The Morning After Pill is where we recap the previous day in the sporting world. Certain teams/sports are left out to a lack of caring, or not being able to see the keyboard due to alchohol.
NFL: The Colts, who in the past few years have been injury prone, have lost their first player for the year. Starting LB Tyjuan Hagler, is out for the year with ruptured biceps. Most of you could give a shit, but his backups are a semi low drafted two year veteran and an undrafted rookie. Yay. Tom Cable has met with Al Davis to discuss allegations that he’s a woman beater. He admits that he hit his first wife with an open hand, but claims that it was the only time he was ever inappropriate with a woman.
Now that's a face you can trust. No not the creepy dude on the inset, he's the one who got KTFO.
NBA: Ron Artest and Trevor Ariza, the two guys who were traded for each other, traded last minute 3′s to put the Rockets/Lakers game in OT. Kobe put up 41 points as the Lakers won 103-102. Tim Donaghy, the disgraced former NBA ref, is now out of prison. He’s still trying to get a tell all book that suggests NBA refs are crooked published, but he’s facing some issues. He now plans on getting a job in either sales or marketing. Crooked lying shitnozzle, yeah marketing/sales seem’s like a good place for him to be. He’ll fit right in. Side note for Berstreet, the Celtics won last night to be the last remaining undefeated team.
The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the previous days events in the sporting world. Certain teams/sports are left out due to an extreme lack of caring or a hangover.
The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the previous days sporting events. Some teams/sports are left out due to extreme lack of caring or hangover. Deal with it.
NFL:
Come any closer and I'll cock punch you.
The Broncos beat the Chargers 34-23 to move to 6-0. Eddie Royal returned a punt and kick for TD.
MLB:
Look at the guy hugging him. Why does it look like he's about to punch him in the dick?
The Yankees lost last night 5-4 to the Angels in the 11th inning. Do you smell that? It’s the sweet smell of New Yorker despair.
The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the goings on in the sporting world. Certain teams and sports are left out due to either lack of caring or an extreme hangover. Maybe a weak hangover also, we’re kind of soft like that.
Lucky for you, you get my version of the MAP again! I know you couldn’t wait. But I’m at work, so let’s get this show on the road, shall we?
NFL: The Giants got destroyed by the Saints. Who saw that one coming?! I know Logic didn’t. Neither did I, or I would’ve started Reggie Bush in my fantasy league. The Titans…I mean, is someone going to contract them? Can teams get contracted in the NFL like they can the MLB? 59-0 is super embarrassing. They should probably just forfeit the season and hope for better luck/coaching/players/management/a new rabbit’s foot next year. The Cards did a pretty good job against a skeletal Seattle team. Big ups to my boy Fitz for getting me a good chunk of points 2 weeks in a row. Then we have my beloved Vikings who did not win that game – The Ravens BLEW IT. I seriously laughed out loud at an ESPN.com headline I saw yesterday that said, “Favre’s Late Heroics End Ravens Rally.” Whatever simpleton wrote that should be fired. Or buy new eyes. Or something. I was at the game, and the 1st quarter was awesome; it was fun, it was electric. Then the rest of the game happened. My favorite parts were when B’more just kind of sauntered into the endzone for a couple easy TDs. Our only saving grace, apparently, is how loud we were booing and screaming. So loud, in fact, that my friend told me the announcers on TV were annoyed with us. Whatev…the Ravens choked, and we’re 6-0. I don’t care about the rest of the games. Sorry.
The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the goings on in the sporting world. Certain teams and sports are left out due to either lack of caring or an extreme hangover. Maybe a weak hangover also, we’re kind of soft like that.
