Last Call is kind of like Blogkakke, only on PCP, LSD and ludes. Fucking ludes man. Instead of just being a random link dump, it’s a place to congregate with fellow like minded sports fans, alcoholics and amateur comedians. So come on in, kick your shoes off and crack a beer; then regale us with a witty joke, bitch about that local sports team or ask Chubs what food gives him his namesake. If you have something you’d like to see here, our contact info is over on the right and there’s always the tip line, tips @ thegallyblog.com
Musical Interlude:
Linkage:
Old-Wizard: Here’s an idea on how to piss a bunch of nerds off. Make a definitive list of the top 100 video games of all time. Then, don’t include any games that came out in the last 10 years and have the list be 75% NES games. Information Is Beautiful: Every country in the world is the best at something, whether it’s Serial Killers, Diamond production, happiness or the production of horse meat. Daddys Sugar Ball: Gary Busey takes over the role of Larry King and his first interview is with Satan. Mens Health: Sigh. Womens magazines do it and so do Mens magazines. They make over reaching lists about what the other sex wants/means, from the standpoint of one singular member of the other sex. This one is just, well, it’s kind of stupid really. Mashable: This is old, but it’s noteworthy. Apparently 10% of the population under the age of 25 thinks that it’s okay to send text messages during the act of coitus. Yeah, that’s right. During. If you have the time to do that during, you’re doing it wrong. Wolfram Alpha: Last week I linked to Cleverbot, but this is Cleverbot on steroids. Ask it all kinds of questions, from scientific to what is the meaning of life and you’ll get interesting answers. A collection of Wolfram Alpha Easter Eggs is here. Reuters: An Italian scientist has essentially developed a way to grow a vagina in a lab. For women with genetic defects of course, get your mind out of the gutter. Kotaku: A visual guide to the first person shooter. Guardian: So a study has pointed to the possibility that women who receive an ovary transplant could not only regain fertility, but live up to 40% longer.
It’s summertime, which can mean only one thing: everyone gets laid. Yes, even you Gally.
But occasionally something goes wrong. The condom breaks. You don’t like the feel of wearing one of those things. She’s Catholic, but still wants cock tonight. The next thing you know, you’re saddled with the worst kind of STD known to man: a kid. Or are you? Today, I’m here to help you figure out the best way to avoid wasting up to 30 years of your life not getting laid, losing sleep, and bailing the little ingrate out before they can take care of themselves. (more…)
Welcome back, sports-fans. The Using Logic Hotline is still open 24 hours a day at Logic@TheGallyBlog.com or @THElogic and this is where I can help you out with any issues in which you are stuck and don’t know what to do. Normally we like to keep it sports related but I do like to hear about enterTAINTment issues as well. Other times it can be sexy but it can never…NEVER be about suicide. You won’t like my answer. As always, I was emailed a fantastic story from a witty reader…
(e-mail in italics, Logic in bold and italics)
Dear Logic the Lonely, Lonely Idiotbrained Bigot,
Hello. I hope this finds you well. And by that, I mean I hope this finds you at the bottom of a well filled with snakes and mayonnaise. You disgust me. I heard your stand up comedy. You think that is funny? Celebrating anti-Semitic behavior? I can only pray to Moses that the next time a Muslim comes to New York City with a jihad in mind, they prepare better than a fist full of firecrackers, some fertilizer and propane tanks because I will direct that Muslim into your comedy show, sir. I promise you this.
Now, on to my email. I have a situation. I know this hateful, racist slut that pretends he is a professional blogger. He likes to make fun of sick and weak humans during the best times of their life because he is jealous that they had one happy moment in their life. One moment more than he would ever have. I was just curious as to what he would have to say about a cute kid pretending he is a super hero. Oh, and he has cancer. Maybe he will show a heart? Maybe he will transform into the jelly fish that he is every time he gets behind a mic or laptop computer?
