Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Wednesday February 8th 2012

Posts Tagged ‘Purple Jesus’

NFC Championship Preview

NFC Championship

First of all, I’d like to thank First Derivative of the Phoenix Pub for the idea and for including me in his AFC Preview yesterday. Secondly I’d like to say thanks to PJD and Cajunboy for their participation. I had a few more writers lined up but because it was last minute they pulled out.

I had asked our guests the following questions:
A)Key to the game
B)What could be the other teams key to success
C)Your secret weapon/x-factor
D)Something you’d like to see happen
E)What do you think will happen/final score

PJD:

kim-kardashian-vikings
Before I jump into a preview from, unfortunately, a Vikings fan perspective on the NFC Championship game, I would like to first clear up some common misconceptions about the fans of our team. First, while the majority of our fans are overweight, so is the rest of America. The fans I know are mostly skinny nerds, which isnn’t any better, but does bring the fat average down. Second, we don’t all like having Favre on our team. Sure, we’re to blame for not shaking more fists at management for bringing him in this season, but it was hard to continue to shake vigorously when the Vikings jumped out to a 10-1 record. Still don’t like him though. Finally, being considered a fly over state by dickheads on either coast has given ever resident here an obnoxious inferiority complex that has thus stretched to our sports teams. There is zero confidence in any big game opportunities, but you know what? Surprisingly most fans have gone all in this year. We’re ready to beat the Saints, and here’s how.

A) The key to a Vikings win is going to be found in the front four and the ability for the Three Men and a Mullet to at least pressure, if not sack and maim, Drew Brees. This will be no easy task, as Breesus was only sacked 20 times this season and six times in the last six games. For reference, he’s gone down less frequently than your wife in the past six years. Brees isn’t terribly mobile though, and if the Vikings front four can press a surprisingly stout Saints offensive line they’ll have a chance to stop Brees and the Saints offense. Really, you ask? Well sure. Last week the Cowboys, alleged hottest team in the NFL, went to Minnesota and found their rascally rabbit of a quarterback, Tony Romo, running from a certain death due to the Vikings front four pressure. With the Vikings playing on the same type of speed assisting turf in the Superdome and crowd noise not being a factor for the defense, the pressure should still be there. The only concern should be for those who popped up on the injury report this week for the Vikings, both Ray Edwards and Kevin Williams. Both will play, but will be at less than 100%. So will I though, because I’ll be schmasted.

B) With that being said, if Brees starts getting on a roll the Vikings will get horned in the ass. As obvious as it seems to say, the Saints still live and die with Mr. Mole Face. When Drew strikes early to his myriad of weapons, teams are forced to play catch up, which allows for NFC North retread Darren Sharper to play opportunistic defense. Facing a deficit of 14 or more points for the Vikings will be devastating, and for the Saints, only Drew Brees can get them to that point. Why not play even Stevens and have the Saints run the ball? Because the Vikings are still stout up front, despite a seasonal dip in comparison to years prior, and why would you take the ball out of Brees’ hands? Only Vikings’ coach Brad Childress would be that stupid. /sigh.

C) Viking fans’ kilts (they wear kilts, right? I don’t know) were all in a bunch this week when the injury report indicated that stand out rookie Percy Harvin was suffering from his reoccurring migraines again and his status for Sunday was in question. That momentary wedgie loosened Saturday when left tackle Bryant McKinnie shared a video on Twitter of Harvin getting ready to take the team plane down to New Orleans. With Harvin apparently good to go, he provides the major X-Factor (not comic book related) in this game. While people have been talking about Reggie Bush’s game last week as well as his stellar outing against the Vikings in 2008, Harvin is being overlooked. Why? Couldn’t tell you. While Bush has made an effort to be unimpressive throughout his NFL career, Harvin has gone the opposite route and has pimp slapped the league in his rookie year. All season he has been critical in providing the Vikings with great field position and has served as a third down outlet for the Land Baron to look at. Also, the potential for match up headaches (migraines?) is fantastic when Harvin is in the game, and the Saints don’t have a defender that can stop him. If Percy plays to his ability, he drastically changes the dynamics of the game.

D) All the attention for this game has been placed on the quarterbacks and offenses, and for good reason. Favre and Brees are two of the best this year as they lead offensives ranked second and first in point totals, respectively. But most of this has been through the air. What I would love to see though, just once more even if it’s only for old time’s sake, would be for Adrian “Purple Jesus” Peterson to take over a football game again and grind it out on the ground. People seem to think he’s had a bad year since he hasn’t topped 100 yards in a game since week 10 against Detroit, but Peterson hasn’t really had to do much this year with Favre around. He’s still topped 1,300 yards and pulled in 18 touchdowns. Uh, I’ll take that any year from a running back. Regardless, fans and media people alike are still clamoring for a vintage Purple Jesus type of game. If the Vikings offensive line decides to let their testicles drop and open up some holes for Peterson, and Peterson decides to not fumble the ball and keep the offense on the field, the Saints will be hard pressed to score points in their limited possessions and beat the Vikings. Wait, is that a Maddenism?

