Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Saturday January 7th 2012

Posts Tagged ‘NFL’

Some Quick Thoughts on the NFL Scouting Combine and Measurables Vs. Intangibles

Cam Newton is currently leading all combine participants in the intangible known as “swagger”

The NFL Scouting Combine has been airing for the past few days on NFL Network. I’m always fascinated by the process of evaluating these college football players who are competing to impress NFL personnel into drafting the player early thereby ensuring a significant payday. After all, it’s dolla dolla bill, y’all. What fascinates me about the combine and also the draft are the same reasons my favorite part of the Madden NFL games is always the offseason portion. It’s building a team through player evaluation that gets my high motor going.

Cliches abound at the draft. It’s what sport, and I guess life, fall back on. Two terms I hear thrown around a lot are measurables and intangibles. I’m not saying there’s no value in those terms because there is. I’m saying they’re cliched because people throw the terms around a lot. Sunday at the combine was the day the quarterbacks, running backs, and wide receivers were evaluated on the field, and I took special notice of how two wide receivers were being analyzed by the NFL Network crew. On most draft boards the two highest-rated receivers are A.J. Green and Julio Jones. From what I’ve seen on the field and yesterday in the drills I understand why those two are the highest rated. They are both outstanding athletes, although Julio Jones stood way out from Green in the drills yesterday. He “jumped out of the gym” as one NFL Network analyst put it. (I think it was Rich Eisen.) He did jump out of the gym. You saw his natural athletic ability in a measurable and impressive way. To be honest he kind of put Green and the other wide receivers to shame. These guys aren’t compared solely on the basis of who has the fastest 40 yard dash time or who broad jumps the furthest, though. That would be ridiculous. Mike Mayock does a good job of guiding the discussion when the people on set are talking about players. He often says things like, “go back to the tape.” He’s right, because if you drafted players on paper then Julio Jones would be the highest receiver taken, no question. The problem is I still think A.J Green is a better receiver and a better pro prospect. You have to go back to the tape to see the difference in these players, though. (more…)

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The Danger Guererro Gally Blog Podcast: Episode 2

Yeah, lazy. We'll design a logo at some point.

Welcome again folks to a Danger Guerrero presents the Gally Blog Podcast featuring Danger Guerrero and some other guys presentation. This week, we talk about The Super Bowl results and our MVP’s, Troy Polamalu, the NFL lockout, next season’s predicted NFL champions, a UFC 126 wrapup, a game of Sex Act or Hackers and as always, Danger Guerrero.

I think we’ve fixed the noise settings that plagued last week’s episode, but it’s still a work in progress so bear with us. Enjoy muchachos.

[Edit: Our feed is updating so I'll post the iTunes link once that has finished.]

Below the jump is the picture we rambled on about.

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The Debut Gally Blog Podcast!

Yeah, lazy. We'll design a logo at some point.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Without further waiting, we present to you the debut Gally Blog Podcast. In this meandering episode, Phillip(@nonpopulist), Hugh(@THElogic) and myself talk about stuff. Mostly sports. We open with a shoutout to the mysterious @DangerGuerrero, move on to the Super Bowl, talk about Deadspin and then drift into random ramblings. We apologize for the length, but it’s our first time and we didn’t know what to expect. Enjoy and feel free to give us feedback..

P.S. I’m aware I sound like a husky 15 year old girl. No need to include that in the feedback.

P.P.S. It’s not on iTunes yet, but it will be.


The Download link is here

Some have found the other place slow and laggy, so I hope this one works better.

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Rubetastic: The Gally Blog NFL Betting Guide- Divisional Round Playoff Picks Guaranteed to Lose

This is your weekly NFL betting guide written by the rubiest rube of all rubes, Nonpopulist. I have been making my own NFL lines since 2005, and while I am no expert I would rate myself as an above average prognosticator/ handicapper. The Rubetastic post will be a mixture of picking against Vegas lines, insight into why I think a line was set a certain way, what my own lines are and how I came to those lines, overall NFL betting trends I notice, apologies about being completely wrong the prior week, and a disclaimer that the post is all for fun and you assume all risk when betting on the advice of some jackhole on the internet.

Let’s see, last week I achieved the impossible, the seemingly impossible, as it were. I stank fingered a nun. I know, right? *Bro fives* I also picked each NFL game from Wildcard weekend wrong against the spread. I was on the wrong side of the bet each time. This should be the point at which you click away from this page or leave a comment calling me stupid. Let’s review my picks from last week that put me at a disappointing 0-4 for the postseason.

New Orleans  -10.5 @ Seattle: WRONG. No one saw Seattle winning this game. I should have gone with my instinct that the spread was too big.

New York Jets @ Indianapolis -2.5: WRONG. Peyton crapped the bed in the playoffs again. I should have seen that coming.

