Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Saturday May 21st 2011

Posts Tagged ‘Vancouver Canucks’

Sports Fans Are Retarded, Bad At Math

The Hockey isn't the only reason they're bored

Can you feel that? It’s springtime and love is in the air man. Soon it will be summer which brings the joys of suntans, drinking on patios, skimpy clothing and making love knocking boots. Do the kids still say that? I’m so out of touch. Anyways, not that it has to be summer for sexin’ but you get my point. That is unless you’re a sports fan. Oh sure, some of you might be getting action but face it, us in the blogging demographic are often vagina kryptonite. Doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t get an A for effort though. Well yet another poll has come out with the results being that a fanbase would give up sex for a year just to win a championship.

In a poll conducted Tuesday by Team 1040 Radio, 40 per cent of Vancouver Canucks fans polled said they would give up sex for a year if the team won the Stanley Cup. The poll was a crossover from a recent English poll that suggested that 12 per cent of soccer fans would give up sex for a year if the Three Lions won the World Cup. -The Canuck Way

This all comes on the heels of 51% of British men saying they’d take a pass on nailing Cheryl Cole, if it meant that they were victorious in the World Cup. What the hell is wrong with sports fans? Sure, my teams have all won championships in my lifetime, but come on. I get the Cherly Cole thing, because that would be a one time deal. What, you think I’m going to win her over with my 30 second prowess in the sack? Having said that though, a year? Do they not know how long that is? It’s 525,600 minutes for crying out loud. Think about that the next time you’re counting down the minutes left at work.

And for your pleasure, a Cheryl Cole gallery below. (more…)

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Two Alex’s, One Puck

Alex Auld is a goaltender for the Dallas Stars of the NHL. Last night against his former team, the Vancouver Canucks, Auld tried to emulate his teammate Marty Turco’s prowess with the puck. He ended up emulating catch the greased up deaf guy from Family Guy, by slipping and giving the puck to Alex Burrows. Wait, two hockey posts in one week? Fuck and or yes kiddos. Football is winding down and where else are we going to get random acts of violence and depravity? Pitching and catching? Well maybe baseball’s pitching and catching is a little more depraved than we thought, but I doubt it.

Unfortunately, unlike the last blooper that I posted, Alex Auld has no excuse on this one. He’s not even French.

Popularity: 1% [?]

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