Boomer Esiason is quite clearly known for one thing, and one thing only; having a first name synonymous with a fart. What, you never called farts “Boomers” in your household? Were your parents gay? Oh, I guess he played football for a while too, but it was with the Bengals back during the Civil War, so no one remembers or cares. All of this makes it even more suspicious why people are talking to him in this day and age. Recently, Fart-Man had this to say about the NFL’s most awesome team in recent history (The Jets, for you fat Colts fans):
CBS’ Boomer Esiason says the New York Jets have gained “the perception of a frat house gone wild,” and it “has to fall at the feet” of coach Rex Ryan. But Ryan, in a taped feature on NBC Sunday, told Bob Costas: “I’m not concerned about how I’m viewed.”
Hey, Boom-Boom, shut your fucking mouth. No one cares what you have to say about anything, ever, and you have the gall to get all huffy and puffy about the Jets shower pounding Ines Sainz, saying FUCK on TV like a real American, and using hilarious racial epithet’s when referring to the wet back Sanchez? Way to ruin everyone’s fun, you dildo queen. It’s open sores like you that ruin the NFL for everyone else, you and Tony Dungy burning gays at the stake. The sooner you all die from shattered knees, the better.
Boomer Esiason is now my least favorite player, ever. At least guys like Emmitt Smitch, Steve Young, and Keyshawn Johnson on TV have the decency to be black.
Author: Nonpopulist Published: September 16th, 2010
I would contend that a pair of pants has never fit better on a booty. Ever.
One thing I think we can all agree on is Ines Sainz is sexy. And I have the Ines Sainz hot sexy booty pics to prove it. If you do not know who Ines Sainz is then crawl out from that bonerless rock you’ve been under and get a load of this. (she’s no Miss Campo, though.)
Padow!
Ines Sainz (twitter) is the reporter at the epicenter of the latest controversy surrounding the New York Jets. She was at the Jets’ facility last Saturday (on Sept. 11th of all days!) in the Jets’ locker room as a credentialed reporter to interview Mark Sanchez when something or other happened that in some way could be construed as harassment or cat-calling or less than savory behavior. This whole situation is being blown way out of proportion. The reason I’m not going to take the pussy women’s liberation stance is because I actually watched her talk about the whole situation in an interview on Fox News thanks to this Youtube video. and can see this for what it really is. Check out this video, and you will see what I mean.
Allow me to clear up some confusion by sharing insight from that video. (Hat tip to HuggingHaroldReynolds where I first saw the video.) In the above video she explains the tweet that largely contributed to the explosion of this story. She tweeted she was “dying of embarrassment.” Here’s where this story is getting lost in translation for many people. She was not dying of embarrassment because of anything the players did. She was embarrassed because of how big a deal either other reporters or Jets management made of what the players did or said. I’m not sure which because she can’t speak-a-da-Anglish too goods. The bottom line is now that the media firestorm machine has cranked up to 11 she’s not going to douse the story. NO DIFFUSER IS SHE! . She sees her opportunity, and she plans to maximize it. She’s not going for Larry Flynt-level offers. She wants Dancing with the Stars-level offers. The interview where the FoxNews reporter could not stop staring at her open blouse was very telling. Two things in particular stood out. But first, it’s been too long without a picture.
That is a superb rack.
The first thing that stood in that video is what I will call a difference of cultures. Part of the allegations of people who are defending the Jets in a sort of “she was asking for it/ date rape” sort of argument is that she was dressed too provocatively. Ok, even the person interviewing her can’t quit staring at her boobs because her awesome rack is being shown through a gaping button-down shirt. She doesn’t get it. Have you seen Mexican television? Women being objectified is par for the course. Even after the initial hullabaloo this incident has caused she is not dressing any differently. In her mind she is already taken seriously or is taken as seriously as she thinks she ever will be. The second thing I noticed from the video is she is loving the attention in an almost sinister way. Watch the video again. Pay special attention to 2:58- 3:08. The look she gives at 3:05-3:06 is probably her “OOOhhhh face.” You like for men to pay you attention, honey? You want me to tell you your pretty and everyone pays attention to you? You want to give me a little twirl? Yeh, show me what a good reporter you are. Talk into this mike and give me the story. Yeh, you’re good at giving me that story. I’ve been watching a lot of porn lately just like the Jets’ players or any other testosterone-filled male.
