NHL Western Conference Preview, Part 2: Colorado Avalanche

It is once again time for the best playoffs AND sporting event in North American Sports. No, not the Super Bowl, you know it usually sucks, but The Stanley Cup Playoffs. 16 teams. Four rounds of best of seven. Blood, sweat, tears and missing teeth. Chris Pronger once almost died in the playoffs, shame he pulled through. Due to the immensity of the project, we simply can’t cover it all ourselves, so we brought in a series of guest bloggers to preview their team’s chances.

Helping us preview the Colorado Avalanche is David, the managing editor of the excellent Avs blog, Mile High Hockey

What do you think the Avs chances are in this year’s Western Conference Playoffs?

While there still is time for Avalanche owner Stan Kroenke to buy the NHL and immediately decree that the top 11 teams in each Conference make the playoffs, time is definitely running out. That cash from the failed bid to buy the LA Dodgers is burning a hole in his pocket though, so don’t rule this one out completely.

How disappointed do you think the NHL is that a top franchise like the Avs didn’t make the playoffs?

This is a trick question. The NHL doesn’t have any top franchises in the Western Conference.

If the Avs would have made the playoffs, would the ghost of Patrick Roy haunt them? Or would it be Jose Theodore’s?

More like the haunting moan of 3,000 empty seats.

What needs to be done to get the Avs into the playoffs next year? Do you openly endorse cheating? What about burning Vancouver to the ground?

Instead of burning Vancouver to the ground, I think it would be more fun to light a match 20 feet away from one of the Sedins and watch him drop to the ice in pain. Note: this only works if the referee can see him. Otherwise, he just sulks away quietly.

Do you remember when the Avs won the cup in their first year of existence? That was awesome wasn’t it? Do you miss the blood thirsty 90′s intensity of the Avs-Wings rivalry?

All of that on-ice nastiness took on a whole different meaning once Todd Bertuzzi failed to grasp just when to quit. Now you look back at the blood feud and you’re thankful no one suffered a career-ending injury. Oh, who am I kidding. Of course I miss the rivalry.

And finally, how do you think Joe Sacco will prepare for the playoffs: Cocktail weenies, wings, or strong beer?

Sacco is rumored to be getting a contract extension after winning two playoff games over three years in Colorado. With that in mind, he’ll probably be willing to spring for all three and maybe even through in some salted peanuts as well.

Thanks David, and better luck next year.

Tags: Blood Feud, Colorado, hockey, Joe Sacco, NHL, Sedin Twins, Stan Kroenke, Stanley Cup, Stanley Cup Finals, Todd Bertuzzi
Category Previews, Prognostication, Stanley Cup Previews |

NHL Eastern Conference Preview, Part 1: Buffalo Sabres

It is once again time for the best playoffs AND sporting event in North American Sports. No, not the Super Bowl, you know it usually sucks, but The Stanley Cup Playoffs. 16 teams. Four rounds of best of seven. Blood, sweat, tears and missing teeth. Chris Pronger once almost died in the playoffs, shame he pulled through. Due to the immensity of the project, we simply can’t cover it all ourselves, so we brought in a series of guest bloggers to preview their team’s chances.

Helping us preview the Lofty Sabres, is Andy Boron, the co-editor in chief of the excellent Sabres blog, Die By The Blade

What do you think the Sabres’ chances are in this year’s Eastern Conference Playoffs?

I’d say the Sabres have the same chance as Montreal, Columbus, or Florida. Which is to say none.

How disappointed do you think the NHL is that a top franchise like the Sabres didn’t make the playoffs?

The NHL is probably thrilled that Buffalo didn’t make it – now they can still get the Western New York’s massive Nielsen rating numbers for hockey without having to open any of their playoff games with a shot of abandoned buildings coupled with the phrase “Welcome to beautiful Buffalo, NY!”

If the Sabres would have made the playoffs, would they be the most Calgary Flames roster to make the playoffs since ’89? Or ’86?

Tough to say, considering I was in preschool during the ’89 series. I will say that the news of Jerome Iginla possibly becoming available is exciting because it will allow the Sabres to continue their quest to put together the All Ex-Flames team they’ve been dreaming about. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that the Sabres can get Feaster to throw in Tim Jackman as part of that deal too.

What needs to be done to get the Sabres into the playoffs next year? Do you openly endorse cheating? How about invading and sacking Ottawa?

Cheating, yes; sacking Ottawa, double yes. To make the playoffs next year the Sabres need a few things – they need to not set another franchise record for man-games lost to injury, but more importantly the right guys have to stay healthy – Miller, Myers, Ennis, Ehrhoff. The Sabres don’t have great depth, and those four guys proved this season that they’re the key to making this team click. Buffalo also needs more scoring, whether they bring someone else in, or rely on the fact that almost every forward had a career worst year in goals scored to turn that around. Couple that with the supposed improvement of young guys such as Ennis, Foligno, Hodgson, and Myers, and that’s a playoff team.

Remember Dominik Hasek? He was pretty awesome wasn’t he?