Baltimore @ Kansas City +3: WRONG. My vision in which I saw Jamaal Charles running for a long touchdown and Kansas City upsetting Baltimore was partly correct but was obviously a product of Satan. I’ll get you for this, Satan.

Green Bay @ Philadelphia -2.5: WRONG. Mike Vick, you were supposed to be a Cinderella. You let me down.

Let’s move on to next week.

I shouldn’t have any confidence in my picks this week, but I do. I’m such an idiot. If you agree with any of these picks make sure you change your mind.

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh -3: This game is a toss up. I give Pittsburgh the edge due to playoff experience. I guess I should say recent successful playoff experience. Flacco is still a liability.
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Rubetastic: The Gally Blog NFL Betting Guide- Wildcard Weekend Filled with Bold Predictions

This is your weekly NFL betting guide written by the rubiest rube of all rubes, Nonpopulist. I have been making my own NFL lines since 2005, and while I am no expert I would rate myself as an above average prognosticator/ handicapper. The Rubetastic post will be a mixture of picking against Vegas lines, insight into why I think a line was set a certain way, what my own lines are and how I came to those lines, overall NFL betting trends I notice, apologies about being completely wrong the prior week, and a disclaimer that the post is all for fun and you assume all risk when betting on the advice of some jackhole on the internet.

Last week I finished up a disappointing regular season in which I hit the skids pretty hard in the mid to late part of the season. Hit the skids? That sounds like it should be a gay sex euphemism. Here’s a recap of my week 17 picks that ended up giving me a final regular season record of 36-33-3 against the spread. I’m above water which is pretty much how I ended every season when I used to bet online. Keep in mind that some of the ones I got right I was very sure of and would have placed a larger bet and suggested you should do the same.

She's got just the kind of thickness I like, not that much

The playoffs are always interesting both to watch and handicap. There are some tried and true principles which govern recent NFL playoff football and some anomalous tidbits which need to be taken into consideration. Some of the widely agreed upon rules which are never hard and fast (tee hee) but should be considered with each matchup are:
1. Quarterback play is exponentially more key to a team’s victory in the playoffs than the regular season as far as confidence, production during the regular season, and playoff experience.
2. Prior playoff experience for coaches is huge whether it be as a head coach, player, or as an assistant coach. Sean Payton was the offensive coordinator and play caller when the Giants lost to the Ravens in the Super Bowl. He knew he had to seize the freaking day to have a chance to win, and he was not going to get burned again.
Here’s my picks for Wildcard Weekend:

New Orleans  -10.5 @ Seattle: I went back and forth a bit on this game. With such a large spread, the Seattle home field advantage, and the Saints running game looking so shaky with all the injuries I think Seattle will make a game of it for a while. Matt Hasselback and the Seahawk defense just does not have the juice to pull this off. The strange thing is I even leaned closer to picking Seattle when I still thought Charlie Whitehurst was going to start. He may still get some playing time in this game depending on how well the Saints rush the quarterback.

New York Jets @ Indianapolis -2.5: It pains me to pick the Colts, but the home field advantage is a factor as well as Peyton Manning.The hidden key to this game is the Cotls’ defense. A lot of people are still operating under the assumption the Colts’ defense is horrible since it was for most of the season. They have played very well the past couple of weeks, though. It’s a trend with the Colts. If Indy gets out to an early lead this game will be over after the first quarter. Joseph Addai is back for the Colts also. (more…)

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Last Call: People Gettin’ Fired Y’all

Oldie, but I like it

Last call is the primo hang out for all your internet after-hours cool people and wannabes. So be hip or eat shit. They call this black Monday in the NFL world because after the season is over a lot of coaches get fired. They do not call it black Monday because black coaches get hired or really anything besides interviewed to satisfy the Rooney rule. /Race relations’d. The exception this year is Leslie Frazier who has been named head coach of the Minnesota Vikings. Eric Mangina was fired. Fisher is safe for another season. The Jaguars are going to keep Jack Del Rio and are moving to Los Angeles in a year or two anyway. What did I miss? Let’s get to some links.

Linkage:

BlackSportsOnline: Brett Favre is getting sued for sexual harassment. I wonder if the defendant will have a shortage of character witnesses. /Cut to Peter King drooling and humping Favre’s leg. Who am I kidding? This will never go to trial.

AltReport: Chloe Sevigny was at the beach and thankfully? someone got pictures of that momentous occasion. The Alt Report is one of the few sites on the internet that makes me laugh consistently.

Deadspin: Hilarious. Apparently Jim Rome caught a taping of America’s Funniest Home Videos and Michelle Beadle was in the audience as well. Awesome.

GoDuckGo: Google tracks almost everything you do. I use AdBlockPlus to combat most of what this page talks about. Very important stuff here.

Nerdist: Check out this post if you’re paranoid like I am.

Cheesecake for the fellas:

Act like you can get enough of Alison Brie. Try to act like you can, liar.

