From the Desk of the Beck U. Athletic Director

Alright gang. Perhaps you’ve heard- I’ve started a university. And I have news- we’re playing a full slate of football games this fall. I had a few simple rules for setting up the schedule.

-Don’t schedule Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard or Notre Dame. It’s unamerican.

-Don’t schedule dates or times. We’ll take them any time, any place.

-Don’t bother with rankings. We’re number one in the BCS. Beck Championship SUCKIT.

So, without further ado, the schedule for the Beck University Fightin’ Becksters. (more…)

Popularity: 1% [?]

Tags: Absurdly esoteric humor, Beck University, fun with embedded references, I loved Coney, Kangaroo raper, Ol' Becky, Parody
Category Better while Intoxicated, Satire |

BeckCenter

With the popularity of strong opinions in sports coverage, Rupert Murdoch decided to roll the dice with a new show, combining his shining star from one network with the sports resources of another. This is a rush transcript from the first show.

NOW WITH SPORTS!

Welcome- Welcome!- to the show. We’ve got a lot to cover here, a lot going on, and not a lot of balanced coverage from the so-called “leaders” of the sport news landscape. The big story on the docket today, college football. The University of Southern Californ-eye-ay got absolutely levelled in punishments doled out by the NCAA. Or did they? See, I’ve done the research and this is something, something you’re just not going to see on the other networks. Alabama was the last school to get a penalty like this, in 2002. And obviously, that devastated their prog- OH WAAAAAIT! They just won a national title! Clearly, the system works! I’m a fan of Notre Dame- maybe we should just commit a few violations, and within a few years, WHAMMO! The glory is restored! Shine up the dome, boys, we’re dancing an Irish jig under Touchdown Jesus! All it takes is some well-placed, well-compensated players and they might as well give us the crystal trophy. The person who really, I think, gets an unfair shake here is Lane Kiffin. This man has never been appreciated, no matter where he’s been, and has just shown up to work and crawled up the ladder to get his dream job. Now he finally gets there, and he has to deal with penalties that he had nothing to do with? Tell you what I do here- I tell Pete Carroll, I tell him right to his face, “Hey Pete- you lose 15 million from your salary cap this year. Suck on that big guy.” The Seahawks won’t be able to compete now, will they? I don’t have the numbers in front of me, but 15 million is a big chunk of the salary cap in any year, I know that much. I also know that Lane has done nothing wrong, and to punish him is downright unamerican. (more…)

Popularity: 1% [?]

Tags: Experimental posts, I didn't even make him cry, If anything Goodell might be bicurious, Ol' Becky
Category Satire |