She didn’t go to journalism school, but damn she works on that body. Which one is better, honestly? I’m tired of these pussy guys coming out saying how outraged they are at that a woman was catcalled. Get off of your soap box and go look at some more porn because with these statements “defending the honor” of women I know you’re not getting laid. Women don’t want a chivalrous crusader. They want to be run. Do you not pay attention to the bang bus pornography videos you watch? I keeps my woman barefoot and making me mexican food. Or italian food. I might be in the mood for some homemade meatballs tonight. Every once in a while I let her have the sexuals, but I don’t let her finish. Gots to keep ‘em wantin’ more!
I would eat Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies off of that butt. Let’s discuss the athlete locker room for a moment. I am of the opinion no one besides players, coaches, and other staff should be in a locker room at any level, male reporters included. There have long been rumors of Peter King picking out packages he likes in the various locker rooms he visits. Are female reporters allowed in college locker rooms? High school? Middle school? How about we let them in elementary school physical education locker rooms to get the inside story on how little Timmy is able to get so many people out by catching dodgeballs thrown his way. How about men in those same locker rooms? How about you just let me in a WNBA locker room? RAWR!
Don’t get me started on Clinton Portis’ comments regarding female reporter’s in the locker room. The man Robert Littal over at BlackSportsOnline has a good story detailing Portis’ statements and subsequent lightning-fast apology. Portis basically said that of the 53 potential penises a female reporter sees in a locker room she is just bound to fall for one. Now he is taking the fall along with the Jets as a poster boy of misogyny in professional sports. That’s not sexism, though. That’s freaking math. Has no one seen The Bachelorette? Portis can’t help he got a first class education from the University of Miami. It is simple statistics. In a room of males at prime breeding age a female is highly likely to find one or more acceptable candidates for reproduction. I’m sad that Clinton was made to apologize for math. What is this society coming to?
This is the picture (above) Ines Sainz tweeted as an example of what she was wearing. I’m not sure. I could use more leg.
Or midriff!
The number of self-righteous sports “journalists” weighing in on this situation is beginning to make me nauseous. When can we expect to hear a respected sports media member like Jay Mariotti weigh in on this issue. But seriously, this lady has a twitter background that screams, I AM TO BE RESPECTED AS A JOURNALIST!” I downloaded it so you can see for yourselves.
The New York Jets organization is in full spin and PR mode now that this has gotten some attention, but I haven’t heard much from the NFL itself. You know why that is? Because the process of harassment was not completed. Get it? Like the controversial Calvin Johnson non-catch against the Bears last weekend? Do I have to spell everything out for you?
I personally think Ines Sainz is an inspiration. Her story proves that if one chases fame and whores yourself out (metaphorically, I mean) enough that your dream of 15 minutes of fame can one day be realized. She’s been showing up to Super Bowl media days since at least 2007 to drum up attention and not really cover the game. She’s waited so long and now her dream of fleeting fame with no discernible talent other than looking sexy as hell has come true. Here she is at the Colts- Bears Super Bowl from 2007 getting more information than the players really wanted to give about the offensive blocking schemes.
In conclusion Ines Sainz has not lived up to the lofty journalistic standards of those who came before her like Erin Andrews. Maybe the two of them need to get together over some hot tea and just hug it out. They feel each other’s pain just like they are feeling each other’s trim backs as they embrace. As they slowly rub each other reassuringly they can each tell that the other works out regularly. Andrew’s mind drift to images of Ines on a rubber workout ball, just bouncing… When she awakes from her daydream she realizes their lips have already connected and Ines has oiled up the strap-on…
You should also check out SportsbyBrooks‘ and Deadspin’s take on this issue because this was just me being a confusing jerk.
Author: Nonpopulist Published: September 8th, 2010
The 2010-2011 NFL season is so close, bitches. NFL fever is heating up like a rapist’s breath on your neck. As the cheesy-ass NFL Network ad reminds us everyone has high hopes for now. Every NFL team is 0-0 with a chance of winning it all, or so you think. I have some bad news for you all. Your team is going to suck this year. There’s only one team that wins the Super Bowl every year. Everyone else just sucks. Some NFL team fan bases already know their favorite team is going to suck. They tune in to see how their team will suck specifically this season, though. I will be sharing my insights as to why your team is likely to suck on a division-by-division basis. Next up, the AFC East.
