Morning After Pill

The Morning After Pill is a recap of the day before in sports. Teams and certain sports are left out at our discretion

MLB: Remember last week? When I was talking about how good the Rockies were, and how many games they had won in a row? Well they dropped their third straight, this one to the Texans by a score of 9-1. Tim Linecum pitched 7 innings and though he gave up 6 hits, he managed to leave 9 stranded on base and got 11K’s. The Rockies still lead the Wild Card race by 4.5 games. In a fine bit of reporting excellence, ESPN released a story done on the AP that makes absolutely no sense at all. This is the first season in the new Yankee Stadium, and therefore all stadium records should be starting anew. Sure the inside dimensions are that of old Yankee Stadium, but it’s a new park. Yet, ESPN and the AP have put out that the Yankee Stadium single season HR record has been broken. Thanks for the awe inspiring reporting.

NFL: The Patriots pulled every single Southie Irish cross out of their asses last night. Down 24-10, they scored two TD’s in the last 2:06 to win 25-24. On the night Tom Brady threw 53 times as the O-Line couldn’t get the run game going. The Pat’s couldn’t seem to do much right last night as Buffalo was able to put the points up, and make most of the stops they needed. But Buffalo being Buffalo, came to bite them in the ass late in the game. Still holding a 5 point lead, with under 2 minutes to go Buffalo kick returner Leodis McKelvin’s fumble on the Kickoff proved to be the deciding play of the game. The Patriots got the ball at the 31 yard line, and took it in to score with 50 seconds left. Trent Edwards who outplayed Brady for most of the game, couldn’t pull off a one minute drill though and the Pats sneak home to bed with the win. Bills LB Paul Pozluszny broke his arm in the game and I imagine is out for the season. The Chargers needed some last minute luck as well last night. They traded the lead 4 times with the Raiders in the 4th quarter. Raider field goal, Charger TD. Raider TD with 2:34 left in the game, Charger TD on a run by Sproles with :18 left on the clock. The Raiders tried a last ditch hail mary, and JaMarcus Russell threw an 900 yard bomb, but Antoine Cason picked the ball of to seal the game. The Chargers looked like they couldn’t quite handle the surprisingly good looking Oakland Defense, and Al Davis doesn’t look quite as crazy as newly acquired Richard Seymour had two sacks and kept the running game in check. In the theme of the day though, the Reffing was arguably quite horrible and Oakland had a controversial TD overturned. Still, Oakland may not be quite the laughing stock that we had all thought they would be this year.
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Tags: Bills, Chargers, del Porto, Giants, Juan Martin del Porto, Patriots, Rafael Nadal, Raiders, Rockies, Roger Federer, Tim Linecum, US Open, Yankee Stadium
Category Morning After Pill, Recap |

The Patriots Know Something That We Don't

Does this make me look fat?

The Patriots, masters of evil plans and disinformation must know something that the rest of us don’t know. Last year, wonderboy and lover of goats, Tom Brady, went down for the season with a serious knee injury. Backup Matt Cassel came in and performed well enough to earn a $63M contract from KC in the offseason. The Pats took it in stride like they seem to do with everything. That meant 3d string Kevin O’Connell was bumped to number two. They brought in Raiders reject Andrew Walter to be the new number three. I’m the anti-Patriots but if anybody could develop a Raider reject, it’s the Pats.

Then the other day, they cut O’Connell a mere 16 months after drafting him, even though they almost always develop their players from within. It was shocking, but it’s the Pats so not too shocking. Now news has broken that even the mighty evil one could not in fact turn a Raider turd into Patriot gold. The Pats have given Walter his walking papers. So who does that leave? Well it leaves an undrafted rookie from Michigan State, Brian Hoyer.

Hoyer was a career 55.8% thrower, with a 35-23 TD-Int ratio. For a comparison that I’ll get blasted for, Colt Brennan was a 70.5% passer with a 131-43 TD-Int ratio and he still can’t even lock down a #2 position. But hey, they seem to both get lucky and know what they’re doing. When they drafted Tom Brady with the 199th pick, they were debating drafting Tim Rattay instead. Look how well that turned out for them.
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Tags: Al Davis, Bill Belichick, CBA, New England Patriots, NFL, Oakland Raiders, Patriots, Robert Kraft
Category In All Seriousness, News |