Well it’s NFL Championship weekend. Tomorrows AFC matchup is between Peyton Manning of the Indianapolis Colts, 
and Rex Ryan of the New York Jets.
First Derivative and myself analyzed the two teams and put in our two cents this morning over at The Phoenix Pub. Instead of trying to analyze them twice and just repeat myself, I’m taking the lazy route and sending you over to the Pub for groundbreaking analysis.
I guess the hot topic in the last two weeks of the season is all this “who is getting rested in favor of not getting hurt” garbage. The NFL is now going to investigate this practice, probably due to all the cries from the public about the Colts and their brush with history. Me? Well, I’m a Giants fan so to divert my attention from this horrific season, I’m going to start yelling about things like this. I could honestly care less about 16-0 if you it doesn’t come with a Super Bowl win. Ultimately, if you pull a Patriots of 2007 you are basically saying that you were almost the best team in the league. You are telling me that you beat everyone that Heir Goodell told you to play, but Goodell can’t predict the playoff picture no matter how hard he will try. You are telling me that when there was one single game when everything was on the line and you made mistakes and let another team come in and kick your ass. And besides, I kind of like the luster of the ’72 Dolphins record. I was also mad at Emmitt Smith breaking all those records.
I don’t see how Goodell can physically force someone to not rest starters when starters have earned the right for rest. Going 14-0 in the regular season mathematically puts you in the playoffs in every possible scenario. Not going for this record is obviously, up to the coach and depending on how douchey he is. There are many ways around this “benching” too, say with these mandatory injury reports. “Oh no, suddenly Peyton, Reggie Wayne, Dallas fucking Clark and Dwight Freeny all got the flu last night. Mega-frownies :(“. How can you stop that?
If you have read anything I’ve ever wrote, you know I always propose a solution to the problems I rant about. My solution? 21 game season. Yes. You read that right. 21 games. Imagine, 21 weeks of professional football? In all it’s glory. Blow right by 18 games and head straight to half a year of football. Now, I know what you are saying “Why, Logic! That’s not very logical at all! LOLz”. Well, cram it dick bag. Everyone agrees with me and you stink. Take 2 bye weeks. I don’t care.
I think this 21 games would make the undefeated season next to impossible. We would never have to judge Jim Caldwell like we are Greek Gods choosing who goes to Hades or hear Mike Francesa struggle for air in between sips of Diet Coke and spitting when he talks over callers. I think resting starters would have to become strategy if their frail, girlish bodies can’t handle all 21 weeks of the gridiron. I know Brandon Jacobs will probably shatter into dust and Jeremy Shockey will probably break like a Kit Kat. The resting of starters would almost seem mandatory when your starters are big sissies.
When the NFL changes to this 21 game season, they could get rid of the preseason and then people will stop complaining about people getting injured during those 4 weeks as well! How perfect is this? If we eliminate all the “who gets injured because of what reason” talk, I think my migraine will go away because all injuries would happen during the regular season. As you see, Wes Welkah has been injured in the week 17 game v. Houston and they lost the game and now have their only WR that tries on bedrest in the playoffs after they already clinched. How come no one is torturing Hoodie like they did Caldwell? I’m playing the race card…
The Morning After Pill is where we review the previous day in the sporting world. Certain sports/teams are left out due to extreme lack of caring or hangovers
NFL: Mark Sanchise turned the ball over twice against the Saints yesterday. Well more than twice, but he turned over twice for TD’s as Gregg Williams may have in fact transformed the Saints D from a flaming pile of dog shit to a legitimate D. Peyton Manning brought his laser rocket arm out again today as he threw for 353 yards and two TD’s. He’s now tied with Fran Tarkenton for third place all time with 342 TD passes. The battle of Ohio turned out to be better than any one expected as Cincy beat the Browns 23-20 in overtime. Ochocinco had 2 TD’s and nobody but one of the retarded announcers didn’t know the OT rules. The 49ers absolutely crushed the Rams 35-0. San Fran’s D got three scores and put up an incredible 39 fantasy points, carrying fantasy teams to win worldwide.