Cheesecake for the ladies:

Reenactment of me on New Year’s Eve

Music Video: The Who with David Gilmour- Love Reign O’er Me

Nonpopulist out.


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A Dramatic Interpretation of the NFL, the Eagles, and the City of Philadelphia

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Rubetastic: The Gally Blog NFL Betting Guide: Week 16, Finishing Strong

This is your weekly NFL betting guide written by the rubiest rube of all rubes, Nonpopulist. I have been making my own NFL lines since 2005, and while I am no expert I would rate myself as an above average prognosticator/ handicapper. The Rubetastic post will be a mixture of picking against Vegas lines, insight into why I think a line was set a certain way, what my own lines are and how I came to those lines, overall NFL betting trends I notice, apologies about being completely wrong the prior week, and a disclaimer that the post is all for fun and you assume all risk when betting on the advice of some jackhole on the internet.

This week’s highly anticipated Rubetastic will be abbreviated since I can only steal away so many moments at the in-laws place. Let’s look at the week 15 picks which brought my season total to 31-27-3.

Kansas City @ St. Louis +1: WRONG, I made this pick when I didn’t think Matt Cassell was going to start. Remember he was iffy all week after his surgery. I’m not saying I would have picked Kansas City had I known Cassell was playing. I am saying I wouldn’t have included it in the picks I recommended had I known he was going to play and be effective.

Arizona @ Carolina -2.5: RIGHT. Both teams such, but Carolina has shown a little bit more in my opinion recently plus ARI had to travel from west to east.

New Orleans @ Baltimore -1: RIGHT. I knew either team could win this game, and it would most likely be close. I gave the edge to Baltimore since New Orleans is a dome team and they were playing outdoors at Baltimore. That stuff means a couple of points during the colder months.

Detroit @ Tampa Bay -5.5: WRONG. Damn you Drew Stanton and damn you Tampa Bay. Why are you guys shitting the bed all of  a sudden. You’ve had such a good season. I guess the Bucs’ heads are getting dizzy from being in the clouds. I’m staying away from Tampa Bay for the final two weeks of the season.

Philadelphia +3 @ New York Giants: RIGHT. I was confused by New York being favored in this game. I order to get equal action I had placed my line at PHI -2. I had an inkling Philly would win by at least a TD.

Denver @ Oakland -6.5: RIGHT. People are ready to drink the Tebow kool-aid and his jizz along with it. I was talking to a friend that has Tebow blinders on and I told him NFL defensive coordinators will have Tebow figured out all of next year off of these last 3 games of the season.

Chicago -3.5 @ Minnesota: RIGHT. Again I gave Chicago a few points since this game was to be played outdoors and because at the time we all thought Joe Webb was going to start. I didn’t panic when it was learned Favre was going to start. I got the CHI -3.5 from the ESPN pick ‘em game, but I saw the line on the day of the game at CHI -8. I would have still bet Chicago there even with Favre playing. I thought it was very likely he wouldn’t finish the game to the point I didn’t even take Joe Webb out of the lineup for a fantasy football playoff game and replace him with Aromoshadu or Hester even though I had plenty of time to do so.
Cheerleader time.

Quick and dirty this week.

New York Jets @ Chicago -1: I like Chicago this week as Mark Sanchez is hurt and possibly not playing.

Dallas -7 @ Arizona: Arizona is bad and Dallas needs to finish strong so that both coaches and players will have jobs next year.

Baltimore -3.5 @ Cleveland: Am I the only one who realized Cleveland is a sham team about 7 weeks ago? I like Baltimore big this weekend.

Detroit @ Miami -3.5: Detroit has to go back to Florida for a game in consecutive weeks, this time even deeper into America’s wang. Never mind Detroit’s win last week being their first road win in a while, Detroit even won their first division game in several years against Green Bay a few weeks ago. THE CITY’S SAVED! They’re going to go undefeated for 10 years! *Makes fart noise with armpit. This line is too low. I thought I was being overly cautious when I set my line at Miami -5.

Houston -3 @ Denver: I don’t know how much more vehement I can be. I do not like Tim Tebow as a football player. I think I may be letting it blind me. Schaub just throw it to Andre Johnson or dump it off to Arian Foster. Only use your brick-handed tight ends to look off safeties and linebackers. That is your key to success.

New York Giants +2.5 @ Green Bay: Aaron Rodgers has been cleared to play this week, but can Green Bay run the ball well enough to ensure Rodgers safety from the Giants’ pass rush? I’m betting no.

New Orleans +2.5 @ Atlanta: The game of the week as far as I’m concerned.

But hey, what do I know? I’m 31-27-3 on the year.

Sexy Disclaimer: This post is intended for entertainment purposes only. You assume all of your own risk when placing a bet either legal or illegal. Neither The Gally Blog nor the author assume any risk for any bets placed on advice or content contained in this post or on this blog.

