Author: Nonpopulist Published: November 24th, 2010
This picture was tweeted with the comment, "An Auburn fan literally risked their life to get this photograph."
This week is college football rivalry week and, let’s face it, time for everyone to say their team’s particular rivalry game is the most heated, has the most gruesome history, or breaks up the most families. Those are all things worthy of being asserted with puffed-out chests to be sure, but one thing not to be disputed is whoever had the balls to tape a Cam Newton jersey t-shirt to the Bear Bryant statue in Tuscaloosa, take the time to snap a picture, then I’m sure retrieve the Newton shirt (not pictured) needs a medal of fan valor to be pinned on their chest by Lee Corso in yet another cheesy College Gameday powered by the Fart Depot commercial. That’s PsyOps level commandoism right there. After this mission was over the Auburn fan just smelted (get it, Iron?) into the bushes and has since retired to a simple life of gator hunting and cigar smoking in the Louisiana swamp. He goes into town bi-weekly to get supplies, but is very stand-offish. He never lets a smile slip and rarely says anything more than “thank you” as he slowly stalks back to his quiet little corner of the world to wrestle the demons of his past and try to forget the faces in his nightmares.
There are other heated rivalry games, but the Iron Bowl between Alabama and Auburn is certainly one of the most storied. This year’s game will mark the second in a row the game will have national championship implications. That reads like something a college football writer would put in an article, right? *pops collar* There are other meaningful games to be played this week between teams who have hated each other throughout history.
“The Civil War” between Oregon and Oregon St. (mouth fart)
“The Egg Bowl” between Mississippi and Mississippi St. (dismissive wanking motion)
Whatever they call the game between Ohio St. and Miami of Ohio Michigan
Some other regional battles (whatevs)
Those are nice, but if you only watch one rivalry game this week make it the Iron Bowl, Friday on CBS at 1:30 CST. Auburn folks have been bringing the heat this week as far as taunting leading up to the game. Check out this joke that has been tweeted and retweeted by Auburn people: Overheard joke: “Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “Bama.” “Bama who?” “Exactly.” O snap, son. That’s a Bieber-level burn. The only thing worse is if Bama would have been “sacked like a sacker” whatever the freak that means. Alabama people have also come strong with the smack this week. There have been rumblings that the Bama fans have been gathering monopoly money from their home games and plan to make it rain in the stadium at a predetermined time in order to make sport of the Auburn quarterback’s problems with off-the-field money scandals. Well played, Bama fans, but the joke will be on you next time you go to the classic Parker Brothers board game. I did see a funny photoshop some Bama fan made on this thread.
Cam Monopoly money or Camopoly money. That’s strong work.
Also, this post was rather amusing. The Iron Bowl According to Facebook by Chad Gibbs. Should be a good game. I’m sure the Florida-Florida St. game will be riveting as well. Are you sufficiently stirred up yet?
You Needed A Reminder to be thankful that you aren’t a Bills fan. In the last few weeks, they’ve benched the starting QB- who was a team captain, then cut that QB/captain, and traded a former first round pick/Pro-Bowler for a third round and a conditional pick. Oh, and lost every football game they’ve played, while being outscored by a league-worst 64 points.
For What It’s Worth the second worst point differential belongs to the 2-2 Arizona Cardinals, who are tied for first in their division.
This Week In Holy-Crap-The-Big-East-Is-Garbage, the entire conference got 84 votes in the AP poll. All of those votes were for West Virginia, who is unranked. Yet people are still mocking Boise St. for playing a terrible conference schedule.
Note to self: If ever in the public eye whether it be as an athlete or celebrity remember to watch what you say on social media outlets, i.e. Facebook, Twitter, and the cesspool known as MySpace. You never know if it will come back and bite you on the ass.
