The Big XII had a bit of a renaissance in 2009. Old powers rose again in Nebraska, rivalries were renewed in the South, and Colorado was reminded of their place by being a horrible, horrible football team. Just like they should be. In the offseason, the romantic winds of change blew up the conference’s skirt as it was looking to establish itself as perhaps the second most relevant NCAA football conference outside of the SEC. That is, until Missouri started flirting with the Big 10, Colorado ran to the Pac10, Nebraska ended up being the school to move to the Big 10, Texas threatened to leave for the west as well, and Texas A&M almost headed to SEC country. When all was said and done, the Big XII was left weak, with doubts about it’s future, and a clear center of power in Austin, Texas.
But this isn’t the place to discuss conference realignment. There is some real, genuine, college football that is starting up soon. There are crowds in Kansas that are prepping to wave their arms like a cornfield. There are people in Lubbuck who are curious about their new coach. There are fans in Norman looking forward to a rebirth of their team. And fans all across the Big XII are prepping for one last swan song, one final send off for Colorado and Nebraska before the Big XII as we know it dissolves. Will there be blood? Oh yeah. Buckets of it enough to satisfy a Twilight Mom. So let’s get this college football season started, with a Big XII preview.
Hello, new Big 10 family. It is quite enjoyable to be joining your ranks of academic excellence and storied NCAA sporting tradition. The Nebraska Cornhuskers and the entire University of Nebraska-Lincoln is excited to enter your conference on good terms and amiable handshakes. You have no idea what it’s like to go from a conference where other lesser schools and teams (Missouri, Kansas, etc.) cupped one larger university’s balls (Texas) while they performed yearly fellatio. Hey, I love a good cupping as much as the next guy, but it got a bit out of control. It doesn’t appear to be this way in the Big 10, which we respect and appreciate each other over fine brandy and tightly rolled cigars. People genuinely seem to get along. Except of course with Iowa. Fucking Iowa.
As a new school in the conference which brings a large fan base though, there may be some confusion as to who is who and how they match up with our previous opponents. So as a friendly introduction, The Gally Blog’s resident Nebraska fan that lives in Big 10 country will gladly assist in walking former Big 12 fans into the new Big 10, and draw similarities where similarities are due. Disagree? Add your take in the comments. But without further ado, let me bridge Nebraska fans from one conference to the next …
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Musical Interlude:
Linkage:
Yahoo! Sports:Wooooooo it be official, mang. Nebraska is in the Big 10. I know college athletic support is obnoxious and everyone thinks they’re the best, but really, YOU FUCKERS HAVE NO IDEA THE PAIN WE’RE GOING TO BRING.
Deadspin:Someone went digging through the SI vault images to pull out this awesome picture of two guys fighting over a ham, I’m guessing. At an old World Cup game, of course.
Big 10 Twit Pics:It looks like the Big 10 has already started some rearranging. Wait, is this a hint at new Big 10 divisions?!?! … Probably not.
SBNation:You know what tomorrow afternoon is? Revolution Time! Get yourself pumped up for England v. America. Again. We have a pretty decent track record. How is it in soccer? I don’t actually know.
io9:Women are true manipulators and whores. Scientifically proven, I mean. Hey, don’t blame me, I didn’t cross tabulate that data to reach this result. Look in a mirror, missy.
Statesman:It sounds like with NU heading to the Big 10 that other Big 12 teams area making a run to the Pac 10. Enjoy that bi-annual trip to Washington, Texas! Suckers.
With Leather:Do you know nothing about soccer but still want to cheer for someone in the World Cup? Me too. With Leather will catch you up on it all.
Kotaku:I’m certain none of you still play this, but Rock Band 3 has a keyboard. ZOMG! Huey Lewis discography please? Thanks.
WWTDD: Did Sarah Palin get implants? Short answer; no. Longer answer, Palin, you will need to prove this to me by letting me feel your breasts before I punch your Pikachu.
The Morning After Pill is a daily recap of the previous days events from the sporting world. Certain teams and entire sports are left out due to an extreme lack of caring or crippling hangovers. It’s probably the hangovers though, and they might not even be crippling. Today’s edition has been crafted by PJD, which means that it’s full of self important bullshit and self congratulatory Nebraska masturbation. That’s how we (I) roll. Send tips to tips@ thegallyblog.com
First, some people seem to be a little upset about Nebraska (still allegedly) joining the Big 10. While an official announcement of the move is expected today, all I can say is “You mad”. You don’t like getting fisted, don’t come to a gang bang with a number 2 pencil. Just sayin’. On to the recaps.
DEEERRRRPP!!!
NBA: That mildly looking retarded fellow in the front of that picture being draped by Gary Coleman’s son is Glen “Big Baby” Davis. I hope he dies in a vat of lard. However, he played quite the game of an idiot savant Thursday night as his 18 points (nine in the fourth quarter) helped the Boston Celtics even the NBA Finals series with the Lakers at 2-2. Also, it appears that things started getting pretty chippy between the two teams with some awesome fouls being made throughout the game, and I think it was Farmar who almost lost his head. YES. AWESOME. I hope the rest of the series is this violent.
