Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Thursday September 15th 2011

Posts Tagged ‘NFL Network’

Some Quick Thoughts on the NFL Scouting Combine and Measurables Vs. Intangibles

Cam Newton is currently leading all combine participants in the intangible known as “swagger”

The NFL Scouting Combine has been airing for the past few days on NFL Network. I’m always fascinated by the process of evaluating these college football players who are competing to impress NFL personnel into drafting the player early thereby ensuring a significant payday. After all, it’s dolla dolla bill, y’all. What fascinates me about the combine and also the draft are the same reasons my favorite part of the Madden NFL games is always the offseason portion. It’s building a team through player evaluation that gets my high motor going.

Cliches abound at the draft. It’s what sport, and I guess life, fall back on. Two terms I hear thrown around a lot are measurables and intangibles. I’m not saying there’s no value in those terms because there is. I’m saying they’re cliched because people throw the terms around a lot. Sunday at the combine was the day the quarterbacks, running backs, and wide receivers were evaluated on the field, and I took special notice of how two wide receivers were being analyzed by the NFL Network crew. On most draft boards the two highest-rated receivers are A.J. Green and Julio Jones. From what I’ve seen on the field and yesterday in the drills I understand why those two are the highest rated. They are both outstanding athletes, although Julio Jones stood way out from Green in the drills yesterday. He “jumped out of the gym” as one NFL Network analyst put it. (I think it was Rich Eisen.) He did jump out of the gym. You saw his natural athletic ability in a measurable and impressive way. To be honest he kind of put Green and the other wide receivers to shame. These guys aren’t compared solely on the basis of who has the fastest 40 yard dash time or who broad jumps the furthest, though. That would be ridiculous. Mike Mayock does a good job of guiding the discussion when the people on set are talking about players. He often says things like, “go back to the tape.” He’s right, because if you drafted players on paper then Julio Jones would be the highest receiver taken, no question. The problem is I still think A.J Green is a better receiver and a better pro prospect. You have to go back to the tape to see the difference in these players, though. (more…)

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Brett Favre Update: He’s Coming Back

I’d rather be working my land… /hand wank motion

During the Pro Football Hall of Fame induction ceremony and speeches on Saturday night the NFL Network broadcast managed to tastelessly work in what has been dubbed a “Favre-watch update.” Rich Eisen introduced the short segment with a splash screen and the horn sound played at Vikings’ games. Rich approaches each Favre-watch update with his tongue appropriately in his cheek. I think Eisen has found the perfect balance on covering Favre. He knows he has to talk about every turn of Favre’s waffling, but he also realizes what a circus it is. Props to Mr. Eisen for finding a good balance. I have enjoyed Rich on NFL Network much more than I ever did on Sportscenter.

On to the actual “news” if you can call it that. The “source” for the update on Favre was Steve Mariucci who received a text message or two from Favre earlier in the day. I  can’t stand name-droppers. I put “source” in quotes since Mariucci is just another pawn on Brett Favre’s chessboard, and he only gets fed information that the ol’ dong picture-slinger wants to get out to the media. O, now’s a perfect time to look at the tasty broad to which Favre allegedly texted pictures of his dick. Yeh, I said tasty broad.

Jenn Sterger hot sexy tits other search keywords ha cha cha

Someone needs to tell her to speak up on her show on Versus, The Daily Line. She was low-talking during the whole show that I saw. The only reason I watched was because the illustrious Drew Magary was on the show via web cam that doubles as a Chatroulette masturbation tool in the evenings. I have to say I was a little disappointed in Drew’s performance considering he is the best blogger drawing breath. He was still good, just not as hilarious as I had hoped. Maybe they didn’t give him enough time to prepare. O wait, I’m doing a Favre-watch update. I got a little rabbit-trailed there

The text Mariucci received from Favre said that “his arm feels great.” We can infer from that Favre’s arm feels great. Also in the text Favre said that his “conditioning is good, but he can’t run without pain in his ankle.” Brett also revealed he’s “trying to come back.” Well, no crap. I think we have all been operating under that assumption. I know that we here at The Gally Blog have been. He’s coming back after the third preseason game, people. We’ve known this all along. Favre has another appointment with Dr. James Andrews next week. How rich must that guy be with every athlete going to see him for their every orthopedic need?

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Not Depressed Enough This Offseason? Watch America’s Game: The Missing Rings

John Randle is missing a ring

This post originally aired last week but was lost when our host rattled our server around.

We are in the doldrums of the NFL offseason. It’s a depressing time. March Madness doesn’t mean that much to me. Baseball season starting? Mouth fart. No, I made up my mind a few years ago to focus on the best and give up the rest. The NFL is the tits as far as I’m concerned which means I am nearly inconsolable this time of year. There are, of course, the momentary fixes. Donovan McNabb being traded to the Redskins? Delicious, yet not filling. Brett Favre is going to be a grandfather? Haha, he’s old. Suck it, old man. I can only look at so many mock drafts and enter the contest to get to announce a pick at the NFL draft at nfl.com so many times.

I mostly turn to NFL Network to alleviate the withdrawal symptoms I have. There I find some gems such as NFL Films productions. NFL films is awesome. I don’t think anyone can question that statement. The America’s Game series they do with Super Bowl winners is so excellently made that I was drawn in to the story of all three Patriots’ Super Bowl wins. I was compelled, people, and I normally loathe the Patriots. The Missing Rings series NFL Films is doing on the greatest NFL teams to not win the Super Bowl is heart-stopping in its tragedy, though. Watching one of these is like watching a movie about someone who trains for triathlons and takes care of their body to an insane degree get diagnosed with cancer, fight the cancer into remission, get AIDS from a blood transfusion, fight the AIDS with Magic Johnson-level efficiency, then get into a car wreck and dies on the way to cash a lottery check. (more…)

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