Yeah, that was great. Wait, did this interview just turn into an episode of the Chris Farley Show?[Wouldn't that be awesome?]

And finally, how do you think Lindy Ruff will prepare for the playoffs: The classic wings? Polishing off his resume? Or something more exotic?

Lindy will get ready for the playoffs by organizing his ties according to winning percentage. Which shouldn’t be too hard.

Thanks Andy!

Tags: Chris Farley, Eastern Conference, Lindy Ruff, NHL, Sacking Ottawa, Stanley Cup, Stanley Cup Finals
Category Previews, Prognostication, Stanley Cup Previews |

NHL Western Conference Preview, Part 1: Columbus Blue Jackets -

It is once again time for the best playoffs AND sporting event in North American Sports. No, not the Super Bowl, you know it usually sucks, but The Stanley Cup Playoffs. 16 teams. Four rounds of best of seven. Blood, sweat, tears and missing teeth. Chris Pronger once almost died in the playoffs, shame he pulled through. Due to the immensity of the project, we simply can’t cover it all ourselves, so we brought in a series of guest bloggers to preview their team’s chances.

Helping us cover the Columbus Blue Jackets, we brought blogger Brandon Moskal out of retirement to help us out. He is formerly of the KSK podcast, formerly a writer at Gunaxin, and occasional rambler at the unheralded Ramblings of The Unmotivated

What do you think the Blue Jackets chances are in this year’s Western Conference Playoffs?

Ouch. If “2 Broke Girls” can be a successful thing, anything can happen. Columbus should invest in the CBS laugh track to air during telecasts next season.

How disappointed do you think the NHL is that a top franchise like the Blue Jackets didn’t make the playoffs? Do you think Bettman crying was a possibility?

The NHL is losing out on Columbus’ powerhouse TV ratings with the Jackets on the sidelines. On the plus side, the ratings for re-runs of Everybody Loves Raymond are projected to spike. As for Bettman crying, that is always a possibility but mainly when Sarah McLaughlin cries about deformed puppies. To be fair though, who doesn’t tear up during that commercial?

If the Blue Jackets would have made the playoffs, would they have been the worst team to ever appear in the postseason?

Nope. The worst team to make a postseason was Germany making the Goodwill Games in D2: The Mighty Ducks. They were out-coached by the Ducks’ trainer and didn’t bother arguing when the Ducks’ goalie (yeah, I know, it was Russ) skated past center-ice for a knuckle-puck. Also, the play should have been blown dead when the goalie took his helmet off during play. Germany’s coach didn’t take issue with that either.

What needs to be done to get the Blue Jackets into the playoffs next year? Do you openly endorse cheating? How much cheating? Would creating Robocop and letting him loose in Detroit be an avenue you’d look at?

Real answer: To even think about playing in April, the organ-I-zation needs to fire GM Scott Howson and team president Mike Priest. Then and only then can a real rebuild begin. You cannot trust the people who got us into this mess to be the ones to get us out.

Fun answer: The Jackets will make the playoffs when Bettman forgets to send the schedule out to other teams and we finish the season 76-6 due to forfeits. We still lose six games to Detroit, even if they don’t show up.

Robocop is a fun idea and may actually be close to happening. According to Wiki, this is the first line of the plot summary: “In the near future, Detroit, Michigan is on the verge of collapse due to financial ruin and unchecked crime.” However, Robocop’s third directive is to “uphold the law”, putting squarely on the other side of the cheating issue.

Remember that one year they made the playoffs? Wasn’t that awesome?

I do remember that! It was fantastic until Game 1 started. There had not been that kind of buzz around the city since the last Buckeye football spring game.

And finally, how do you think Todd Richards will prepare for the playoffs: Cocktail weenies, wings, or meatballs? Polishing off his resume? Directing a series of Gonzo Porn??

Todd Richards will probably play golf. However, he’ll make club selections with the same fervor he selects goaltenders. He’ll keep reaching for his driver with a broken shaft, no grips, and dented club face. All of this despite that fact that he’s been crushing his 3 wood just as far off the tee. He’ll tell the other members of his foursome that’s he’s loyal to the driver because it’s been in the bag longer and is a veteran. He’ll eventually demote the 3 Wood to the AHL. Steve Mason is that driver.

Besides, who can touch his resume? 2009, HC of the Wild, 38-36-8; 2010, HC of the Wild, 39-35-8; 2011, HC of Columbus, 18-21-2. Better question: Who would touch his resume?

Tags: Columbus Blue Jackets, NHL, Playoffs, Robocop, Stanley Cup, Stanley Cup Finals, Steve Mason, Todd Richards, Western Conference
Category Previews, Prognostication, Stanley Cup Previews |

On Deck

An incomplete preview of what’s going on tonight in the world of sports and entertainment. All times listed are EST.

NHL Stanley Cup Finals: (NBC-8PM) Tonight is game six and the Chicago Blackhawks hold a 3-2 advantage in the series. A Chicago win means the Stanley Cup gets handed out and the city of Chicago gets drunk, while the city of Philadelphia finds a surge in murders.

