Author: Logic Published: January 26th, 2010
Punter was right. This Oden pic is pure comedy gold and there is no one who can stay away from it. And no, it’s not the banner picture. That’s just kind of goofy. It’s the type of picture that makes you look and go: “How does an ugly motherf-cker like Greg Oden, get those hot white girls?” Well besides the obvious: “He’s a millionaire athlete and a recognizable face in basketball because he is basically the black Rocky Dennis“. The new evidence (LOGICal Heads Up: NSFW pictures of mandick over there…) is clearly overwhelming in the favor of Oden to show that he is a lady killer. Literally. I bet he’s killed a woman with his penis. If you are here just for the details of this enormous flesh sword that’s probably ruined father’s lives everwhere, then just know it drapes to half of his thigh. He is 7’0 tall. Go over the proportions in your head (get brain f-cked?). I sent my sources out to the professional world, and I’ve been told that Santanio Holmes and Visanthe Shianco just feel like less of men these days… Then, Tiger Woods was reported to have said: “Wait. All black guys are supposed to be hung similar to that?!? How come, I just love watermelon and talk through movies???!? GOD!!! WHYYYYY!!????!? GOD DAMN YOU 50% RACIAL SLUR GENERATOR! DAMN YOU TO HELL!” while falling to his knees in the rain.
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Tags: Greg Oden, Logic is Irish so he works out a lot, Santanio Holmes, Tiger Woods, Visanthe Shiancoe
Category News |
Author: berstreet Published: November 23rd, 2009
The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of yesterday’s sporting events. Except lately it hasn’t been daily. It’s only happened on my days. Which means it’s been Monday/Wednesday-y. So anyway. Recaps t’is!
Good morning, kiddies! It’s that time of the week again. Except I’m a little late today, so it’s a good thing there’s a pill for that. Shall we?
Amerikanische Fußball: The Vikings destroyed Seattle. Destroyed = 35 teh’ 9. D-E-S-T-R-O-Y-E-D. So much so that they didn’t even need Favre after the 3rd quarter. Even T-Jack threw a touchdown. What do Percy Harvin, Visanthe Shiancoe, Bernard Berrian, Sidney Rice (x2) all have in common? Other than being black, or playing for the Vikings at Mall of America Field vs. the pitiful Seattle Seahawks? Give up? They all scored touchdowns yesterday. Noticeably absent from that list? Adrian Peterson. Regardless, AP still surpassed 1,000 rushing yards yesterday, going three seasons strong. And for all you Favrehards, it should be noted that he was at 88% yesterday – which I have to admit is quite stellar. Fine. I said it. Seattle should probably stick to what it does best: acoustic guitar sets and Starbucks. But the biggest news to come out of yesterday’s games, is the defeat of Pittsburgh by…wait for it…KANSAS CITY! Kansas City? Yup. I didn’t get to see any of this game, because I was busy being at an awesome one (the Vikings), but my analysis of the Box Score tells me the following: In Total Plays, Total Yards, and Possession, the Steel’ were twice as good as KC. However, they had twice as many penalties and 2 INTs to KC’s aught. It also doesn’t help that The Rapistberger got his dome rocked and they had to put John Legend in to replace him. So really, it’s all that guy’s fault and everyone should go egg his house.
NBA: So my Celts eked one out past the Knicks last night. What? The Knicks are the opposite of good. And it went into OT! The Celts were forced to rely on Paul Pierce the entire game, who scored a season-high 33 points. For some reason (probably because they miss me so much), everyone else was having an off night. KG was only 4 for 15 of FGs made/attempted, and Ray Allen was only 3 for 13; though Allen also put up 1 3-pointer (of 6 attempted, and 6 of 6 free throws. Pierce was 9 for 17 in FGs, 6 for 7 in 3 pointers, and 9 for 10 in FTs. Sheed, on the other hand, did absolutely nothing. Except probably scare the piss out of people and pick imaginary bugs off himself. I’m pretty sure he was only brought on for intimidation factor. I’m going to start putting together my dream team, and it will most definitely include Ron Artest and Sheed. Anyway, through some great strategizing by Pierce in OT, he was able to draw all the attention to himself and quickly lob the ball over to a wide-open KG who is so clutch he made the game winning shot. See, kiddies? Even if you’re having a tough day, just keep at it and you will succeed. If you can dream it, you can be it! There were a bunch of other games yesterday (Orlando v. Toronto, Indiana v. Charlotte, New Orleans v. Miami, Detroit v. Phoenix, and OK City v. Lakers), but they were all lopsided which = BO-RING. It also means I don’t feel like recapping them right now, because I didn’t start working on this til this morning.
Fußball: I know nothing about Soccer other than David Beckham looks like this:
But I did also learn that the LA Galaxy fell to Real Salt Lake in the MLS Cup. I also learned that it’s all Landon Donovan’s fault, because he’s a chump. Donovan (who would be a lot cooler if he was this Donovan), completely blew a penalty kick. Then Real from Mormon Country got totally pumped up and some guy named Robbie Russell (cool alliteration!) got the game-winning penalty shot, of which Donovan was probably the offender. Because I said so. If you’d like to read some more in-depth discussion from the world of the ball with all the little pentagons all over it, Avoiding the Drop can satiate your every desire. A big HOLLA! goes out to @2Yellows over on twit. :)
Happy Monday – if you’re on the East Coast your day is almost halfway over! If you’re on the Dub-Cee, well…get your coffee brewing.
xoxo!
Popularity: 1% [?]
Tags: Adrian Peterson, Avoiding the Drop, Bernard Berrian, Boston Celtics, david beckham, Kansas City Chiefs, Kevin Garnett, Minnesota Vikings, MLS Cup, NBA, New York Knicks, NFL, Paul Pierce, Percy Harvin, Pittsburgh Steelers, Ray Allen, Seattle Seahawks, Sheed, Sidney Rice, Visanthe Shiancoe
Category Morning After Pill |
