Even For Olympians, Job Prospects Slim
Times are tough all over. Even in Vancouver, home of the 2010 Winter Games, athletes are finding it tough to secure employment for after their 16 days of glory are over. Sure, some people have gigs lined up. The Japanese and Dutch Women’s curling teams will be hired to play with rocks. Luge and skeleton participants will go back to their boring lives as minesweepers for the military, bomb technicians, and canaries for coal mines. And Phil Kessel will go back to counting down the days before he can go golfing again without the pressure of playoff hockey.
Perhaps the most distressed groups of Olympians are the biathletes. There may be a couple wars right now, but their skills just don’t apply. There’s no snow in Iraq, and there’s no where in Afghanistan that has snow that comes even close to being a cross-country style skiing area. So sadly, these world-class athletes are having to turn to shady private multinational organizations to find a gig. According to most biathletes, the most prominent in recruiting has been SPECTRE (SPecial Executive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge, and Extortion) who has been interviewing all medalists for a particular job. Sadly, this job is a short-term job that includes no benefits, no perks, and very little job security. In fact, according to Men’s 15k gold medalist Evgeny Ustyugov of Russia, it would be such a short-term job that it might not even cover travel expenses! ”They want me to kill Roger Moore” said Ustyugov. ”They actually think he’s still James Bond. It’s not even funny, because he’s got to be close to 80. I could knock on his door, hit him with a ski, and make it home for vodka and crumpets. I thought they were joking, but then they killed (silver medalist Christoph) Sumann for laughing at them.” Then he started to sob and stated “I might have to take it because it’s all there is for me, other than shooting protesting Redskins and Manchester United fans for ownership.”
A truly sad outlook for a proud athlete.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Those reasons range from the potential of someone falling and ruining their life long dreams to the tight fitting outifts that are worn by the (probably) 14 year old Chinese girls. RAWR! But you can find that type of appeal in downhill skiing, gymnastics, swimming, and any other number of random Olympic games. Yet for some reason, figuring skating holds my interest more than any of these, HANDS DOWN. 