Why the Miami Dolphins will suck this year:
The Miami Dolphins appear poised to make a run at winning the division title in the AFC East this year. One problem, they are starting a flash in the pan quarterback (Chad Henne) while a proven veteran (Chad Pennington) will begin the year on the bench. Also, the Dolphins’ offense will still rely heavily on the wildcat single wing. Not that there is anything wrong with the single wing, except it’s for pussies. Henne will falter despite the kool-aid people are currently drinking after his impressive run of performances to end last season. The big free agent splash made by the Brandon Marshall signing will have little to no impact considering this team will try to run the ball behind an aging Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown who is recovering from injury. Yeh, this is your year Dolphins’ fans. *mouth fart* Prediction: 8-8
Why the New York Jets will suck this year:
The hype machine can not produce a much bigger snowball than the New York Jets have rolling right now. Lost in the Hard Knocks hoopla is the fact the Jets have a one-sided offense. Mark Sanchez can not be relied upon for anything other than handing the ball off to Shonn Greene and hopefully not Ladainian Tomlinson. What a relief that Darrelle Revis finally signed a contract extension and is finally practicing with the team. But wait, he’s not in football shape. He missed all of training camp, the preseason, and hasn’t been hitting anyone. That makes for a likely early season injury. I’m thinking he will have something with his hamstring that will hang around all year. The Jets are bound to disappoint this year. Prediction: 9-7
Why the New England Patriots will suck this year:
I predict the series of lackluster seasons for the Patriots will continue this year. It’s awfully hard to win games in the National Football League when you can’t cheat to win. Wouldn’t you agree, Bill Belichick? Belichick, the NFL’s Eddie Guerrero (RIP) already has a depleted secondary to start the year. The hole left by departing defensive veterans such as Brushy, Vrabel, Rodney Harrison, Asante Samuel, and Richard Seymour won’t be as bad as last year, but they are still lacking in talent. Randy Moss isn’t happy. He doesn’t feel wanted since he hasn’t been offered a big new contract. Does he want Robert Kraft to come read him a damn bedtime story too? And maybe stick two fingers in his vagina? Randy Moss isn’t a locker room cancer when he’s unhappy. He’s locker room necrotic tissue. He just shuts down, shrivels up and dies. Ask the Vikings and the Raiders. That’s all this team needs to be successful this year- a distraction on top of lacking talent. And Tom Brady has gone soft. There, I said it. Predcition 5-11
Why the Buffalo Bills will suck this year:
The Bills have a new coach, Chan Gailey, and with a name like Gailey you know he has to be good at football. The Bills are going to be at the bottom of this division for some time. They have two very talented running backs in Fred Jackson and the rookie C.J. Spiller, and then they have Marshawn Lynch. What’s up with that dude? I know he has a minor injury right now, but does it seem to anyone besides me that he is fading out of existence like somebody messed up in Back to the Future? Trent Edwards can be a decent quarterback, but the offensive line will not give him a chance to succeed. There is some talent on defense, but not enough to make a difference in their division. Prediction 3-13
Well it’s NFL Championship weekend. Tomorrows AFC matchup is between Peyton Manning of the Indianapolis Colts, and Rex Ryan of the New York Jets.
First Derivative and myself analyzed the two teams and put in our two cents this morning over at The Phoenix Pub. Instead of trying to analyze them twice and just repeat myself, I’m taking the lazy route and sending you over to the Pub for groundbreaking analysis.
It’s Monday folks. Yes the week has started, and yes Mondays are almost exclusively designated as a shitty, shitty day…But it’s football season, thus making Mondays awesome. Monday Night Football, and football in general is everything that is right in America, next to happy hour specials and anonymous, casual sex.
Tonight’s contest has the New York Jets facing off against the Miami Dolphins. For some inexplicable reason the Dolphins are hosting their second MNF game of the season. We’ll file that under the heading of “Good idea at the time.” I guess winning the AFC East last season was enough to justify 2 MNF games during the first 5 weeks of the season. Eh whatever.
Last time the Dolphins hosted a MNF game against the Colts I had the pleasure of attending. And by pleasure I mean that I paid $50+ on stadium booze to not even get mildly buzzed. I was actually drunk going into the game and somehow drinking in the stadium actually sobered me up. I’m not quite sure how that works, but it did. You may recall my drunken recollection of the game. Tonight game will be enjoyed from the confines of my own home. Where the booze is cheap and I can poop use the bathroom without worrying about contracting Hep C from the toilet seat.
A win here and the Dolphins are back in the hunt for the AFC East. A loss and it more than likely becomes a footrace for the AFC East between the Patriots and Jets. At which point the Dolphins will be focused on trying not to be as bad as the Buffalo Bills, who are god awful, but more on that in a bit.
The Jets are coming off a loss to the Saints. On the plus side the Jets have added WR Braylon Edwards to the fold, which will definitely benefit their passing game. Not to mention he can always punch someone in the face if necessary.
