The Morning After Pill is a daily recap of the previous days events from the sporting world. Certain teams and entire sports are left out due to an extreme lack of caring or crippling hangovers. It’s probably the hangovers though, and they might not even be crippling. Today’s edition has been crafted by WSR, meaning the paper drafts reek of tears and whiskey. That’s how we roll. Send tips to tips@ thegallyblog.com
As a Minnesotan, I am not allowed to like Chicago sports. It’s the rules, not anything personal. So a begrudging congratulations to the Blackhawks on winning the Stanley Cup in a 4-3 overtime thriller. Once again last night, we saw why the NHL playoffs are the best in American sports. Skill and passion were everywhere in this one. Sadly, the only thing that was missing in the game as a whole was exceptional goaltending. As it was a game won by the Blackhawks, I am required by law to link to this: Dagger. If anyone you know watched this game and still isn’t a hockey fan, ostracize their incompetent ass. You should associate with morons like that, anyway.
And now, I leave my NHL roundups for the season with this picture and a tip of my cap to Philadelphia fans, who were boisterously booing Gary Bettman while he was awarding the Stanley Cup to Chicago.
Minnesota Twins 6 Royals 2 Carl Pornvano had a solid outing, allowing 2 runs over 8 innings. Kansas City is terrible.
Look at that thing. It's glorious.
Also around the league, it was Sodomy Night:
Cleveland 11 Boston 0
Tampa Bay 10 Toronto 1
Chicago Bitch Sox 15 Detroit 3
Texas 12 Seattle 2
Chicago Cubs 9 Milwaukee 4
And finally, 6 people attended last night’s Pirates-Nationals games. All six of these unfortunate souls had been handcuffed to their chair while passed out drunk the night before during StrausJesus’s performance, and couldn’t escape.
Brett Favre didn’t do anything. He also didn’t not do anything.
College Football
Yesterday was full of college football news.
*Nebraska may or may not have all but joined the Big Howeverthehellmany. As a member of the conference, I’m more than willing to welcome the Cornhuskers to our group. Since I was expecting your arrival, I made you guys a cake. Go ahead, try it. Good, huh? What do you mean the chocolate “tastes a little funny?” Eat up. Yeah, I did use something exotic in it: ex-lax. Fuck you, Nebraska Football. We’re not even yet.
* USC is going to be getting the fucking hammer. Quite honestly, this pleases me greatly. 2 year bowl ban, recruiting sanctions, and scholarship reductions are about right for one of the dirtiest programs of the last decade since the NCAA refuses to give out the death penalty anymore.
The Morning After Pill is a daily recap of the previous days events from the sporting world. Certain teams and entire sports are left out due to an extreme lack of caring or crippling hangovers. It’s probably the hangovers though, and they might not even be crippling. Today’s edition has been crafted by WSR, meaning the paper drafts reek of tears and whiskey. That’s how we roll. Send tips to tips@ thegallyblog.com
Holy shit, I’M LATE! I’ve been screaming that all morning. Fortunately for me, the fiancée has not been screaming that. Anyway, this is an abridged version because I’m not supposed to show up to work an hour late any more, and I obliged today: I showed up an hour and five minutes late.
NHL
Hell of a game between Danny Carcillo, errrr the Blackhawks and the Flyers. Chicago ends up winning 2-1, taking a 2-0 lead in the series, and they’ve never really looked like they’ve not been in control. To say that Philadelphia’s on the ropes in this one is probably an understatement. They should be able to steal a game in Philly, but the engraver’s probably already started his work.
Official Gally Blog NHL Story Picture
MLB
The MLB Network aired live the afternoon game between the Rockies and Giants featuring impending NL Cy Young winner Ubaldo Jimenez (he of the high stirrups. YEAH!) and reigning NL Cy Young winner Tim Lincecum. One of them looked the part, and it wasn’t Lincecum. Jimenez pitched a 4-hit 9-strikeout 0-run masterpiece to extend his scoreless inning streak to 26 while lowering his ERA to 0.78.
Other notes: The Indians intentionally walked Mark Teixeira to fill first base to face known blatant cheater Alex Rodriguez. The dirty whore responded properly by hitting the 20th Grand Slam of his career.
There you go. No real NFL news, I don’t give a shit about the NBA, and you’ll want to check out Unprofessional Foul and Avoiding the Drop for news on Crystal Palace’s impending demise. Ugly stuff, folks. No cheesecake because I didn’t plan ahead. I apologize, and I’ll make up for it.
The Morning After Pill is a daily recap of the previous days events from the sporting world. Certain teams and entire sports are left out due to an extreme lack of caring or crippling hangovers. It’s probably the hangovers though, and they might not even be crippling. That’s how we roll. Send tips to tips@ thegallyblog.com
NHL: This a much better start then yesterday’s auspicious one, as we’re starting with a real sport. Yeah, hockey is a real sport even if it’s run by an incompetent weasel.
Or you know, get a huge raise
Anyways, last night both of the conference championship games were played. You’d think they’d spread them out so there was a game every night, but that just makes sense. The Chicago Blackhawks came into San Jose and won their 7th straight road game by a score of 4-2. The key to the game was San Jose’s inability to stay out of the penalty box. They had 22 minutes compared to Chicago’s 6. The Philadelphia Flyers on the other hand were arguably outplayed by the Montreal Canadians and still came out on top 3-0. The Flyers young goalie, Michael Leighton, has now become the third goalie to garner 2 straight shutouts to start the NHL conference finals.
NFL: In fantastically amazing news, a shitty QB leaving the NFL for the UFL and another is leaving the UFL for the NFL. Such drama and intrigue right? Well, Daunte Culpepper is set to join the Sacramento Mountain Lions while J.P. Losman is joining the Seattle Seahawks. (more…)
