Fantasy Football is Life (Part 1 of 3)
- Why? Because this is my fantasy, you see.
ZOMG! Football season is almost here! Hooray!
/dismissive wank
Yeah THAT sport is great and all, but real men only care about statistics. And what I mean is…we only care about them for a week and then almost immediately forget them until it is brought up in an argument at a game or bar to piss off those faggity “purist fans” just watching because it’s “their favorite team” or “I just like to see people run into each other at high speeds”. They can all go fly a kite. Am I right?
/high fives my bro Chaz
Let me just get down to business. You may be asking why I’m qualified to give out advice on Fantasy Football when Matthew Berry, Erik Kuselias and all the other ESPN reporters are now involved in “the biz” (as I like to call it). Well, I know that I’m the guy who said Willis McGahee is better than Ray Rice last year. That was horribly untrue. (Editor’s Note: Don’t judge me. That’s God’s job. Are you trying to be God?!?) Regardless of my awful prediction of how playing time would be dealt out, Willis McGahee would have gotten you 7 touchdowns in the first 4 weeks of the season. Suck it, Bigtroph! It’s not my job to help you with the waiver wire (though I will try), you are going to have to predict that shit next time, baby. After this maybe I can show you how to dougie?
That may not make me qualified but it will show you that I’m a huge fantasy nerd for remembering my picks from last year. So maybe I’m hit and miss. Whatever. I guarantee I at least make you turn up your face and go “What the hell is this guy talking about?” if I don’t make you laugh…this year we are going to start with 10 Things that make me want to set your house on fire: Fantasy Football Edition.
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