Teenage Girls Are The Worst

This summer I was not planning on coming home from college, but a last minute change in plans ruined all that, and as a result, I’ve had to deal with my 17 year old sister, and her friends all summer. And I think I can safely say, teenage girls are the worst people on the planet, hands down.

If you’re a woman and you’re reading this, congratulations, you made it through the hardest years of your life without your parents killing you, and believe me, if it was legal to, they would have. But since it’s not, they seriously considered 1) Sending you away to a convent, or 2) Locking you away in the highest room in the tallest tower. But believe me, killing you was their first choice.

I know teenage boys aren’t much better, but at least they sometimes follow rules. Stupid emo kids and their girl pants.
Really, after thinking long and hard about it, the only good thing about teenage girls is that now and again they become so warped they end up in porn for the writers of this blogs enjoyment. (Kidding…I think…) (more…)

Popularity: 2% [?]

Tags: annoying, Miley Cyrus, no rules, Ranting, stupid, Teenage Girls, Whores
Category Am I Wrong?, Ranting, Satire |

LAST CALL….jk. Eli Manning is a Whore Monger. LOLz

Penis..So..Confused.

Seems like the only things we do over here are post bukakkes Blogkakkes, Last Calls and other link dumps. Well that’s my fault. I’m too busy swimming in hot chicks and money to find anything to write about. Last night, I spent all night trying to fit all these 20$ bills in my wallet! It was nearly impossible! I got to admit, sometimes being a sports blogger has it’s downside. Like when the paparazzi won’t leave you alone. (Ed. Note: UGH! I hate when that happens!) Other times, things just seem to fall in your lap.

I’m not sure if all the sexin’ has been the Giants downfall, unless Antonio Pierce slipped a disk doing the pile driver, because then I KNOW that’s the problem. I think the problem is this ratio of economy=Bill Clinton:George Bush::defense=Spags:Sheridan. That’s the real problem. All the guy had to do was coast, for crying out loud! I think Eli dippin’ his wick into a bunch of sluts actually makes him human. He was knocked by New York media for being emotionless during his rookie season and then the same NY Media ripped Mark Sanchez and Rex Ryan for crying and being over emotional in their rookie seasons. If you want the middle ground, you get Rex Grossman. So shut up, NY Post. You stink.

The source might not be credible. First of all…she’s a whore seller. Secondly, she knows AJ Daulerio is a blow fiend (and Deadspin is Brooklyn-based) who wasn’t paying attention until she mentioned hookers and Eli Manning in the same sentence. The Daulerio was interested. It’s Eli’s squeaky clean image that makes this interesting. If she said “Tiger Woods”, people would have bought her shitty book of lies. However, It is still all hearsay and Joe Namath is still the biggest womanizing quarterback in New York…even today he gets my sexual harassment charges than Eli and Sanchez combined.

I can only imagine how you would have to get the information out of Eli for conformation:

Police Man: “Now Eli, on the dolly, show us where she touched you…” hands Eli blow pop
Elisha: drools “She touched my fireman.” Smiles and winks at stuffed animal he brought for courage
Police Man: “Oh thank God, this is over.”

end scene

Football's Val Venus

Did anyone ever check to see if Archie and his wife had the same surname? This whole family has way too large of foreheads. Plus, Wikipedia says Eli lives in the same building as Jesse Palmer and we know that guy is pulling tail (see: Erin Andrews, the Bachelor), I bet the whores were on their way to his apartment he just ordered them to Eli’s crib (meant literal, not black-talk) where he would pick them up. Because he’s sly like a fox, that Palmer is. Anyway, does Deadspin have like a direct line for whores to call that say they have inside information on Tiger Woods? Like a sexy batphone? Or a stiletto shoephone like in Get Smart?

Touche, Daulerio.

Popularity: 11% [?]

Tags: AJ Daulerio, Deadspin, Eli Manning, Jesse Palmer, Liars, Logic is a Gossip Queen, Whores
Category Better while Intoxicated, Bile, News |