Jared Allen And His Mullet: A Trial Separation?

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Jared and I in happier times.

Hey y’all, Mullet here. Just thought I’d check in, in light of the news. If you haven’t heard yet, Jared and I have split ways. In the name of “love”, he decided we should split. Why? Well that whore of his, has gotten in the way. They’re getting married, so as a measure of good will and I’m being told for the sake of the wedding pictures, he decided to split up with me.

In other words, my demise has been greatly exaggerated. I lived without that dick for many years, and I can do so again. I will take this time to make myself stronger and better than ever. No more side gigs as Hugh Hefner and Lindsay Lohan’s merkin. No longer will I take on the role of Phil Spector’s bizarre wannabe afro. Fuck that noise. I will survive on my own with or without the excessive use of ludes and horse tranquilizers. I would like to thank the guys at Tauntr for eulogizing me. Misguided as it was.

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Tags: Jared Allen, Mullet, NFL, Vikings
Category Random Deviations, Satire |

Better Know a White Speed Receiver

There I am. Right there. The one in the yellow shirt.

Since this spectacular little corner of the internet is turning one, we all get to re-introduce ourselves.

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Tags: Accountants are sexy, Hello, I'm just like PJD, Minnesota, Posts no one will read, Vikings
Category Introductions |

The Morning After Pill: berstreet Edition 2.0

The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the goings on in the sporting world. Certain teams and sports are left out due to either lack of caring or an extreme hangover. Maybe a weak hangover also, we’re kind of soft like that.

Lucky for you, you get my version of the MAP again!  I know you couldn’t wait.  But I’m at work, so let’s get this show on the road, shall we?

NFL: The Giants got destroyed by the Saints.  Who saw that one coming?!  I know Logic didn’t.  Neither did I, or I would’ve started Reggie Bush in my fantasy league.  The Titans…I mean, is someone going to contract them?  Can teams get contracted in the NFL like they can the MLB?  59-0 is super embarrassing.  They should probably just forfeit the season and hope for better luck/coaching/players/management/a new rabbit’s foot next year.  The Cards did a pretty good job against a skeletal Seattle team.  Big ups to my boy Fitz for getting me a good chunk of points 2 weeks in a row.  Then we have my beloved Vikings who did not win that game – The Ravens BLEW IT.  I seriously laughed out loud at an ESPN.com headline I saw yesterday that said, “Favre’s Late Heroics End Ravens Rally.” Whatever simpleton wrote that should be fired.  Or buy new eyes.  Or something.  I was at the game, and the 1st quarter was awesome; it was fun, it was electric.  Then the rest of the game happened.  My favorite parts were when B’more just kind of sauntered into the endzone for a couple easy TDs.  Our only saving grace, apparently, is how loud we were booing and screaming.  So loud, in fact, that my friend told me the announcers on TV were annoyed with us.  Whatev…the Ravens choked, and we’re 6-0.  I don’t care about the rest of the games.  Sorry.

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Tags: abortion, Angels, Baltimore Ravens, Bradford, Brett Favre, Celtics, college football, Dodgers, Florida Gators, good luck, Kevin Garnett, Lakers, New Orleans Saints, New York Giants, NFL, OSU, Phillies, plan b, Purdue, Timberwolves, Vikings, Yankees
Category Uncategorized |

Breaking Brett Favre News

I think I just pooped.

Today I bring you some sad and disturbing Brett Favre news. Favre in talks with reporters stated two things today. He stated that he’s not going to let his consecutive games streak influence him this year. You know, I applaud him for that. I really do. This means that he will not try to play through an injury that would make him completely ineffective and hurt his team. He’s going to hold the record for at least a few more years anyways, so this is him coming to terms with the fact that he’s going to be a 40 year old QB in the NFL. Injuries can and will happen, and as a 40 year old you don’t have the ability to fight it off and play at a high enough level to help the team win.

