The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the previous day’s sporting events. Some teams/sports are left out due to extreme lack of caring…and pure laziness. Mostly lack of caring, though. And my tendency to be bitter about things that don’t go my way.
NFL: The Vikings were on bye this weekend, so I know everyone was super bored and not really interested in any of the games that were on. That is, unless you have Greg Olsen on your fantasy team. I do not, but my opponent this week does. Do you know what that means? It means Greg Olsen has singled-handedly almost ruined my life this week. Do you know why? Because Greg Olsen, the TE from Chicago, scored all 3 of Chicago’s touchdowns yesterday with a total of 5 receptions for 71 yards. Fortunately, they still got stomped by the Cards. Which, by the way, how the hell did that happen? Kurt Warner did a total 180 in a week. He threw for 5 TOUCHDOWNS. FIVE. Two of which were to my boy Fitz (What-What!). Whodathunkit? Anyway, in another miraculous win we had Tampa Bay – rockin’ those sweet unis.
The hotness.
Seriously, those things are dope. Much better than the heinous ones Denver’s been donning. In the Battle of the Bays, Tampa put up 38 to Green’s 28. Green Bay should be embarrassed. Rodgers got sacked 6 times and threw 3 interceptions, one of which was returned for a TD. Say “good bye” to the post season, Green Bay!!! So, Sunday Night Football happened. Which also means Bob Costas happened. Are you kidding me? The guy must’ve attended an asshole convention last week, cuz he would not quit with the dickish questions. That’s right, viewers want to watch/listen to you harp on Romo’s “jaunty cap” for 45 minutes, Bob. Shut up with your mountain lion-looking self, seriously. Whatever. Philly lost to Romo’s “devil-may-care” chapeau, 20-16. The game wasn’t really that great. If you read that article I linked to, they spend a good portion of it talking about last season. Most likely because there was nothing but loads of idiot coming from the Philadelphia sideline as Andy Reid’s Childress Face was showing. #1: Good job on that ridiculous challenge, buddy. You screwed your team out of time outs for the entire 4th quarter. #2: The score is 20-13, and because you’re clearly a math major, you settle for a field goal. Remember a few minutes before that when you wasted a challenge, thus depleting your team’s TOs? Yeah, see you completely set yourself up for the failure you deserved. That is all.
NBA: There were some basketball games yesterday. I kind of feel bad for the NBA on Sundays, because until February, no one cares. There was only one game that appeared to be even remotely competitive: Philadelphia 76ers vs. Detroit Pistons. Guess what? Philly lost. Geez, just a bunch of losers over there in Philly! This season marks the return of Ben Wallace to the Pistons as the big brother mentor-type to Kwame Brown, Jason Maxiell and Chris Wilcox. Apparently he was showing them how it’s done, because he was the team leader in 3 of 5 categories: Rebounds (16), Steals (3), and Blocks (3). He put up 2 points…yay? Boohoo, there’s no one on the 6ers that I care about so I’m not going to talk about it. The Wolves lost again, and their record now sits at 1-6. The ESPN recap (here) cites Blazers Coach Nate McMillan’s fantastical experiment to start 3 guards as ahem blazing the trail to victory. False. The Wolves are terrible. Their record says so. I really, really, really want them to be good. So, boys, I’m pleading with you: STEP IT THE F UP! Good lord.
Soccer (as we yanks call it): The only thing I’m even mildly interested in is that David Beckham has pulled out (heh heh) of the England squad for its match vs. Brasil on Saturday. Apparently, he helped lead the LA Galaxy to a semi-final win over Chivas USA, and they are now headed to the finals against Houston Dynamo on Friday. Beckham is a bit of a soccer slut, as he’s played for Manchester United and Real Madrid, as well as on loan to Milano and Preston North End. But, I mean…he looks like this:
yummers.
So he can be slutty with me if he wants. I wouldn’t mind, I guess. Also, yay America!! Viva Los Angeles!
I hope you all have a great Monday! If there’s anything I can do to make it special, just let me know. For instance, if you’d like a mustache ride from Gally; or if you need to take your frustrations out on someone, gimp knows how to take a beating. Or! If you’d simply like to tickle each other and talk about boys, I’m game for that.
The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the previous day’s sporting events. Some teams/sports are left out due to extreme lack of caring…and pure laziness. But mostly because I only care about things I like, and everything else may as well not exist. Or perish in a glorious gas explosion in a tool shed. Or something.
Good morning, kiddos! We’re going to try something new over here at The Gally Blog. We’ve divvied up the Morning After Pill, because we’re too poor to get our own. So that means! You’ll be gettin’ it from me on Mondays & Wednesdays. Barring any complications or laziness. Could be more, could be less, but that’s the plan! Shall we?
NBA: Looks like the Timberwolves have wasted no time in disappointing fans this season. They’re last in the NW Division. The Nuggs are first. Know why? BECAUSE THEY’RE UNDEFEATED. The Timberwolves were undefeated for a couple days: the day of the first game, and however many days were in between their next game THAT THEY LOST. Good job ‘Wolves. Actually, they’ll be competitive in like two years, because the whole team is basically newbs. Anyway. My Celts won AGAIN, and remain undefeated. Know why? ‘Cuz they’re awesome. Apparently Phoenix is the only other undefeated team, but I kind of forgot Phoenix even had a team. Are people really Phoenix fans? Whatever. GO KG! GO CELTS! That is all.