NFL: Well of course it happened this way. I had real live actual money on the Jags beating the banged up Seahawks, and I was sure it was a brilliant idea. Sure they were small underdogs on the money line, but they came into the game on an impressive performance and the Hawks came into the game off a whuppin. That and they were really banged up, but Matt Hasselbeck returned proved that he is a real QB or something. The Hawks cruised to a 41-0 win as Hasselbeck threw for 4 TD’s. Tony Romo wasn’t as confused as he was last week when he didn’t realize he was on fourth down. This week he realized that he was in fact playing in the fifth, or overtime, quarter of the game versus the Kansas City Chiefs. The Chiefs stormed out to a big lead before allowing Dallas back into the game. Kansas City stormed back with a late TD, but wimped out in going for OT instead of trying for the two point conversion and the win. Considering that they’re both about a 50% chance, they made the wrong choice. Dallas threw to this weeks soon to be most sought after waiver wire pickup, Miles Austin, and he scored the winning TD. On the day he had 10 receptions for 250 yards and 2 TD’s. In what’s sure to be labeled as a between teacher and student by all lazy reporters such as myself, Denver beat New England in overtime to move to 5-0. Orton proved to be a player that people should have maybe picked up for Fantasy Football as he threw for 330 yards and 2TD’s. The big upset of the day was the Bengals defeating the Ravens. I don’t care what you think, it’s my upset of the day so there. Carson Palmer threw the winning touchdown at the end of an 80 yard drive that was powered by Baltimore penalties. Stupid Ravens, I’m sure Xmas Ape is happy though.
College Football: Colorado coach, Dan Hawkins, benched his son Cody Hawkins, after throwing his 9th interception in 5 games. Colorado fans are rejoicing over this but whatever, the Buffaloes haven’t been relevant since Hawkins took over as coach. The Texans could be in tough shape for the Red River Shootout. Both of their top two running backs went out with injuries. The Southern Miss punter who was shot in his home on Friday, has died according to a report published on ESPN. He was the second string punter, and the police are treating it as either an accident or suicide. (more…)
The Yankees/Red Sox rivalry. An embittered rivalry so intense and so American that it makes the race wars of the 80s look like a neighborhood quarrel over property line landscaping. Both Yankees and Sox fans will smugly go into ungodly detail about their World Championships and All Star players.
And just for kicks take two overly boisterous (ie loud and drunk) Yankees and Sox fans, put them together, and you’ll definitely be in for a show. Think of it like watching two Chinese Fighting Fish (ie Betta fish) go at it to the death, but much drunker and with way funnier and more obnoxious accents.
FACK YOU!
FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK!
So when I hear about an incident involving a Yankees fan, a Red Sox fan, and a dispute over a team shirt I’m really none too surprised. But when I come to find out it involves a child (Yankees fan), a teacher (Red Sox fan), and the child having to turn his Yankees t-shirt inside out I have to step back for a second and go “WTF?” Well that and pour myself another whiskey and diet, but enough about me.
Van Buren Elementary fourth-grader Nathan Johns thought his teacher was kidding when he instructed him to go to the bathroom and turn his Yankees T-shirt inside out.
The blue shirt read “New York No. 52” on the front and “Sabathia” for the New York Yankees’ pitcher CC Sabathia, on the back.
Listen kid making you put your shirt on inside out would have been the least of your problems if the Red Sox fan in question was a priest and not your teacher. It would have added a whole new meaning to the term “squeeze play.” Besides it was a shirtzee. He did you a favor. You think the bullies were giving you shit for your shirt being inside out. How do you think they would have reacted if they knew you were wearing a shirtzee? Besides the hurt and the pain you experienced as a result of this incident will pale in comparison to the feeling of disappointment you’ll experience after the Yankees choke in the playoffs. Hey, I may not follow baseball, but I’m up on my Schadenfreude.
The Morning After Pill is where we recap the previous days events in the sporting world. Certain teams and sports are left out due to me not caring about them.