NCAA Football: Oh boy. College football has turned out to be spectacular in June. With the flurry of rumor this week about Nebraska all but being the newest member of the Big 110 (that was originally a typo, but I decide to keep it), fellow Big XII North school and notable worst fans in the entire country, Colorado Buffaloes, officially announced their removal from the Big XII to become the newest member of the Pac10. Cool! So now you’ll become like Baylor in this new conference. What a terrible school. Also, I noticed my pants getting aroused last afternoon and realized it was because USC got popped straight in the toofs by the NCAA because they’re cheaters and bad people. On top of losing scholarships and other self imposed sanctions to other school sports, USC also lost one of their recent Championships (WOO!) and can’t go bowling for two straight years (BOOYA!). Couldn’t happen to a better school. Luckily, USC fans are notoriously blasé about their team, so I’m sure no one there has even noticed yet.
MLB: There were a couple of good baseball games out last night, if you’re into that type of boring shit. Someone, the horrible team in the Oriels squeaked out a winrar against the Yankees, 4-3. The shitastic Cleveland team beat the Red Sox 8-7 as well. Even the lowly Royals beat my hometown Twins 9-8 in quite the nail biter. I’d be lying to you if I said I watched ANY of those games though. LOL! Also, this doesn’t have much to do with anything, but I saw that the new Marlins stadium that they’re building is going to have an aquarium as the backstop behind home plate, full of live fish and everything. WHAT! THAT IS FUCKING AWESOME. Good for you, forgettable Florida team.
NFL: Benetration has admitted that his actions which have led to, oh, a couple of sexual allegations were immature. /wanking motion followed by a back hand.
The Morning After Pill is a daily recap of the previous days events from the sporting world. Certain teams and entire sports are left out due to an extreme lack of caring or crippling hangovers. It’s probably the hangovers though, and they might not even be crippling. Today’s edition has been crafted by WSR, meaning the paper drafts reek of tears and whiskey. That’s how we roll. Send tips to tips@ thegallyblog.com
As a Minnesotan, I am not allowed to like Chicago sports. It’s the rules, not anything personal. So a begrudging congratulations to the Blackhawks on winning the Stanley Cup in a 4-3 overtime thriller. Once again last night, we saw why the NHL playoffs are the best in American sports. Skill and passion were everywhere in this one. Sadly, the only thing that was missing in the game as a whole was exceptional goaltending. As it was a game won by the Blackhawks, I am required by law to link to this: Dagger. If anyone you know watched this game and still isn’t a hockey fan, ostracize their incompetent ass. You should associate with morons like that, anyway.
And now, I leave my NHL roundups for the season with this picture and a tip of my cap to Philadelphia fans, who were boisterously booing Gary Bettman while he was awarding the Stanley Cup to Chicago.
Minnesota Twins 6 Royals 2 Carl Pornvano had a solid outing, allowing 2 runs over 8 innings. Kansas City is terrible.
Look at that thing. It's glorious.
Also around the league, it was Sodomy Night:
Cleveland 11 Boston 0
Tampa Bay 10 Toronto 1
Chicago Bitch Sox 15 Detroit 3
Texas 12 Seattle 2
Chicago Cubs 9 Milwaukee 4
And finally, 6 people attended last night’s Pirates-Nationals games. All six of these unfortunate souls had been handcuffed to their chair while passed out drunk the night before during StrausJesus’s performance, and couldn’t escape.
Brett Favre didn’t do anything. He also didn’t not do anything.
College Football
Yesterday was full of college football news.
*Nebraska may or may not have all but joined the Big Howeverthehellmany. As a member of the conference, I’m more than willing to welcome the Cornhuskers to our group. Since I was expecting your arrival, I made you guys a cake. Go ahead, try it. Good, huh? What do you mean the chocolate “tastes a little funny?” Eat up. Yeah, I did use something exotic in it: ex-lax. Fuck you, Nebraska Football. We’re not even yet.
* USC is going to be getting the fucking hammer. Quite honestly, this pleases me greatly. 2 year bowl ban, recruiting sanctions, and scholarship reductions are about right for one of the dirtiest programs of the last decade since the NCAA refuses to give out the death penalty anymore.
Little known fact; although I have lived in Minnesota for over 15 years, I have never lived in Nebraska. Regardless, I have strong family ties and an undeniably rooting interest in the Nebraska, and specifically the Nebraska Cornhuskers. Please, hold the fat Midwestern girl jokes until the end at least. Also, you would be wrong. Anyway, for the past several springs now my family has made it tradition to visit the lovely university campus in Lincoln every spring to attend the annual Red-White Spring Game. For those unfamiliar with the college football landscape, you suck, and a spring game is where a college football team plays their final spring practice in front of fans. Yes, it’s practice, and yes, Nebraska is awesome at fan attendance at spring games as well. They had 77,000+ attend the game, paying $10 a ticket to do so. Only Alabama has had a larger spring game attendance thus far (it was free, they just won a championship, and it’s Alabama) and the next closest Big XII team in spring game attendance was Texas with 44,000. Think it’s stupid? Football recruits actually love seeing a game day atmosphere in April. BOOSH! HUSKERS WIN!
