We live in an era of absolute hyperbole. Nowhere is that more evident than the skipping record of articles that are written every four years about the World Cup. Either this is the year that America embraces soccer or we’ll never love a game that is so BORING and COMMUNIST. Most rational people (there’s about seven in the world, last I checked, and four of them are making Beerswear in Calcutta) know that reality is somewhere in the middle. Judging the reaction of friends/coworkers to the World Cup, it seems like more than mere jingoism. There are people that are becoming soccer fans, between these games and the Champions League final. I think that soccer can, in fact, catch on in the states. And that’s not necessarily a good thing.
Obligatory vuvuzela reference
Soccer is a tricky game to understand for most Americans. The strategies and assignments on offense and defense are reminiscent of hockey (another sport that’s not real cozy with the average American), while the theatrics are purely European (in the most negative stereotypical way possible). A 0-0 game can be a moral victory- in fact, ties are a common occurence. (more…)
WhiteSpeedReceiver Says: ”Why would anyone in England want to look at Landycakes?”
August 13th, 2008, 3:49 pm
I’m stupid, you’re smart. I was wrong, you were right. You’re the best, I’m the worst. You’re very good-looking, I’m not attractive.
That was just one of many times over the past few years I’ve shared my opinion of Landycakes. Hell, I own this shirt. It really took a turn after his, ahem, “performance” in Germany in 2006. It took me a little while to come around, but he’s been simply astounding for the past year or two. Once again, sorry Landycakes.
In a further examination of the male psyche, non North Americans are proving how foreign their thought processes are to me. I must be doing it wrong because according to a new global survey, men think about sports ahead of women. Specifically soccer.
“It might not be the news women wanted to hear but it appears men really do only think about one thing when they get together with their mates — and that’s football,” said Tim Ellerton, of Heineken International which sponsored the poll.
The thing about this is that it wasn’t even remotely close. In this global, international study, 90% of men said that when they got together with friends they talked about soccer. Coming in third place was work with 34% and finishing in the runner up position, with 45%, was significant others. This poll covered 5,300 men in 15 countries. The crazy English men watched soccer for an average of 2 hours and 22 minutes a week and reported that they talked about it much more. Crazy right?
On one hand it kind of makes sense, but on the other it’s bewildering. Sure, during NCAA football and the NFL season overlap I watched around 20 hours of football a week and wrote about a lot of that football right here. This was long before the girlfriend came into my life though, so the numbers are skewed on my end. Hell, after the girlfriend came into my life I watched the Super Bowl with a good friend, my girlfriend and one of her friends. It was one of the best Super Bowls I watched, even though my team lost. We didn’t spend the whole time talking about football, which is our soccer, either. That may be a poor example though.
The point in all of this is that, how does soccer dominate these group conversations? For example, half of my friends aren’t even really interested in sports, or are interested in completely different sports. I can’t be alone with that statement. Soccer is popular, but why would it’s popularity preclude all other conversations. There’s so many other things to talk about: work, women you’re with, sex, women you want to be with, drinking stories, tales from the drunk tank, sex, whisky, the latest Ufford cat’s dancing in clothes post, your douchebag boss, beer, sex, the newest movie, Blake Lively, Tijuana pony shows, Oliva Munn and Megan Fox lesbian three way interracial midget amputee porn and the latest celebrity death. You name it, it’s there to talk about with your friends. How can there be so many men that are so focused on soccer that it dominates everything.
Is the world so full of lonely single men that they’re drowning their sorrows in soccer. My groups conversations cover so much more than sports, let alone one singular sport. Am I the bizarre one here? Am I wrong?
Thanksgiving is a holiday about being thankful for many things in your life. For some it’s being with your family and friends, while others it’s about being with family and hoping for no domestic disturbances this holiday season. Join as we examine what different people from around the sporting world are thankful for.
The Soccer Hooligan is known to be a dangerous sort. They have the ability to drink and cause mass destruction, all while supporting their favorite footie team. Enjoy as we find out what this diehard fan is thankful for. From my best estimation it’s the ability to pelt the opposing team with beer during a corner kick…
Soccer Hooligan: Blessed Father, we are thankful for this gathering of the drunkest of magnitudes. Please bless our players and keep them safe as they take on those fucking faggots. Opens a beer bottle with his teeth, takes a shot of whiskey straight from the bottle and chases it with the beer. May our slide tackles be dirty and may our cleats be covered in our opponents’ blood. May the beer runneth over and may no one get tazed, maced, or struck with rubber bullets after we start rioting. Blessed to you, our Lord and Savior, in Jesus Christ’s name we play. Kisses cross on his necklace Amen.
Now let’s fucking throw some beer and stomp these little pussies!
The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the previous day’s sporting events. Some teams/sports are left out due to extreme lack of caring…and pure laziness. Mostly lack of caring, though. And ADD.