Jemere Holland, the WR for the Oregon Ducks, scratch that, former WR for the Oregon Ducks, didn’t get that memo. Holland was apparently a tad upset/angry/maybe a little drunk when he posted the following message as his Facebook status around 4 am Sunday morning:
how the f**k you kick kinko off the team,,, on some weak sh**, niggas always faded he slipped up but ive been slippn up, and I’m still here, that sh** weak buff cuh could have done damage for the ducks, that sh** is weak, weak ass f**k, quote me SbB
And quote we shall. Quote we shall.
The “Kinko” in question would actually be Kiko Alonso, a redshirt sophomore. He was busted Saturday for a DUI, or as I like to call it, “the Frat Boy Special”. It’s also important to note that Kiko was the 4th Duck to be arrested in the last month, which to me means they’re really taking the off season seriously in order to one-up the LaGarette Blount sucker punch of yesteryear. One can only hope.
No word yet on if Kiko is off the team. However, I’m not sure what’s worse: getting a DUI and getting kicked off the team, or getting a DUI and still being forced to wear those ugly fucking jerseys.
We will not be live blogging girls, but in fact NCAA Football. Maybe the girls as well.
It’s Saturday, so that means it’s time for College Football Live Blogging action. Even if you don’t like football, feel free to come in and talk shit about stuff. To access the live blog, look up to the top of the screen and click that button that says live blog, or you could click this. If either of those seem like too much work, leave snide remarks in the comments and I’ll get back to you.
The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the previous day’s sporting events. Some teams/sports are left out due to extreme lack of caring. Like curling…Especially curling.
Wake up call (ie Music Interlude)
I do not actually love the Yankees, but I do heart the boobies.
New York assholes, ie Logic, rejoice. Your New York Yankees tied up the World Series last night at one game a piece. No, I did not watch the game, but from what I can gather they won 3-1. At least that’s what Yahoo! Sports is telling me. I imagine this is great for fans of Yankees, but terrible for those of us who enjoy watching Fox’s Animation Domination on Sunday nights. Stupid playoffs. I guess the silver lining in all of this is that baseball is almost over. Soon it will hibernate and crawl back into the dark recesses of our minds. Kind of like an illegitimate child.
Sleep easy Baby Logic, for your Yankees live to fight another day.
Virginia Tech continues to ride on the wave of inconsistency as they lost to UNC last night 20-17 on a last second field goal. The loss, more than likely, puts the Hokies out of contention for the ACC Coastal title. It’s also worth noting that the loss puts Georgia Tech in a 3-way tie for first in the ACC Coastal, along with Duke and Virginia. Yes Duke and Virginia. Two teams that lost to FCS schools at the beginning of the season.
Duke is tied for first in something other than basketball and good grades with a 4-3 overall record, and a 2-1 divisional record. Virginia is even more laughable. The Cavaliers are currently 2-1 in the ACC, but have a whopping 3-4 overall record. Granted the ship will right itself and both of the aforementioned teams will go back to their bottom feeding ways. Until then the ACC will continue to look bad. Like real bad. Like that time in high school when you brought your cousin to prom. That kind of bad. Yowsers.
Texas Tech head coach, Mike Leach, is obviously a tad upset. His team did, in fact, lose to Texas A & M last weekend 52-30. A game they were favored to win, but unfortunately they could not seal the deal. Thus, tacking on another loss for the season as well as sinking my 5 team parlay. Dicks.
Sure you can blame the loss on poor coaching and maybe some lack of preparation, but that would be such a total cop out. The real culprit here is the players’ fat little girlfriends. Obviously, right?
That whole ego stroking, according to Leach, just went to the players’ heads. [insert dick joke here]
Speaking as someone who used to go (huge emphasis on the “used to” part) hoggin’ on a regular basis, I can say that fat little girlfriends are great at ego stroking. Then again they have to be…you know, because they’re fat.
We will not in fact be live blogging girls, but infact College Football.
It’s Saturday, so you know what that means. College Football. And with football being on, it means that we’re going to be live blogging it. So come in, kick your feet up and grab your nearest adult beverage. Click Here for Live Blog Action