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Rubetastic: The Gally Blog NFL Betting Guide: Week 15, At Least We Have Cheerleaders

This is your weekly NFL betting guide written by the rubiest rube of all rubes, Nonpopulist. I have been making my own NFL lines since 2005, and while I am no expert I would rate myself as an above average prognosticator/ handicapper. The Rubetastic post will be a mixture of picking against Vegas lines, insight into why I think a line was set a certain way, what my own lines are and how I came to those lines, overall NFL betting trends I notice, apologies about being completely wrong the prior week, and a disclaimer that the post is all for fun and you assume all risk when betting on the advice of some jackhole on the internet.

Last week I decided to pick a bigger selection of games against the spread. Let’s see how that worked out. I’ll give you a hint, about zero sum. Let’s look back on the week of picks that has brought me to 26-25-3. A season that began with so much promise has been dashed without remorse. At least we have cheerleaders to look at it.

Cleveland @ Buffalo -1: RIGHT. Buffalo at home, playing teams tough all season, and showing they can put up some offense and Cleveland being exposed recently and starting Delhomme again- easy bet.

Cincinatti -8.5 @ Pittsburgh: WRONG. I thought with Big Ben struggling through some serious injuries the Bengals might have enough of a bump to keep it close. Apparently not.

Tampa Bay -2 @ Washington: WRONG. I’m not saying this game was fixed, but the Redskins bobbled an extra point at the end of the game that would have sent the game into overtime. HMMMMMMMMMM>>>>>………….>>>…..

St. Louis +9 @ New Orleans: WRONG. I think people, including me, have been sleeping on the Saints this season because they lost some games early and haven’t been winning in the spectacular fashion to which we have grown accustomed. They are a quiet 10-3. I focused on the the Rams and thinking they had a scrapper’s chance in this matchup.

Seattle +5.5 @ San Fransisco: WRONG. Neither of these teams is for real, but Seattle has been doing okay against mediocre teams this year. I did not think San Fransisco had the ability to put up 40 points, but I guess Alex Smith is trying not to suck. That’s probably good for his career.

Denver @ Arizona +5.5: RIGHT. I had a very good feeling this would be the exception to the rule of interim head coaches winning their first games this season because there’s a bit more of a mess than Jason Garrett inherited in Dallas and Leslie Frazier inherited in Minnesota. I think Josh McDaniels ripped the crown molding off the walls and the electrical outlets out of the walls on the way out of Denver.

Kansas City @ San Diego -6.5: RIGHT. The only line I really saw for this game was San Diego -6.5 which was way too low. I had my line at San Diego -9. On the road and without Cassell I’m not at all surprised the Chiefs weren’t able to score.

Philadelphia -3.5 @ Dallas: WRONG. A freaking half point. Love it.
Now a cheerleader and let’s look at next week.

There are some interesting lines on games this week. I feel good about these picks for whatever that’s worth.

Chicago -3.5 @ Minnesota: This line isn’t on the board at most sportsbooks right now. I pulled this off of the ESPN Pigskin Pick ‘em contest, but this is another bet the mortgage scenario. The reason this game isn’t on the board is because the Vikings are not sure what they are going to be doing at quarterback for the game. I think there’s a chance Favre goes, but the team has placed Tavaris Jackson on IR and signed Patrick Ramsey. Joe Webb is also a possibility. Also the location of this game is in question with the Vikings stadium still not ready after the roof collapse. There is a strong possibility this game will be played outside. That favors the Bears. Take this game to the back.
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What Inspired the Internet’s Unfunny Jokes Today: The Collapse of the Mall of America Roof (Video)

The NFL world woke up to amazing video of the roof of the Metrodome Mall of America Field collapsing under the weight of heavy snowfall. The video really is something worth watching so you should watch it below. Thank goodness this collapse happened when no one was in the stadium.

Unfortunately the collapse led to a avalanche of jokes on twitter many of which were not that funny. Maybe I’m just in a bad mood today, but I was as unimpressed by the “God extending Favre’s consecutive games started streak by giving him another day to heal” as I am by people’s constant Cam Newton jokes. People just aren’t as funny as they think they are. Running stuff into the ground is funny. I enjoy running jokes into the ground, but people take stuff way too seriously and then mask riding their moral high horse by making a joke. I can sense people’s venom. Why so serious, people. If anything Brett Favre having an extra day to get right would be evidence of there being no god the way everyone seems to hate him nowadays. I don’t know. I’ve got sand in my vagina today. Nothing’s very funny to me right now. O wait, you’ve got one about the NFL making the roof collapse because they wanted Favre’s streak to continue? I’ve got a rubber chicken to shove up your ass. Wow, I did not realize how bad of a mood I was in until I wrote this post. I need to chill out and have a beer. Out.

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