Attending a college football game is an experience in and of itself. The tailgates and the girls are enough to make anyone say, “God, I love college.” However, when attending a college game (much like any other sporting event), you take your life into your own hands if you wear anything denoting fandom to the other team. That is unless you go to a Florida Marlins game, because as we all know no one really goes to those games anyway – including fans of the Marlins.
If the above video had taken place at a Miami home game, you could bet your sweet churro that someone was getting stabbed. But in all honesty, who starts talking shit by bringing up a team that’s not even playing? Bringing up USF at UM-UCF game makes about as much sense as going to a concert and wearing the t-shirt of the band you’re going to see. (Didn’t you fuckers watch PCU?)
He’s lucky he just got his sign ripped up. Those UCF fans are usually ruthless…and drunk. I came out from the UCF-UM game last year to find a half-defrosted Bubba Burger stuck to my windshield, and bits of raw meat splattered down my hood – All because I politely asked a UCF fan to “Please get the fuck off my car.” There’s nothing more fun than waking up each morning for a week straight to a flock of birds feasting on your car hood.
The Morning After Pill is where we review the previous day in the sporting world. Certain sports/teams are left out due to extreme lack of caring or hangovers
Headbanging coffee cup for a head guy? Headbanging coffee cup for a head guy. My day can begin…
College Football
Thursday Night brought us a conference college football match-up between Nebraska and Missouri Yawn. Sloppy field conditions and even sloppier play saw the ol Cornhuskers down 12-0 going into the 4th quarter. That is until Bo Pelini and company decided to quit fucking around and put up 27 points. Which is good news if you’re a Cornhusker fan, bad news if you (ie me) bet on Mizzou.
MLB
It’s almost that time of the year when baseball hibernates for the winter. Bows head Thank god. However, first we must make it through the playoffs. Last night saw 3 games take place, none of which I watched because I was too busy drinking looking for a cure to cancer…Yes cancer research. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. At least if my sponsor asks.
The Cardinals find themselves down 2 games to the Dodgers and Manny’s awesomely dirty looking dreads. Matt Holliday apparently had a costly error according to Twitter. I would have known firsthand if I had no life and watched baseball actually gave a shit.
Colorado tied up their series with the Phillies after a 5-4 victory. In other news makes wanking motion.
In boring playoff news the Angels brought out the rapesticks last night, shutting out the Red Sox 5-0. Normally I would be ecstatic, maybe even orgasmic after seeing Boston lose. However, I would prefer to enjoy the dismay of Boston fans after the Phillies and Yankees (suck it Logic!) are eliminated from the playoffs. Or in the case that the Phillies win the whole goddamn thing, a huge fucking meteor hits whatever stadium they’re in when they receive the championship trophy.
If the broken spirits of baseball fans could be served up as a meal my feast of dismay would look something like this:
Appetizer
Philly Cheese Steak
Main Course
New York Strip
Dessert
Boston Creme Pie
Kinda made myself hungry there. My Bloody Mary will have to wait…
So over the last few weeks I’ve been posting the NCAAF AP Poll, along with a few of my own “insights” – which is basically my way of saying smartass comments. I’ll be doing something a little different this week as I discuss a few things that stood out to me this past weekend in the world of college football. Why, you might ask? Well for one, it was hard to come up with dick-headed comments for every team in the top 25. Two, they weren’t really that funny. Let us begin.
Oklahoma-Miami
Great win for the ‘Canes. Sure they got off to a rough start, but they were able to settle down and get the win. Oklahoma came out extremely explosive, but soon fizzled out. People are going to no doubt be talking shit about this victory. “Oklahoma didn’t have Sam Bradford.” Blah blah blah.
I'm not sure how you go from 70s p-star stache to Yosemite Sam stache.
Landry Jones did not hurt his team in the slightest. Sure his mustache is an eyesore that makes even a 70′s pornstar say, “Bro, you definitely need to shave,” but he didn’t do anything to overtly hurt the team.
Yes Miami won, but let’s not get carried away with, “THE U IS BACK.” Being “back” doesn’t involve your team not winning their Conference. Barring an act of God, the Hokies will win the ACC Coastal, and probably the entire ACC. With that said, Miami is on the right path to redemption, but can we stop with all the U is back and UM swag shit? You’re making the non-douchey ‘Canes fans, like myself, look bad. I don’t need anymore negative publicity than the kind I already garner.
Florida Gators/Tim Tebow
The Gators had a bye this week and got about as much press as they would had they actually been playing. Of course, this is all centered around Tim Tebow Christ and his biblical-sized concussion. Tebow is going to play, no doubt. The kid has heart. Maybe not much in the way of brains, especially after he got partially lobotomized, but a fuckton of heart. Look for Tebow to play with the type of vengeance that hasn’t been seen since the flooding of Earth and the smiting of Sodom and Gamora in the Bible. /sigh. Bible references and Tim Tebow go together like sex and money. Wait, you don’t pay for your sex?
Random Crap
Iowa proved they only play really well against ranked opponents, eking out a craptastic win over Arkansas State 24-21…Gene Chiznik and the Auburn Tigers are now 5-0 and are in contention for the SEC Championship. A sentence I thought I would never hear…Bobby Bowden appears to be one step closer to collecting a Social Security check after each week…USF is now ranked in the top 25 and giving false hope to all the other non-UF, FSU, and UM football teams in Florida…Still surprised no one has started a Joe Paterno Twitter page. Looking at you Style Points…(Game)Cocks penetrate top 25…The only way Tebow isn’t playing this weekend is if he is nailed down to a couple of 2 x 4s….
Well that was an interesting week/weekend of college football. All sorts of craziness occurred. Mississippi remembered they were Mississippi and lost, Tebow Christ was concussed, the U is not back, Penn State loses to Iowa for the second year in a row, and I won a good percentage of my sport bets. Okay so that last part didn’t happen, but no one is really going to care about that…Except maybe my bookie, but that’s a whole other story.
Week 2 of the 2009 college football season is in the books, which means the AP poll is out. The rankings are below, along with the type of “expert” analysis that should earn me some type of writing award. But before we get to the sarcasm let me say that I hate the first 2 weeks of the college football season. For the most part it’s Div I A teams violating Div I AA teams (fuck calling it the FBS & FCS) as their family and friends are forced to watch. In some instances it’s like a really bad snuff film.
Plus it gives us no real sense of how good some of the teams really are. Can you really gauge how good a team is when they have what can only be described as a blood orgy at the expense of Eastern Washington State University? Fuck no The only good this serves is to skew the spreads and over/unders in a higher fashion which will help me to win money later in the season by betting the under and against the spread with my bookie…And by win money I mean piss away my unborn child’s college fund. Now that I’m done ranting, let’s get to the rankings…
