Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Saturday May 21st 2011

Posts Tagged ‘predictions’

Wildcard Weekend Preview: Bengals vs. Jets

Leon Hall vs. Laveranues Coles

This afternoon the Bengals of Cincinnati meet up with the Jets of New York in a Wild Card weekend rematch of their epically one-sided week 17 matchup. This is also a rematch of the 1983 first round of the AFC playoffs where the Jets destroyed the Bengals 44-17. Those were different times though, as that was the strike shortened season where Ken Anderson set the previous season completion percentage record throwing to Chris Collinsworth.

In recent years, the Bengals were better known for

Umm, yeah.
Umm, yeah.
and copious arrests but this year they’ve turned the corner. (more…)

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Previews and Predictions: UFC 105

Logic: Hello and welcome to our UFC 105 preview. I’m not going to lie, I think Gimp and I metaphorically blew our loads with the UFC 104 post because of our special guest and hopefully future bromance partner Vince from FilmDrunk killed it. I think he might have picked more winners than me (on top of being funnier). Thank God I still have the good looks. Well, I think UFC 105 is also a step down from the last MMA fight I saw, the Strikeforce event. Well, that event had Fedor and I’m pretty sure I’d huff Fedor’s farts given the opportunity. This card isn’t too bad because it does feature one man: Randy effing Couture. And if you don’t like Randy, you and I might not work out.

gimp: Hey look UFC is putting on another PPV…And would you look at that, it’s free. Then again, looking at the card thank god it’s free because I wouldn’t pay to watch it either. The quality of fights, outside of the Swick-Hardy, Couture-Vera (only because Couture is fighting) fights is not commonly on par for a PPV. Ultimate Fight Night definitely. PPV, eh not so much. The silver lining of course is 1) it’s free, and 2) it gives the UFC a chance to showcase some of the younger talent that you might not be familiar with. With that said, let’s get this show on the road.

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The Gally Blog's 2009 NFL Predictions

Logic: Alright as everyone knows, I’m Logic. I’ve been given much more authority to make predictions than I should.. A retarded monkey that screams on top of a paint can while handing out flowers would have sufficed perfectly. Gally and Gimp are going to get down here eventually. Even though Gimp still hasn’t done our Fantasy analysis. Tsk tsk. What we are going to do here is break down the divisions and make some predictions. And since I’m in a deep focus I’ll let you have it:
Gally: We may not be experts, but it doesn’t mean that we can’t pretend to be.
gimp: Alcoholics, yes. Experts, not quite.

AFC NORTH: Logic’s Pick: Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5). I still see them dominating their division with virtually the same team they had last year. In a shitty division too.
Gally:Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5). Last years Super Bowl Champions come into this season thinking that it’s theirs to lose. They return much of a Stellar Defense, and the Offense could see some improvement with a whole season of Rashard Mendenhall.
gimp: Steelers (11-5). If Big Ben can keep his rape stick in his pants I’m sure the Steelers will be fine. I’d like to note, that while the Steelers will win their division, it will be one of the most painful things to witness. To me they’re boring as all hell to watch. Like watching paint dry, or a WNBA game.

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On the chopping block…

Last season saw over 5 NFL coaches getting fired. Personally I thought the number should have been much higher. The start of the regular season is right around the corner and for some coaches they’re already on the chopping block. So it’s either time to man up or get in line down at one of the network studios to get an NFL analyst job. Look at Matt Millen, it’s doing wonders for him after losing his GM gig.

I still can’t believe the Lions would ever let that guy go Sarcasm.

So here are my picks for coaches who are close to on their way out from their respected (or in Marvin Lewis’ case disrespected) organizations.

1. Brad Childress (Minnesota Vikings)

Looks almost like...
Looks almost like...

Hey, has anyone told you that you look like Professor Plum from the board game Clue?

Professor Plum from Clue.
Professor Plum from Clue.

You’re fired after this season. Adrian Peterson can only do so much and bringing in Brett Favre is to your team, what that iceberg was to the Titanic. The damage isn’t apparent at first, but slowly it will suck you and your team all the way down into the abyss below. The only one who will come out on top here is Peterson, who will either cling to a floating piece of wood as Childress’ ship sinks or magically walk on water, as some fans believe.

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