Sports, Satire and Bad Jokes
Friday May 18th 2012

Posts Tagged ‘Washington Redskins’

The Morning After Pill: berstreet Edition.

The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the previous day’s sporting events. Some teams/sports are left out due to extreme lack of caring…and pure laziness. But mostly because I only care about things I like, and everything else may as well not exist.  Or perish in a glorious gas explosion in a tool shed.  Or something.

Good morning, kiddos!  We’re going to try something new over here at The Gally Blog.  We’ve divvied up the Morning After Pill, because we’re too poor to get our own.  So that means!  You’ll be gettin’ it from me on Mondays & Wednesdays.  Barring any complications or laziness.  Could be more, could be less, but that’s the plan!  Shall we?

NBA: Looks like the Timberwolves have wasted no time in disappointing fans this season.  They’re last in the NW Division.  The Nuggs are first.  Know why?  BECAUSE THEY’RE UNDEFEATED.  The Timberwolves were undefeated for a couple days: the day of the first game, and however many days were in between their next game THAT THEY LOST.  Good job ‘Wolves.  Actually, they’ll be competitive in like two years, because the whole team is basically newbs.  Anyway.  My Celts won AGAIN, and remain undefeated.  Know why?  ‘Cuz they’re awesome.  Apparently Phoenix is the only other undefeated team, but I kind of forgot Phoenix even had a team.  Are people really Phoenix fans?  Whatever.  GO KG! GO CELTS! That is all.

Awww...I love us!!
Awww...I love us!!

NFL: I found this to be pretty comical – ESPN posted an article yesterday titled Owner Dan Snyder: 2-5 Washington Redskins have ‘let everyone down’. I mean…raise your hand if you’re surprised they’re sitting at 2-5 right now.  Okay, now put your hand down if you raised it because you were surprised it wasn’t 1-6 or 0-7.  If you thought the outcome was going to be better than this, I reckon you’re unable to tie your shoes on your own, or make your own bed, and you likely have a big drool stain down the front of your shirt.  Jus’ sayin’.

MLB: Blah blah blah…GO PHILS!!

DWTS: If you watched Dancing With the Stars last night, you saw that Aaron Carter and his POA partner got to stay.  Good for Aaron Carter.  It was nice to see him doing something that didn’t involve his girlfriend Crystal and a major suckfest on the mic.  Then some other fools came out and did some Milli Vanilli crap, but could never live up to the greatness that is this:

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Native American Group v. The Washington Redskins

Chief Justice John G. Roberts:

roberts

Okay before we get to opening statements. How..

Chief Tatanto: naindian

Hau? Really? We’re starting off with the race jokes already I can see. Your honor if you could, please keep these racial stereotypes to a minimum. What do you think I parade around with a ceremonial headdress on, tripping peyote, and drinking booze?

Roberts: I was…

(more…)

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An Unbiased Look into the NFC East

Weclome Gallions. That’s your name. The readers. Sorry for my lack of action. I was busy working yesterday than I went to Governor’s Comedy Club to see that retarded genius Rich Vos with Tim Gage opening for him. Amazing. His best joke was about how he is fucking his hot wife, Bonnie McFarlane, with her period and he pretends he is killing her. He also did a 10 minute skit on how he’d fight anyone in a wheelchair or has one arm. Saying he would punch the wheelchair person in the back of the head and then run around them and punch them in the back of the head while they are spinning around in circles trying to catch up. Then he’d run up a hill and by the time the wheelchair man got to him he’d punch them in the back of the head and wheel them down the hill. People in the Audience in Wheelchairs: 4.

Ok, I digress. I didn’t know what I was going to get around to today because of my hangover, a block party and then UFC tonight. Me and Gimp will be simultaneously jerking off from 600 miles away when Nate Marquardt powerbombs someone again. The hot little blond from Abercrombie and Fitch’s block party was canceled and now you have this post. Oh shit. Hey Gally? Can you tell if my girlfriend is a reader?

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