MLB: For the second straight year the Twins are in a one game playoff to determine the winner of the AL Central. They crushed the royals 13-4 and the Tigers got 8 strong innings out of Verlander as they beat the White Sox 5-3. A-Rod proved again that he’s super clutch in the regular season as he hit 2 HR’s and 7 RBI in the sixth inning alone as the Yanks beat the Rays 10-2. Nutty, but don’t worry non-Yanks fans, he’ll likely dissapear in the post season like he always does. Maybe this year instead of hooking up with Madonna or manly women he can find himself a good old fashioned Thai lady-boy. In Ken Griffey Jr’s potential final game, King Felix dominated as the M’s beat the Rangers by a score of 4-3. Griffey started his career in Seattle, and when he left for the Reds his career was never the same as it was derailed by injuries. He is the active career leader in hits and home runs.
(more…)
The Morning After Pill is where we recap the previous days events in the sporting world. Certain teams and sports are left out due to me not caring about them.
NFL: This is going to be brief due to me doing a more comprehensive NFL recap later. Washington bails out Detroit. Again. See what I did there? I took something topical and made a lame joke out of it. Actually Sports Pickle beat me to that joke, and we have a $1 Trillion Twitter dollar bet on whether Jay Leno uses that joke in his monologue tonight. I have a feeling I may move $1 Trillion into debt tonight. Oh and the Lions beat the Redskins. Peyton Manning must have taken umbrage with being an underdog to Arizona in Sunday Night Football. He went out there and layed a whuppin on the Cardinals last night. Well him and his Defensive line. Queue up the Manning for MVP articles.
College Football: Jesus 2.0(White) is back home and recovering from the concussion that was bestowed upon him by the heathen Kentucky team. For the six of you that haven’t seen the hit that did id yet, here ya go. Baylor Quarterback, Robert Griffin, will miss the remainder of the season with a knee injury.
MLB: I think Peter Griffin said it best when he said, “Yankees Suck.” But they are sadly one of the most popular teams in the world, and masterbatory fuel for Logic, so they’ll continue to get some coverage here. The Yankees clinched their division for the first time since ’06. Oh noes, woe is me Yankee fans. Has it really been three years? Try being a Royals or some other downtrodden franchises fan. The ever dreamy amazing phenom Zach Greinke was at it again. He added to his Cy Young and MVP applications by defeating the Twins, in a game the Royals won 4-1. The White Sox beat the Tigers 8-4 to keep the Twins hopes alive, even though they also lost on the day.
NBA: The NBA be cracking (more…)
The Morning After Pill is The Gally Blog’s daily recap of the sporting world. Some sports and teams are left out due to a lack of me caring.
NFL: It was either a good game with a poor outcome, or shitty game with a great outcome depending on who you cheer for. The Dolphins ran for 241 yards and chewed up 45:07 in game time. That has all the markings of a great win. Except they didn’t. Even though Peyton Manning and the Colts only had the ball for 14:53, they managed to win 27-24. Peyton through for a ridiculous 13 yards per throw, and passed for 2 TD’s while Dallas Clark caught 7 balls for 182 yards and 1 TD. This years Colts look very similar to last year’s Colts in that they can neither run nor stop the run. It’s going to be a long season for any fellow Colts fans.
MLB: Angels pitcher Joe Saunders pitched into the ninth inning, giving up two earned runs on two home runs. Those were the only runs he gave up though, as the Angels defeated the Yankees 5-2. With a win, the Yankees would have clinched a playoff spot, but it was their second failure at this in a row. Pettite only gave up 3 runs, but his reliever and closer also gave up a run, which doesn’t bold well for the Yanks in the playoffs. The Twins whupped the White Sox 7-0 to move 2.5 games behind the Tigers for the AL Central. Whuppity do dog. It’s baseball. Minnesota fans should still slit their wrists.
NBA: Ron Artest is batshit fucking crazy. He also says that Laker fans can completely blame him if they don’t repeat as champions.
Everything else in sports sucked or wasn’t worth caring about, so no news on them today.
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