Venus Williams Is…Uhh…

I'm Not Saying I Wouldn't...

Yeah. This is old already. It’s been up at Deadspin who cracked the story this morning. I heard it on my way to work from WFAN’s Boomer and Craig Carton show. This is me not caring. I really have one thing I enjoy in life. It’s looking at famous ass. I don’t care if it’s old, new, fat, sexy, big or small. I’ll look at that ass and I’ll judge it. I’ll judge it like Tupac says I shouldn’t.

To be fair, I was present for her sister to curse out Ms. Swan from MadTV, so I have a connection with this family. Also, sports are really boring when it’s just basketball and hockey (pardon me, Canadian and Black readers). Football is like my one and only. After the Super Bowl, I feel like my wife just died of cancer. So don’t get all high and mighty on me in your ivory tower because I showed some athletic ass on a sports blog. You can’t even see her c-ck! And, tranny porn is awesome anyway. You get 4 boobs and only have to stare at 1 dong. The only thing that is sad, when you see that hers is bigger than yours…What? Why are you looking at me like that?

Well, as a pervert sports analyst, I have to say this: Her sister just did “The Body Mag” for ESPN and had that sexy picture I posted earlier in the year so maybe she was just cuttin’ to the chase? “I’m juss sayin”. Is that how the cool kids say it?

Um, Whitlock...Why are the pages stuck together?

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Tags: Logic loves celebrity butt, Serena Williams, Venus Williams
Category Bile |

The Morning After Pill

The Morning After Pill is a recap of the previous days sporting events. Certain teams and events are left out due to an extreme lack of caring and hangovers. Mostly the hangovers.

NFL: So Josh McDaniels is a super duper genius. He’s so good that he’s amicably splitting up with DC Mike Nolan, and leaving the team with it’s soon to be 5th defensive coordinator in 6 years. Nolan, in saying fuck you buddy, is coming to terms with the Miami Dolphins as their DC. San Diego fans get to look forward to three more years of this.

What? I'm beautiful, I can make fun of him.

NBA: Oh hay, its getting to be that point of the year where strippers be running for their lives. It’s almost time for the NBA All-Star Game. The big news is that LeBron James is bailing on the event even though he stated last year that he’d do it this year. In much smaller news, wait for it… Nate Robinson is back to try and repeat as champ.
I call it a small deal, because Nate is only 5’9″. You get it? He’s small. I’m so clever. In a game that sounds like it may have been interesting, Chicago got walloped by the Golden State Warriors 114-97. It was quite the team effort as the team was lead by everyone apparently. Monta Ellis had 36 points, Corey Maggette had 32 points and Andris Biedrins had an impressive 19 points. Chicago, meanwhile, just laid down and took it like Bree Olson. The Memphis Grizzlies beat the Phoenix Suns 125-188 at home last night. Rudy Gay [edit tee hee (more…)

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Tags: Blake Lively, david beckham, LeBron James, Nate Robinson, Rapage, Roger Federer, Serena Williams, West Ham
Category Morning After Pill |

Serena Williams is a Cranky Pants

HAHA! Gross.

Alright so this is definitely going to be all over the world in tomorrow’s newspapers and probably hit all the blogs about 2 hours ago. I need to speak to it considering my employment with the USTA. I was on the roof taking care of business when (Read as: “trying to understand tennis”) Serena was called for a Double Fault. Then I guess she was penalized by letting the other person get 2 points. Which put Clijtsters up 45-15. Tell me that isn’t weird with a straight face.

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Tags: Kim Clijtsters, Maria Sharapova, Serena Williams
Category News |

Night Cap with Logic

Alright so I’ll definitely get a solid post but let me shoot a Night Cap your way to get you drunk and lubed up. Is that the story of my life, or what? While I spend my day’s trying to get Melanie Oudin to notice me, I spend my day finding links.

Like this one article about a couple that got married at their son’s funeral. I really can’t even think of a joke for this. Sometimes stuff is so mean that I don’t even need to make it mean. Unless it was an abortion. And then there’s really no reason to marry her anymore. Am I right, fellas? /boocatholics

Speaking of the US Open, well before the abortion/dead children humor, Andy Murray (the #2 seed) has been eliminated. What this really means is that with Venus Williams, Andy Murray, Andy Roddick and Maria Sharapova out of the tournament not many people are caring about Tennis. Some will try to argue this Melanie Oudin story which is cute. Cute, but wrong. No one cares about Tennis anymore. Except if Federer plays Nadal. Or Serena plays Oudin. Then we have stories again.

Here is a mock draft (version 4.0) from the “Pros” over at ESPN. I really don’t understand why they are mock drafting for Fantasy Football. Let’s break that down. A fourth version of a fake draft about a sport that doesn’t truly exist. Now tell me that you can’t that type of advice from me, Gally and Gimp with a straight face and I’ll straight punch you in the liver. Bas Rutten style.

Alright. You all nice and lubed up now? I need to go find something amazing. If I don’t, send me something and force me to write about it. Just e-mail us and request for “The Douche Bag” as my name is going around in blogging circles.

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Tags: Andy Murray, Fantasy Footbnall, Melanie Oudin, Parents FAIL, Roger Federer, Serena Williams
Category Fantasy Football, Night Cap, Random Deviations |

US Open Q & A

Announcer: Ok, I think we are all set up and awaiting the arrival of our interviewee. We have an inside source at the Arthur Ashe Tennis Center who has been behind the scenes for the U.S. Open. We’re really excited to have him here and all the wonderful things he’s done to keep this event running
Announcer: Settle Down Everyone. Settle Down. We’re ready to begin.

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Tags: Andy Murray, Andy Roddick, Jaycee Dugard, John McEnroe, Logic, Raphel Nadal, Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Tennis, US Open, Venus Williams, Will Ferrell
Category Interviews |

Nightcap with Logic

So there has been some random news updates in sports today. I’m going to tackle a few so you can know what’s going on. Deal?

First up, Tedy Bruschi retired. That’s sad. He is a player who you can genuinely like even though people close to him call him a cockbag. He is tied for having the most Super Bowl appearances with 5. He’s a borderline Hall of Famer but with the way that the league is, he is a hero of the NFL. Especially when the heroes are Brett Favre, who is about to get lynched.

I’m trying not to cover any tennis at the US Open because I have been working my balls off there. Today, some of the stars played. Roger Federer embarrassed an 18 year old kid while Serena Williams dominated the woman she played against. This is a direct quote from a Born Again Christian at work “Anyone who watches Tennis has something wrong with them already. They are half of a fag. In the second life they will be feasted upon by vampires for an eternity”. So, I guess they got that going for them

The KC Chiefs fired their coordinator shortly after Matt Cassel went down with an MCL sprain and will miss 2-4 weeks.  It’s possible that he makes the start of the season with a miraculous effort. Or HGH. It’s his call though. Tyler Thigpen will back him up and God help the Chiefs.

Brad Penny was just picked up from the San Francisco Giants who seem to be grabbing any pitching they can right now. Even though they have 2 possible CY Young Award Winners on their team right now. That seems selfish. But it could work. I’m going to draft 15 QBs in our fantasy draft and just make trades. You think it’ll work?

Well I think that’s it that happened today. Andy Pettite flirted with a perfect game. The White Sox are going to shop some players around. Osi Umenyiora missed practice and Brett Favre played another preseason game. This is a boring month of sports and the beginning of the football season is highly anticipated.

Hopefully I’ll be back either later tonight with something worth reading or definitely tomorrow with a rant of some sort.

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Tags: Brad Penny, Matt Cassel, Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Tedy Bruschi, Tyler Thigpen
Category Night Cap |