CMT Awards: (CMT-8PM) I like country and I wouldn’t even watch this. But if you must watch Kid Rock host a country music awards show, or your need to beat it to Taylor Swift singing is unbearable, by all means watch.

I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant: (TLC-9PM) Oh yay, it’s the third season premiere. This episode is called Baby on a Boat. I’m sure it will come with the prerequisite Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and an addiction to cocaine. This show is the second sign of the apocalypse, with the Metspocalypse being the first.

Bridal Boot Camp: (VH1-10PM) Well this is the series premiere. I’d tell you more about it, but that means that I’d have to look into this turd.

In Plain Sight: (USA-10PM) A show about the life of two US Marshalls operating the Witness Protection Program, or WitSec, in Albuquerque. It’s actually a pretty strong show, especially for a procedural, and has overarching story lines that last one or more seasons. I like it, but what do I know.

Through The Wormhole: (Science-10PM) A science show hosted by Morgan Freeman. Doesn’t that sound like something you’d watch? I have no idea what that channel is though so whatever. Tonights episode, the series premiere, is titled: Is There A Creator?

Top Chef Masters: (Bravo-10PM) Tonights episode is the final, with the battle being down to Rick Moonen, Susur Lee and Marcus Samuelsson. I don’t know, I was hoping, again, for Wylie Dufrense to make the finals but alas. I guess the guy I would root for here is Susur as his food looks the most appetizing and he reminds me of how I operate in the kitchen.

Tags: Morgan Freeman: The Worlds Narrator, Mouth Fart, Reality TV, Stanley Cup Finals
Category On Deck |

The Morning After Pill

The Morning After Pill is a daily recap of the previous days events from the sporting world. Certain teams and entire sports are left out due to an extreme lack of caring or crippling hangovers. It’s probably the hangovers though, and they might not even be crippling. That’s how we roll. Send tips to tips@ thegallyblog.com

NFL: OMG! The NFL is going to have an open air, cold weather Super Bowl. The 2014 Super Bowl has been awarded to: the NY Giants/NY Jets, who with one of the newer NFL traditions, built a new $1.6 billion stadium and were rewarded with a Super Bowl. Blowing tax payer money has never been so enticing. Well, unless you’re Goldman Sachs. That’s a zing you see.

NHL: There was no hockey last night as the Stanley Cup Finals matchup between The Philadelphia Flyers and Chicago Blackhawks doesn’t start until Saturday. Yeah, 5 days between games. Nice move Bettman.

Official Gally Blog NHL Story Picture

So why then are we talking about Hockey? Well, did you think we were going to waste precious space with Basketball? Hahahahahahahahah. Oh yeah, Canadian hero and Detroit legend, Steve Yzerman, has been named the new GM of the Tampa Bay Lightning. Good luck Stevie, you’re going to need it.

MLB: Even though Steve Phillips, *cough*douche*cough* thinks that he’d trade Steven Strasburg for Roy Oswalt straight up, and Oswalt has asked for a trade, the Astros have no intention of trading him. Yet. Tough luck Dodgers fans. Carl Crawford was ejected from the game yesterday for trash talking. Seriously, here’s the words right out of his mouth, “It went back and forth. He didn’t want to back down, and I definitely wasn’t going to lose a trash-talking contest.” That guy who didn’t want to back down, the umpire. Also tossed for arguing with the ump, manager Joe Maddon. Sigh. Will athletes ever learn that arguing with the ref/ump/judge/whomever does absolutely no good? The ump is never going to back down in public like that. Never. In a clear sign that we’ve all died and are on the “Lost” style purgatory island, the Mets won last night. Over the Phillies. By a 9 runs. In a shutout. Having gave up 9 hits. I guess this is my sign to marry Blake Lively, as clearly miracles do happen.

Tangentially relevant

NBA: (more…)

Tags: Blake Lively, Kobe Bryant, Lakers, Mets, Nicole Spitzack, Stanley Cup Finals, Steve Nash, Steve Yzerman, Suns, Super Bowl 2014
Category Morning After Pill |

Domination by Helm

As you may know, the Red Wings defeated the Blackhawks last night to set up the first back-to-back Stanley Cup Finals rematch, since 1984. The Finals are supposed to commence in 8, yeah 8 days, but the league is working some stuff out with NBC, to try and change that. The finals will Match up Sidney Crosby’s Pittsburgh Penguins and ???Joseph* Johan Franzen’s Detroit Red Wings.

Well, the game was pretty good and was the third one of the series to go into overtime, which is part of the reason the Stanley Cup Playoffs are the greatest championship in all of sports. Back to the topic of Domination. During the game, the Red Wings were killing a penalty, and Darren Helm single handedly went into the Blackhawk zone, played keep away from them and got a shot off. It was so incredible that at the 23 second mark, you hear the announcer, Jim Hughson exclaim, “Bullshit, and he’s got the puck again!”

video after jump

Tags: Amazing, Blackhawks, Darren Helm, hockey, NHL, Red Wings, Stanley Cup Finals
Category Uncategorized |