The Dolphins started this season 0-3, which is no reason to panic, right? I mean they did lose starting QB Chad Pennington for the season, but don’t panic, right? Should they be panicking? I mean they played pretty good against the Colts a few weeks back, controlling time of possession and outgaining the Colts on the ground. I mean, sure they lost, but they have some momentum on their side now. Just last week they beat the Buffalo Bills. Hmm. The same Buffalo Bills who could only put up 3 points against a Cleveland Browns team whose QB, Derek Anderson, could only complete 2 of his 17 passes. Yeah I would be mildly concerned if I were the Dolphins, but way more concerned if I were the Bills.
Speaking of the Buffalo Bills, their head coach Dick Jauron is so gone after this season. That is if he even makes it to the end of the season. My list of coaches to be fired this season, during or after, looks something like Jim Zorn, Dick Jauron, and Jack del Rio. And in the case that these coaches aren’t fired, the NFL could always look to de-expansion the league.
Hear me out. Sure the NFL is big on expansion, but how about going the reverse route. Instead of adding more teams, how about getting rid of teams. Like really shitty teams. Maybe do some type of elimination playoff where the winning team gets to stay in the league while the losers are relocated to the UFL or the CFL. Either one would really suffice. The only downside to that plan is it lacks a clear cut strategy of getting rid of Detroit. The city, not just the team, but I digress.
Now I don’t really care who wins this game. Well let me take that back. I care to a certain extent because the Jets by 3.5 points and the over of 36.5 is the difference between me winning money and me losing the functionality of both my knee caps. Gambling debts aside I don’t have any real emotions vested in this game. Which means I’m totally able to make fun of both fan sets.
Jets fans will probably react to the above video by calling that kid the C-word. Followed by a plethora of expletives and finish it off by wishing bodily harm to that child’s family as the child watches.
Dolphins fans will think this youngster’s angst is so cute and adorable. That is until he’s all grown up and starts going to games dressed like this…
Either that or he’ll grow up to be a criminal…But I’m thinking that’s more of a Miami thing and not so much related to Dolphin fandom.
I don’t have what most people consider the necessary “experience” or “credentials” required to post a legit preview of the AFC East. However, what I lack in football knowledge I make up for with my ability to consume vast amounts of alcohol. Something my AA sponsor can attest to. Realistically this post is a drinking game disguised as an AFC East Preview, which is statistically proven to be better than any predictions or fantasy tips that I could possibly give. So sit back, relax, and get your beer/liquor/shots of choice ready for some 2009 AFC East football.
Note: Drinks are stated as whatever a standard sip is to you. Personal preference varies and can mean a two second gulp to some or shot gunning an entire beer to others. If it says take a shot, it’s referring to a shot of heavy alcohol, ie liquor, but I recommend doing so sparingly. Oh yeah, one more thing. We here at the Gally Blog are not responsible for any harm suffered as a result of actually playing the drinking game suggestions in this post. Seriously, pace yourselves…You lightweights!
Miami Dolphins
The defending champs. Woohoo! Sarcasm Even though I am geographically located down in the penis shaped peninsula of the US of A it’s hard for me to get behind them, mainly because I’m so sick and tired of them running that damned Wildcat formation. Sure it’s effective sometimes, but even when it’s not they will continue to run it until I am out of things to throw at my T.V. From here on out I only want to hear the phrase “wildcat” mentioned when it’s in reference to some sexy cougar who is eye fucking the hell out of me as she sips her peach mango martini from across the bar.
Now that’s a Wildcat I can get behind…
Drinking game to be played while watching the Dolphins:
As a rule of thumb anytime the Wildcat is run or even spoken by any announcer take a drink. This will more than likely occur at an astronomical rate during the course of a game so be sparingly with your drinks. That is unless you have a steel clad liver, or access to a fresh IV the next morning, which is rumored to be the best way to overcome a hangover.
In the case you make it through an entire quarter without the Wildcat being ran, just finish whatever drink you have in your hand.
Since reporters and news media personalities keep referring to Chad Pennington as a short term solution at quarterback have a drink every time Chad Henne is mentioned as being the future at quarterback.
Any mention of Bill Parcells should result in a drink. Drink two if Parcells is mentioned in relation to his turning the team around after their 1-15 season.
Have a drink anytime the Dolphins march their way down field only to kick a field goal, throw an interception, or come away without any points at all. Drink 2 if you consider yourself to be a Dolphins’ fan. Drink 3 if all the above occurs and you own a Dan Marino jersey. Seriously fuck that guy. Way to never win a Super Bowl during your tenure here…Dick.
Now that’s a Wildcat I can get behind…
