Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Tuesday August 2nd 2011

Posts Tagged ‘Reality Fucking TV’

What’s On Deck?

An incomplete, inadequate and inappropriate preview of what’s going on tonight in the world of sports and entertainment. All times listed are EST

People like to complain that summer is the dregs of the TV season. They are wrong. Dead wrong. The weeks leading up to Christmas, and right after Christmas is the blackened, festering mire or the TV season. It’s all crappy Christmas specials, and reruns. Entertain me TV, entertain me.

Million Dollar Money Drop: (Fox-8PM) If you watch this, you’re what’s wrong with the world. This is the two hour series premiere and hopefully finale.

The Sing Off: (NBC-8PM) Yeah! Fuck YEAH! This is apparently the season two finale. Apparently. Knowing NBC though, season three probably starts Thursday. Cocks.

South Park: (Comedy Central-8PM) Yeah, I railed on Christmas specials up above, but this is a 6 episode “marathon” of South Park Christmas episodes. Two thumbs up.

Monday Night Football: (ESPN/TSN-8:30PM) There’s been some pretty big suckfests for MNF this year, but this one is gonna be bad. Real bad. Joe Webb or some such random guy off the street is piloting the Vikings against the Bears. It might be in a blizzard though, so there’s that.

Castle: (ABC-9PM) It’s a repeat of the two hour season premiere, but I highly enjoyed that episode, so check it out wont you? Castle is actually one of the most underrated shows on TV and is actually put together quite well. Nathan Fillion, as always, is stellar.

Black Ops Brothers: Howe and Howe Tech: (Discovery-10PM) I’ve never seen this show before but the premise is interesting. Two brothers investigate new and cutting edge military technology. Tonight, they attend a ripsaw weapon demo. I don’t know what that is, but it sounds awesome.

Perfect Couples: (NBC-10PM) This is a sneak peak at the series premiere, which I assume NBC will re-air at a later date? This show seems forced and lazy and might be trying to hard to be a show that already existed under the name of Friends. I’m not one of those fancy guys that gets advanced screeners, so I’m going on word of mouth and trailers on this one. Maybe this show works, but it’s NBC so I kind of doubt it. It does have decent eye candy in Olivia Munn though, and I do like two of the lead actors, Kyle Howard and David Walton. I’ll give it a shot, but I’ll not hold my breath that it’ll be good.

Popularity: 1% [?]

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What’s On Deck

An incomplete and inadequate preview of what’s going on tonight in the world of sports and entertainment. All times listed are EST.

Burn Notice: (USA-9PM) You know what Burn Notice, fuck you. You left me alone last Thursday and while you were taking the day off, I had to entertain myself. I failed at that Burn Notice, I failed. For this I can never forgive you. We’re through, it’s over baby. *chugs from bottle of scotch while crying* I love you Burn Notice. I wan’t you back. Say that you’ll never leave me. Anyways, tonights episode brings back the interrogation version of Sam as him and Jesse interrogate a contract killer.

Smoking Gun Presents: (TruTV-9PM) This is another channel that I’ve never heard of and will likely never own. Tonight’s special episode is The Worlds Dumbest Lovers 2. I don’t even know where to start with that, but admit it, you’re intrigued. Is it something like a couple that breaks into a bank in order to have sex? Is it people having sex in a moving car, causing an accident and dying? Is it couples not knowing that vaginal sex leads to pregnancy? Or is it even dumber, like people who think that you’re supposed to put the penis in the vagina? It goes in the belly button right?

Mary Knows Best (SyFy-9PM) Umm, well tonight is the series premiere. According to the synopsis, “Mary Occhino, the matriarch of a proud Long Island Italian-American family, always takes her work home with her because communicating with the spirit world is a 24-hour job. The reality series Mary Knows Best will chronicle the poignant and often funny situations that Occhino and her family get themselves into on a daily basis. A successful author, radio host, psychic intuitive and mother of three, Occhino touches the lives of nearly everyone she meets.” Woof. If you watch this other than for the irony and unintentional comedy, you can feel free to never come back to this site again. Friends off.

Royal Pains: (USA-10PM) Come on folks, give this show a chance. It’s not half bad and there’s far worse things you could be watching, like 90% of the crap that runs on NBC. Oh, NBC owns USA Network? Well never mind then. Tonights episode features rich people. Oh, you mean it always does? Well fuck. Just shut up and watch it.

Ace of Cakes: (Food-10PM) Oh, you don’t say. A cake show on TV. Well your chances were pretty good as there’s 62 cake shows and 14 cupcake shows now on TV. Whatever.

Futurama: (Comedy-10PM) Like I had to tell you this was on tonight, or to watch it. You know you were going to. If you’re reading this site, Futurama is 100% in your wheelhouse. Tonight’s synopsis is, “On Thursday’s all-new episode of “Futurama,” the crew races to future Rome to unearth the shocking secret of Leonardo da Vinci after Fry and Professor Farnsworth discover something new in his collection of relics.”

Penn & Teller’s Bullshit: (Showtime-10PM) Another excellent show that I highly recommend. Penn and Teller take a concept that usually causes some controversy and explain why that controversy or sometimes the concept is Bullshit. Tonight’s episode is about Area 51… conspiracy alert. Plus every episode has full frontal nudity so it has that going for it.

Top 20 Most Shocking: (TruTV-10PM) Sigh. This episode of what appears to be a series is the Top 20 Most Shocking Losers in Love. I have no idea how that concept works or what it’s about. I just know that a) it can’t be good b) it’ll be depressing and c) why the fuck oh why? I also know that it’ll be highly inaccurate as it, as far as I know, doesn’t involve me.

Popularity: 3% [?]

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What’s On Deck

An incomplete and inadequate preview of what’s going on tonight in the world of sports and entertainment. All times listed are EST.

Top Chef: (Bravo-9PM) Tonight is the premiere of Season 7 of the best cooking show on Television. This season takes place in DC and as always features the lovely Padma Lakshmi. It’s not the most attractive group of chefs, but that’s hardly a reason to stop watching.

Mythbusters: (Discovery-9PM) Oh awesome. Tonight is a 2 hour special of Mythbusters top 25 moments. I’m predicting there will be lots of explosions.

Man Vs. Food: (Travel-9PM) Tonight’s episode takes place in San Diego. This show really confuses me. It’s interesting, but it shouldn’t be. It’s all about a not quite fat guy eating ridiculously large meals. I don’t watch often, but from what I’ve seen, he always finishes. He also sets a new record about 25% of the time.

In Plain Sight: (USA-10PM) On first appearance tonights episode sounds like a mouthfart. Here’s the synopsis, Mary’s newest witness is a homeless man who exposed a pipe bomb plot. As he struggles to conform to the rules of WitSec, Mary agrees to help him search for his birth parents – which presents unexpected problems when they are found. Well, as I said last week, the show is surprisingly watchable.

Tosh.0: (Comedy-10PM) Apparently tonight’s episode features Tommy Lee playing “Human Drums?” I’d have more for you, but I cant see the Comedy Central page due to being in Canada, and the Canadian Comedy channel is a few episodes behind.

Popularity: 1% [?]

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