In keeping up with our tradition of bad writing journalistic integrity over here at The Gally Blog, today I am bringing you my very special edition of the Pill. Without further ado… Futbol
Robert Enke, Hannover & German Goalkeeper, died of apparent suicide at age 29 by throwing himself under a train. He suffered personal problems after the death of his daughter 3 years ago. I personally think it’s a conspiracy. If Boston has taught us anything, it’s that trains stop for people on train tracks. Just ask this lady…Arsenal Striker Nicklas Bendtner out for up to a month after getting groin surgery. Translation: penile implant. Ladies?!…
Oh herro, Nicklas...you love me long time??
Bill Bellamy will now be playing with the Man City Squad. See, kiddies? Dreams really do come true…Calum Davenport appears in court for beating up his sister, and getting himself stabbed in the legs. Aren’t you supposed to beat up your siblings? Whatever….Brighton & Hove Albion got a new manager (Since when did Jay-Z buy into a soccer team??): Gus Puyot – a professional poker player that they appointed to manage Brighton. I smell a Pete Rose…and finally, Separated at Birth: Peterborough Striker Aaron McLean & R. Kelly.
Separated at Birth: Aaron McLean vs. R. Kelly
Except when McLean reaches out to the youth, he probably isn’t peeing on them. I hope.
Dancing With the Stars
Michael Buble performed. This is awesome because he was in one of the greatest movies of all time, Duets. That slutty chick Karina Smirnoff, and some guy that looked like one of Stephen King’s Sleepwalkers danced to his vocal stylings. Which were clearly prerecorded. This was obvious when he held the mic 3 feet away (literally) and his volume never changed. Either that or he has some serious abs, and should probably be dragging a semi trailor or tossing tree stumps somewhere. Whoever that host is, he has abnormally short arms, no neck, and a rather large head. I wonder how that’s working out for him? Aaron Carter is looking a little worse for the wear…must be all those late nights with his girlfriend Crystal rockin’ his world (possibly what lead to him being sent home tonight??). Donny Osmond is complaining about how hard the workout is. You’d think he’d be used to it being Mormon, and all the schtupping he does to get 85 kids. Kelly Osborne is adorable. And holy christ Susan Boyle’s freaky ass is on the show tonight. I wish people would stop trying to convince me that she’s a good singer. Seriously. P.S. whoever this blonde dancer chick is, she does not have proper form. I just watched Step Up 2: The Streets and Blake Collins told me that there should be no curve from the knee to the toe. Tisk-tisk, over-processed-fake-blonde. P.P.S. What makes this legit is that they have Jerry Rice hosting a segment called DanceCenter, wearing some kind of weird wide-collared Saturday Night Fever shirt with a vest. Anyway, they pick Mya to win, which is perfect cuz she is FOINE.
Her love is like...Wo.
Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader? – Celebrity Edition!
Woohoo the resurgence of Drew Lachey!!! Remember him? 98 Degrees? He picked the black kid to help him first, because he’s trying to show how not racist he is. Keep in mind he’s from Ohio – the land of Buckeyes and Bigotry. When I lived in Columbus, I still had Minnesota plates on my car. I came out one day and someone had written “YANKI” in the frost on my windshield. Yes, “YANKI”. How ironic. Drew-boo got the question “What do the letters ‘VHF’ stand for?” Remember the movie UHF with Weird Al Yankovic? AWWEEESSSSSOOOOMMMMMMMEEEEEE! They both got the question wrong, but I bet he totally blamed the kid.
Obsession Revealed: Acorns
I ran across this gem on the OUTDOOR channel – “How to find where the acorns are dropping to increase the chances of bringing in a monster deer.” This show consists of a guy in a deer stand doing some seriously creepy stalker whispering. One time, when I was up north around Longville, Minnesota, my friend and I decided to take his Jeep Grand Cherokee off-roading. We came upon a huge mud pit and chickened out, and decided to walk around instead. I got the bright idea to climb up in a deerstand, and came down covered in ticks (Yes, “covered”. There were 7!). If anyone knows anything about me, it’s that I can’t handle bugs, let alone bugs on my person. I freaked out and jumped around and whimpered a whole bunch, and he laughed at me. Good times. Know what a much more viable option is? Big Buck Hunter at the bar.
Happy Hump Day, y’all. But remember: save the humping for when you get home. As I’ve learned, the boss doesn’t appreciate it when you mess up their desk.
Time for a football post. Well Soccer to be precise to all the non-existent North American readers. But I had you going didn’t I. Hey come back, I’ve got candy…beer maybe… Well anyways, Remi Gaillard, a noted French comedian/prankster/troublemaker, released his newest video this weekend. Normally he’s doing things like sneaking into team championship pictures/meeting the French President, or dressing up as Pac-Man and running amuck in a department store. Yeah,he’s kind of like the French version of Jackass, only without the horse semen and anal sex. That was in the last one wasn’t it?
The video is him performing various trick shots with a soccer ball throughout a city. It’s pretty impressive, even for a Frenchman.
The 2009 Champions League Final happened yesterday. Barcelona defeated Man-U 2-0 on goals by Samuel Eto’o and Lionel Messi. You might think that I’d be impartial, but you’d be completely mistaken. Man-U can lick my sweaty nutsack, and Ronaldo can get caught up in traffic. continue