So the other thing that Favre said today, the part that’s disturbing? continue on, includes video excellence

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Tags: Brett Favre, Minnesota Vikings, NFL, Vikings
Category News |

Brett Favre's Return and The Gunslinger Goes Dirty

I hope nobody hits me, I'll crap myself

Well crikey, Brett Favre, the annointed one, made his triumphant return to football last night. What’s that you say, he’s played in the othr preseason games, well it doesn’t matter. He played the whole first half last night. I’m not really on the whole hating Favre bandwagon, but that’s not to say that if the Vikings plane crashed and everybody survived but him, that it would have any negative emotional impact on me. I just wish he would stay retired for once. With a little luck Peyton is going to break all his records, but Interceptions anyways so why keep padding your stats.

Favre finished 13-18 for 142 yards with one TD. Nothing spectacular, but pretty solid for a guy about to turn 40 and in only one half. But I don’t see how a QB can’t have good game when you hand off to Adrian “Purple Jesus” Peterson. The guy had 11 carries for 117yds and 1TD, including a 75yd rumble down the field for TD on the first play of the game.

But the game was not without controversy though. continue

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Tags: Adrian Peterson, Brett Favre, Matt Schaub, NFL, Purple Jesus, Vikings
Category Recap |

Interview: Jared Allen's Mullet

Mullet Power

Today it’s time to sit down with The Gally Blog’s latest interviewee, Jared Allen’s Mullet. What’s that you say? A mullet, how the hell are we supposed to interview a mullet? Have you seen that thing? It’s not nearly as hard as it sounds. That thing has a mind and life of it’s own. I caution you. The thing gets a little wierd and out of hand when Jared shows up.

Gally: Well good afternoon Jared Allen’s Mullet. It’s nice to have you here.
JAM: It’s nice to be here. Wait what did you call me?
Gally: Jared Allen’s Mullet.
JAM: Why the hell would you call me that?
Gally: Well that’s your name isn’t it. continue

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Tags: Blogging While Drunk, Brett Favre, Jared Allen, Mullet, NSFW, Satire, That's Just Wrong, Unneccessary Profanity, Vikings
Category Interviews, Satire |

An in-depth look at the NFC North

In Order of Projected Finish

Green Bay Packers

Wisconson Sex Symbol

Coaching
Mike McCarthy has something to prove in 2009. A year after drawing considerable “Coach of the Year” attention for his 13-3 season and a trip to the NFC Championship game, McCarthy led his team to a disappointing 6-10 finish, where they lost an astounding 7 games by 4 points or less. While one could attribute that staggering statistic to bad luck, the devil on my shoulder tends to think that it is more indicative of an inability to “nut up“ when it counts. Much of this can be put on the Coach’s shoulders, as suspect late game play-calling can certainly be pointed out. McCarthy did deal with a brutal array of injuries to his 20th ranked defense, but still decided to make wide sweeping changes, bringing in 3-4 guru Dom Capers to install the system and hopefully give the Green and Gold a nice new look on that side of the ball. Capers has had great success with his 3-4 defense, but will need to be on his game right from the get-go, as the Packers will only go as far as their defense lets them.

Offense
Statistically in 2008, Aaron Rodgers made good strides in his first attempt to make the loyal Cheeseheads move on from #4. He ranked sixth in league in QB Rating with a solid 93.8, eclipsed the 4000 yard mark and tossed 28 touchdown passes in his first year as starter. However his inability to find his inner Favre and create magic late in the fourth quarter was tough to ignore, as the Pack dropped too many close games. Greg Jennings is young and dynamic and is a touchdown machine, bringing in 21 on the outside in the past two years. Averaging 16.2 yards a catch, Jennings is a homerun threat that defenses need to apply double teams to more and more. This gives the dependable Donald Driver room to operate on the opposite side of the field, whose crisp route running and solid hands still make younger defensive backs look silly. After a superb coming out party in 2007, Ryan Grant looked too predictable last year, and struggled throughout the season. While he did deal with a hamstring injury all season long, a supposedly new and improved Grant will need to come out strong right away in 2009 for the injury excuse to validate itself. If not, he becomes one of countless other backs who had short term success before being shut down by more aware and prepared defenses.
continue

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Tags: Bears, Brad Childress, Brett Favre, Gun Slinger, Jay Cutler, Jim Schwartz, Lions, Packers, Vikings
Category Previews, This is going to take a while |