and currently sit atop of the division. They’re doing it with a surprisingly solid defense and strong running from Cedric Benson, of all people. Carson Palmer not being hurt and Chad Ochocinco playing effectively is also a bonus. Baltimore and Pittsburgh are both 3-2, but have in division losses whilst the Bengals don’t.

AFC South: The Colts are, as I predicted, off to a strong start. They sit 5-0, and even though the run D isn’t as strong as I thought it would be, they are doing enough to help the team get by. They’ve defeated two division rivals, and look like one of the best teams in football. The Titans have fallen off the face of the Earth, and are winless. Both Jax and Houston alternate from looking great to shitting the bed, depending on the week.

AFC West: Wow! This division is making me and everyone else who picked the Chargers look stupid right now. Almost everyone decried the Broncos as useless, and I wish I could have that pick back. The Broncos are 5-0 at this point in the season and have won their only divisional game. The defense is playing very well right now, and the team is +56 in point differential. The Chargers are lagging behind with a 2-2 record, though they play the Broncos next week and have a chance to make things interesting. Oakland at least has a win already, but they arguably have the worst NFL QB of all time. KC is looking better, but they are winless.

AFC East: The Patriots are 3-2, which at the moment puts them in second place within the division. The Jets, who nobody picked to be good are in first at 3-1, though they have a big divisional game tonight against the Dolphins. Miami is 1-3 with last year’s hero, Chad Pennington – out for the season and possibly his career – with a busted shoulder. Buffalo is looking like it could be the first team to fire its coach.¬† Dick Jauron is pathetic, but they did stupidly sign him to an extension. As I predicted, Tom Brady isn’t his old self, and teams have figured out a way to get to him. The Jets are getting decent offense from Mark Sanchez, and they are playing inspired D behind new coach, Rex Ryan.
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The Gally Blog's 2009 NFL Predictions

Logic: Alright as everyone knows, I’m Logic. I’ve been given much more authority to make predictions than I should.. A retarded monkey that screams on top of a paint can while handing out flowers would have sufficed perfectly. Gally and Gimp are going to get down here eventually. Even though Gimp still hasn’t done our Fantasy analysis. Tsk tsk. What we are going to do here is break down the divisions and make some predictions. And since I’m in a deep focus I’ll let you have it:
Gally: We may not be experts, but it doesn’t mean that we can’t pretend to be.
gimp: Alcoholics, yes. Experts, not quite.

AFC NORTH: Logic’s Pick: Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5). I still see them dominating their division with virtually the same team they had last year. In a shitty division too.
Gally:Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5). Last years Super Bowl Champions come into this season thinking that it’s theirs to lose. They return much of a Stellar Defense, and the Offense could see some improvement with a whole season of Rashard Mendenhall.
gimp: Steelers (11-5). If Big Ben can keep his rape stick in his pants I’m sure the Steelers will be fine. I’d like to note, that while the Steelers will win their division, it will be one of the most painful things to witness. To me they’re boring as all hell to watch. Like watching paint dry, or a WNBA game.

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It's never too late/early to start a rally

Easton put out a series of viral commercial’s promoting their new HitMatrix bat system. This video shows gives the motivational advice that you’re always MVP material when you take one for the team. Then the guys line up to get hit by Carlos Zambrano fastballs. I’m not convinced that Ron Stilanovich’s advice to just ,”Rub some dirt in it” will take the sting out a 95mph fastball, but what do I know I’m more of a competitive knitter.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDZPN0mjaAA]

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