NFL: This is going to be brief due to me doing a more comprehensive NFL recap later. Washington bails out Detroit. Again. See what I did there? I took something topical and made a lame joke out of it. Actually Sports Pickle beat me to that joke, and we have a $1 Trillion Twitter dollar bet on whether Jay Leno uses that joke in his monologue tonight. I have a feeling I may move $1 Trillion into debt tonight. Oh and the Lions beat the Redskins. Peyton Manning must have taken umbrage with being an underdog to Arizona in Sunday Night Football. He went out there and layed a whuppin on the Cardinals last night. Well him and his Defensive line. Queue up the Manning for MVP articles.
College Football: Jesus 2.0(White) is back home and recovering from the concussion that was bestowed upon him by the heathen Kentucky team. For the six of you that haven’t seen the hit that did id yet, here ya go. Baylor Quarterback, Robert Griffin, will miss the remainder of the season with a knee injury.
MLB: I think Peter Griffin said it best when he said, “Yankees Suck.” But they are sadly one of the most popular teams in the world, and masterbatory fuel for Logic, so they’ll continue to get some coverage here. The Yankees clinched their division for the first time since ’06. Oh noes, woe is me Yankee fans. Has it really been three years? Try being a Royals or some other downtrodden franchises fan. The ever dreamy amazing phenom Zach Greinke was at it again. He added to his Cy Young and MVP applications by defeating the Twins, in a game the Royals won 4-1. The White Sox beat the Tigers 8-4 to keep the Twins hopes alive, even though they also lost on the day.
The Morning After Pill is The Gally Blog’s daily recap of the sporting world. Some sports and teams are left out due to a lack of me caring.
NFL: It was either a good game with a poor outcome, or shitty game with a great outcome depending on who you cheer for. The Dolphins ran for 241 yards and chewed up 45:07 in game time. That has all the markings of a great win. Except they didn’t. Even though Peyton Manning and the Colts only had the ball for 14:53, they managed to win 27-24. Peyton through for a ridiculous 13 yards per throw, and passed for 2 TD’s while Dallas Clark caught 7 balls for 182 yards and 1 TD. This years Colts look very similar to last year’s Colts in that they can neither run nor stop the run. It’s going to be a long season for any fellow Colts fans.
MLB: Angels pitcher Joe Saunders pitched into the ninth inning, giving up two earned runs on two home runs. Those were the only runs he gave up though, as the Angels defeated the Yankees 5-2. With a win, the Yankees would have clinched a playoff spot, but it was their second failure at this in a row. Pettite only gave up 3 runs, but his reliever and closer also gave up a run, which doesn’t bold well for the Yanks in the playoffs. The Twins whupped the White Sox 7-0 to move 2.5 games behind the Tigers for the AL Central. Whuppity do dog. It’s baseball. Minnesota fans should still slit their wrists.
NBA: Ron Artest is batshit fucking crazy. He also says that Laker fans can completely blame him if they don’t repeat as champions.
Everything else in sports sucked or wasn’t worth caring about, so no news on them today.
A slight preview of what’s going on tongiht in the world of sports and entertainment.
Top Chef Masters: (Bravo) A new take on the show where 4 Master chefs compete per episode to move on. It’s quite good, and even though Padma isn’t on it any more Kelly Choi is a suitable replacement. Tonight features Wylie Dufresne, Suzanne Tracht, Graham Elliot Bowle and Elizabeth Falkner I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here: (NBC) How brain dead is America that this show got made, several times at that, and is still on the air. If you needed a reason to drink, this is it. Your Worst Animal Nightmares: Perfect Prey/Horror Down Under: (Animal Planet) I have no idea what this show is or what it’s about, but with a title like that, how could you not watch it?
MLS: D.C. United at Seattle, 10pm, ESPN2- Two words. That’s it, those were the two words. I have nothing insightful to say about this game. Yankees vs. Nationals: I know what you’re thinking,”but the nationals are going to get raped because they’re manly enough to attract mr. A-Rod.” While that’s true, this is a make or break game for Chien-Ming Wang to prove he belongs in the rotation. He’s 0-4 with a 14.34ERA. If you’re a Nationals fan, you’ve got to like those odds.