E) I hate trying to pick this game because I know it’s going to be a classic. These two teams are evenly matched almost across the board, so trying to determine winners based off match ups seems stupid and pompous. Luckily, I’m just stupid, so let’s look at some stupid facts. No team that has lost their last three games of the regular season (Saints) has won a Super Bowl. Not since 1993 have two number one seeded playoff teams faced each other in the Super Bowl either. The Colts are going to castrate the Jets, so history favors the Vikings. Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if the NFL rigs a Favre-Manning Super Bowl. Shit would be epic, and everyone would be cheering for the Colts. Except for me. There’s a feeling around my part of the country that the sins from the Vikings 1998 season (NFC Championship game against the Falcons, anyone?) are going to be exercised this weekend and that if the Vikings can keep things close going into the fourth quarter, that attention whore Favre will work some magic to pull out a win that sends the Vikings to the Super Bowl. It’ll be an entertaining game for sure, and since I was asked to actually make a pick, I will throw out a 27-23 Vikings win. Let the booing commence.BooThisMan

Cajunboy:

A)Key to the game for the Saints…The key to the game for the Saints is containing Adrian Peterson. Our run defense has been our greatest defensive weakness down the stretch and if they’re able to run the ball effectively, it eats the clock and keeps our offense off the field, and frankly that’s the best defense against the Saints offensive attack.

B)What could be the other teams key to success if they’re able to pull it off…Besides running the ball effectively, pressuring the hell out of Drew Brees. If they can fluster Drew a bit and force him into making some mistakes, which he doesn’t often do, we may be toast.

C)Your secret weapon/x-factor…I think the fact that one of our safeties, Darren Sharper, played for Minnesota for the past few seasons before coming to us, in addition to playing with Favre for 8 seasons in Green Bay prior to that, could play a big factor in slowing them down when they throw the ball. You be hard-pressed to find a defensive player in the NFL with more insight into how to defend Brett Favre.

D)Something you’d like to see happen…I’d like to see Darren Sharper return an interception for a touchdown, or I’d love to see Reggie Bush return a punt for a touchdown. But ultimately, I just want to see us win.

E)What do you think will happen/final score…Saints 34, Vikings 27. A nailbiter.
(more…)

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Brett Favre's Return and The Gunslinger Goes Dirty

I hope nobody hits me, I'll crap myself
I hope nobody hits me, I'll crap myself

Well crikey, Brett Favre, the annointed one, made his triumphant return to football last night. What’s that you say, he’s played in the othr preseason games, well it doesn’t matter. He played the whole first half last night. I’m not really on the whole hating Favre bandwagon, but that’s not to say that if the Vikings plane crashed and everybody survived but him, that it would have any negative emotional impact on me. I just wish he would stay retired for once. With a little luck Peyton is going to break all his records, but Interceptions anyways so why keep padding your stats.

Favre finished 13-18 for 142 yards with one TD. Nothing spectacular, but pretty solid for a guy about to turn 40 and in only one half. But I don’t see how a QB can’t have good game when you hand off to Adrian “Purple Jesus” Peterson. The guy had 11 carries for 117yds and 1TD, including a 75yd rumble down the field for TD on the first play of the game.

But the game was not without controversy though. continue

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Morning After Pill

Again the world of sports sometimes blows my mind.

MLB: The Toronto Blue Jays beat the Texas Rangers 18-12 on a 7 run 9th inning. The hero of the night was Jays DH Adam Lind. He went 3-5 with 8 RBI and one Grand Slam.
As everybody knows, the Dodgers continued the bizaare hey let’s make a trade after the trade deadline that only happens in MLB. Sure they picked up Jim Thome, but in a odd circumstance they picked up pitcher Jon Garland. Garland plays for the Arizona Diamondbacks, who were playing the Dodgers. They announced the trade during the game, so he literally had to leave the one dugout and go to the other. What the hell.

NHL: The NHLPA fired their Director Paul Kelly. He was essentially fired for being too open with the media. The last guy was pushed out essentially because he didn’t give enough to the media.

NFL: BRETT FAVRE! BREEETT FARVE! BRIT FARR! He’s back. He played the whole first half and played pretty well. I could play well handing off to Purple Jesus. You can’t stop Purple Jesus, No One Denies This! Well at least the Texans couldn’t, he busted off a 75 yard run for TD on the first play of the day.

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