Awww...I love us!!
NFL: I found this to be pretty comical – ESPN posted an article yesterday titled Owner Dan Snyder: 2-5 Washington Redskins have ‘let everyone down’. I mean…raise your hand if you’re surprised they’re sitting at 2-5 right now. Okay, now put your hand down if you raised it because you were surprised it wasn’t 1-6 or 0-7. If you thought the outcome was going to be better than this, I reckon you’re unable to tie your shoes on your own, or make your own bed, and you likely have a big drool stain down the front of your shirt. Jus’ sayin’.
MLB:Blah blah blah…GO PHILS!!
DWTS: If you watched Dancing With the Stars last night, you saw that Aaron Carter and his POA partner got to stay. Good for Aaron Carter. It was nice to see him doing something that didn’t involve his girlfriend Crystal and a major suckfest on the mic. Then some other fools came out and did some Milli Vanilli crap, but could never live up to the greatness that is this:
The 2009-10 Toronto Raptors fooled everyone. When they threw 5 years and an amazing $53 million at him, many in the basketball world chortled. The jokes on us that did the laughing now. He’s a star baby, a god damned star.
Look at that video. Now watch it again, although it’s not like I had to tell you that because you already did. Not only is he somewhat capable on the hardcourt, but he’s a triple threat; he act’s, sings and dances. When was the last time you saw a 6’10″ white man dance with such grace? My guess is on never.
So kudos to the Raptors. They might not win the championship this year, but they are going to have all the Turkish big wigs and celebrities banging down their door.
By the way, is it just me or could the video have done without the three I’m guessing sisters? Every time they showed up, the admittedly catchy song dies down and they just are not good enough singers or attractive enough to carry the video. It’s like that time I was in that super secret orgy and Verne “Mini Me” Troyer showed up. It was all fun and laughs, until he came around weirding people out.
[Edit: Apparently this is old, but I just saw it this morning.]
Sports are a huge part of the world today. Almost every major city has a least one major sports team, and many “small” cities have at least one. It’s a multi-billion dollar industry. According to Wiki which got it’s info from forbes.com Sept. of ’08, Manchester United was worth $1.800B, Dallas Cowboys $1,612B, Washington Redskins $1,538B, New England Patriots $1,324B, and are all more valuable than the Yankees $1,306B(suck on that New York). It’s an industry where people devote their entire lives to either playing, covering or following the games.
It’s also something that adds an emotional component to people’s lives. This emotional component can be of the good or bad variety. Fans of the Cubs have to be dealing with the fact that they haven’t won a Championship in a 100 frikken years, and it’s counting. On the other hand, the Detroit Lions fans were overjoyed in 1991 when the team won a playoff game. It was the first playoff game that they had won in 44 years. They Haven’t Won One Since, which allows them to feel the other side and for you to laugh at them. No matter whether you’re on the winning or losing side of a real NFL team, you’re going to feel something at the end of a game.
Now most of us are alcoholics, fat lumps or people devoid of any modicum of athletic ability. That pickup game of Coed volleyball you play every other week doesn’t count, nor does getting off the couch to grab another beer. continue
So yesterday the Lakers and Rockets of the NBA essentially traded each other for small forwards, Trevor Ariza for Ron Artest. Yes the same Artest that started the brawl in Detroit so many years ago. The same Artest that seemed like he wanted to fight Kobe in the playoffs. The same Artest that is crazy and can fly off the handle on a whim.
But we’re forgetting something. The comedy gold that can come out of this, for at least an entire year. Like this.
Fuck yeah, score one for me. I didn’t have to photoshop the two of them together, which is good for you as I can’t photoshop my way out of a paper bag. It’s true, all this talent, and no photoshop skills.
Anyways, as you’ve most likely heard since this is the internet and nothing stays new for more than 12 seconds, Shaq was traded to the Cavs. Phoenix traded him for $500k,the 46th draft pick, two bags of socks and a washing machine. Well maybe it was Ben Wallace and Sasha Pavlovic, and not the socks/washing machine. Either way, unless Phoenix plans on trading the 46th to the Hornets for 3 future 1st round picks(not impossible), the Cavs seem to have come out ahead.
In the Finals playoffs, the Cavs had no inside presence and their 7″3″ big man Zydrunas Ilgauskas was more likely to be throwing bricks from beyond the three than blocking Dwight Howard and what not. Shaq-fu gives them this inside presence that they clearly needed.
While Shaq is in the golden age(nearing trip to the glue factory) of his career, last year he still managed to play 30 minutes a game and post 17.8ppg with 8.4rpg. While those numbers are anything but superstar, they are much better numbers than Zydrunas Ilgauskas managed to pull off. As a bonus, the Cav’s now have two of the leagues most likeable/approachable stars together on one team. Even though that alone won’t be enough to win the championship, having Shaq there might be enough to scare all the youngins to turn the suck knob down from 11 to a more reasonable number.
While my betting history is not great, my way too early prognosis is to put my money on next year’s Cavs.
Well it seems that everyone, including David Stern is going to get their wish. That’s right it appears inevitable that we’re bound for a Kobe vs. LeBron Howard NBA Finals. Can you feel the excitement? Well anyways, the Lakers won 103-94. Kobe had 22pts 8ast and 5rbd and Lamar Odom had 19pts and 14rbd, whilst Carmelo Anthony had 31pts in a losing effort. continue