Sincerely,
Harvey Horowitz
(Editor’s Note: Oof)
Dear Harvey,
I’m not sure if you know me. My name is Logic. You seem to have described AJ Dauelerio? Maybe you got the wrong email address? Ah. Whatever. I can help you out.
Look at me, you cross eyed little shit.
Alright look. I don’t want to be a dick as much as the next guy, but things need to get said. I don’t quite know what you’re asking me but I think I have advice for this kid. It’s time to stop being such a faggot and get out of the spandex. We get it. You have liver cancer. Whatever. That’s like the easiest cancer to get rid of. Hell, you could probably have Ernie Harwell’s liver, it’s probably still warm.
Honestly, I don’t even see what the big deal is. 13 years old? You never got to experience life yet. No one is taking anything special away from you. I mean, c’mon, you look like you would’ve wasted it throwing poke balls at your Pomeranian dog while only drinking Soy milk. Besides, nothing you can be going through can be worse than a ground and pound from a University of Virginia lacrosse player.
Lookit here, Electron Boy. That’s a goofy name. You know what electrons are? Negative. Yep. That’s straight science, homey. I’ll call you homey because you are black, see. You need to be positive. Plus, you need to be creative. That’s why you change your goofy ass name to Positron Man. See what I did there? Boys are weak. Men are strong. We have big dicks. A Big swinging dick mentality, is what you need. Plus, then you can keep all the goofy electricity stuff. Except, now you are charged positively with protons! HIV Positively Charged. Right? Wait. It was cancer. Okay, scratch that last part. No, you can keep the electric stuff. Whatever, gayboy.
As for the community who did this to the little dork, you should be ashamed of yourself. You know crushed kids get when they find out there is no Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Jesus? It’s fucking heartbreaking. How is this kid going to handle high school? He’s going to take out his little lightning rod and the starting linebacker on the football team is going to stick his nappy head in a toilet for Christ’s sake. Or he’s going to nickname his penis the lightning rod and ask girls if they want to see it and then BAM! C and D letters up the ass.
Alright. I guess that about answers your question. I’m sure I can Google Dauelerio’s email for you, it’s not hard? Anyway, I think the kid should get a new liver if the cancer hasn’t spread all over his body. Let him grow up to drink that thing to death via cirrhosis, the fun way, the Logic way!
Today it’s time to sit down with The Gally Blog’s latest interviewee, Jared Allen’s Mullet. What’s that you say? A mullet, how the hell are we supposed to interview a mullet? Have you seen that thing? It’s not nearly as hard as it sounds. That thing has a mind and life of it’s own. I caution you. The thing gets a little wierd and out of hand when Jared shows up.
Gally: Well good afternoon Jared Allen’s Mullet. It’s nice to have you here. JAM: It’s nice to be here. Wait what did you call me? Gally: Jared Allen’s Mullet. JAM: Why the hell would you call me that? Gally: Well that’s your name isn’t it. continue
In all seriousness, this video is completely amazing. It has a catchy likeable song, and it has that cutesy factor going for it. There’s also the incredible nostalgia factor going for it, and has pretty much every Sesame Street character in it, including Kermit(who appeared on the show back in the early days.
But of course this video also has a seedy dark side to it. continue
Good afternoon folks. I’m gally and today I sat down with Tiger Woods to discuss life, love and the 2009 PGA Championship.
Gally: Good afternoon Tiger. I’m glad you could be here.
Tiger: Good afternoon gally. I’m happy to be here.
Gally: How’s Elin and the kids?
Tiger: Oh they’re great. Things are great. Couldn’t be happier. In fact we’re thinking of having another child.
Gally: Really? That’s fantastic. Congratulations!
Tiger: Thank you. You know it’s a great time to be alive.
Gally: Wow, you sure seem happy.
Tiger: Of course. I’m wildly successful at wht I do, I love my job and my family. And of course I’m wealthy enough that my family never has to worry about their financial future. I have absolutely mo reason to not be happy.
